Tip 15: Taking care of mother in law/mother

Not sure if it is a practice in western countries for the mother or mother in law of the daddy and mummy to come take care of mummy and the baby for a few weeks to a few months after mummy has just given birth. That will lighten the load of daddy as well as mummy lots. Sometimes, a lady experienced in post maternity care can be hired for this task but if your mother or mother in law volunteers, its good to reaffirm bonds in the family, keep good ties between mother or mother in law who is now the grandmother to the baby. And as much as daddy has many concerns and tasks to care about such as ensuring baby supplies are sufficient, whether mummy and baby's place to rest is comfortable, whether baby is fine even if she is crying much, daddy needs to remember that there is a new person staying in the home now and communication with that person is key to maintaining order. Communicate well and take good care of this person and you have someone who is happy to go the extra mile to lighten more of your load, make mummy and baby happy and in turn make you feel happy that all is well.



Whenever you read my blog tips, do remember that I am living in a foreign country, married to a foreign woman and have foreign in laws. Its now 3 years in Japan and yes, I am catching up in being less foreign and more capable to not only run errands but maintain good genuine relationships, but in life there are always gaps we need to close as nothing is perfect. This reality is encountered by every human on earth even if they married their neighbour's daughter and lived in the same village all their lives, they would have to realize that life is imperfect and that is why we gain a beautiful heart by seeing the beauty in imperfections and making beautiful that which is yet imperfect. Thats the beauty of human progress. That being said, my blogs are genuine about real life and somewhat magnified to catch the many details of imperfection and cultural gaps present in each of our lives. And one such is communication.

Communication with in laws and your immediate family are important even if you do not live with them. They are part of your lives and the lives of your children and its so precious to keep those ties in tact. And when your in law or mother stays in your home to take care of mummy, do not just think of the needs of exhausted mummy and the new born baby alone, but also the needs of your mother in law or mother staying in the new home. Think of their schedule before they came to your home, their concerns that they may have for their own home, their food, clothing and sleep needs and what they need to be happy to stay as long as possible to lighten your load. By discussing with them their needs and their plans, maybe something can be worked out before they have doubts if they are welcome to stay long and they may even make an abrupt decision to go home. Always think first what you can give to others without expecting the benefits in return as you genuinely give. Then, your load will be lighter and lighter as you get more in return than you had ever expected to receive. This is a modest practice by some of the more moderate Japanese to think on a longer term horizon and be always generous to others. And what better way than to reassure your mother and mother in law that you care for them even when you are now a new family.


(Photos show Haruka at 3 weeks old and my mother in law who is from Okinawa island and stayed with us to take care of Tomomi.)