Tip 246: How much attention is enough?

The older generation used to say that giving too much attention to a baby spoils the child. The older generation had less time for their children as they had more children in the family and more manual tasks to do each day to be constantly bothered about giving attention to their children. Yet, children's development in this generation have accelerated and their intelligence increasing due to enhanced motivation and availability of learning aids at a young age. Should we then make a conscious effort to start our babies earlier than usual in their learning? More importantly, should we be giving attention even when the child is yet to learn?














I was spending some time with 4 month old Sayaka by smiling and making funny faces at her. She would smile or giggle whenever she sees me. Due to the constant attention she enjoys receiving, she is alert and constantly scans around to look for company. She is able to turn her head around with her strong neck (due to my rough handling of her in her young age, but she does has a strong bone structure as well). Plus, she now rolls over on her chest and kicks the surface to maneuver around in different directions. I thought of trying out the song and tickle routine of round and round the garden. To my amazement, she giggled when I tickled her. She also anticipated the tickling after I tried the routine a few times. I checked my previous blog entry and realized I only started doing this to Haruka at 6 months old, while the children's guidebook recommends introducing this after age 1 year old. Sayaka does make noise and cry when she does not sense anyone around her. Sometimes, I leave her alone and after a while, she sleeps while sucking her thumb. A baby does crave for attention when it is given to her. Yet she needs to learn how to amuse herself or be contented with looking around her surroundings. I believe there is a time for everything and we need to expose the child to different situations. Constant attention may need to be reduced when the child is beginning to be too demanding. Like the Central Bank who needs to constantly adjust interest rates based on the economic situation of the country, a daddy needs to adjust between excessive attention and just the right amount of motivation to stir curiosity in the child. If the Central Bank increases the interest rates by too large a quantum or too frequently than necessary, the market overheats. Hence daddy needs to be constantly present to assess the situation to ensure a well balanced and sustainable child. Intelligence and talent isn't everything.














(Photos show Sayaka at 4 months old).

Tip 105: Playgroups & Playcenters for mummy & baby

Daddy can play an important role to assist mummy even when she is a full time homemaker by being resourceful and providing information that could make her life easier, more fun and interesting. One way is to find out information on playgroups and playcenters near home. This is especially important when one is living abroad. After ensuring the family has access to good food and is happy with the home, next on the agenda would be to think of activities for mummy and baby. By finding a playgroup or playcenter, mummy can find new friends living in the vicinity and baby can participate in interesting activities such as story telling and playing with other babies and kids. Its amazing how education and the power of the Internet has brought people together since mummies in any and every region are always looking to group together and combine their resources to organize interesting activities. In some cities, the government subsidizes a public place that has sufficient room for playing and is well stocked with childrens' books and toys. If that's not available, one can check out churches or simply use the internet to google for resources. You will be delighted to find many enthusiastic full time mothers who have a passion for their children and in making friends.

In Tokyo, Haruka and Tomomi would go 4 days a week for 2-3 hours to play at a government playcenter that's just 5 minutes from our home. When I came to London, Tomomi read in her guidebook that the libraries in London host such activites and today we explored one such library and is pleased at the craft work and story telling they organize. I really hope Hong Kong would have such as well. But, as I mentioned above, one should not stop searching as one would definitely find. All it takes is the initiative to search. Babies and children are generally happier at such playcenters compared to paid children nurseries where the kids there would see the same children, nannies and caretakers everyday. Also, with more hands involved in organizing the activities at playgroups, there is more room for creativity and fun. Playing for a baby is the key to learning. Playing with other kids is the key to developing social skills and learning to converse. Of course, the baby also learns other bad habits from other babies such as playing tantrums with the parents, but the pros outweighs the cons. Anything is better than having mummy locked up at home waiting for daddy to come home. A happy mummy and baby makes a happy home. And it can start by daddy having the initiative to search for a playcenter. Was that ever in daddy's job description? Why not.

What's your experience with playgroups and playcenters? Do share.

(Photo shows our visits to Canary Wharf, Carnaby Street and the British Museum during the weekend and Haruka at the Tokyo Shinjuku Playcenter near our home at 10 months old)

Tip 99: Cultivate reading habits early R.E.A.D.

Haruka does not read yet. But, I love to see these photos of her looking and playing with her books. I will see Haruka and Tomomi in a weeks time as they join me in London and I miss the moments when Haruka comes to me with her books. She does not say anything as she does not know how to utter any words, but she often brings a book to me and I would then put her on my lap and read to her. The difference between daddy and mummy in reading style is that I would add a lot of sound effects to the reading, while mummy would just do them in full Japanese sentences. I have noticed both way works, as Haruka would also go to mummy for reading when daddy turns her down ... ok, I try to oblige most of the time. Once again, an acronym to make the Reading tip easy to remember, be Readers yourself, make it Enjoyable, make books Available, Display books with pride.

Children do what they see. At a young age, parents are the best role models. If parents are keen readers, children will learn to be the same as they are curious to discover what are in books. Tomomi is an avid reader and she would regularly go to a second hand book store in Tokyo or buy books online. I on the other hand, read less and would just browse books whenever I happen to be in a bookshop (probably once a month or less), get them for free from seminars or when I see them lying around. I do speed reading and if an idea interest me, I would then delve into it more. I spend more time surfing online for news, google whenever I think of an idea to understand that idea better from different sources and prefer writing to reading to get me thinking and researching about ideas and topics. I noticed that Haruka spots that I use the laptop more often than I read, which may not be good for her. As Tomomi is not working, Haruka would spot her reading more. Its hard to start the habit of reading as I spent quite a lot of my free time on the laptop doing freelance research or to take the family out, but I suspect I would have more free time after I leave Japan for good. Haruka is growing and is becoming a better observer and its important for her to see me reading more, so she would grab her books more than she reaches for my laptop. Though, one thing in the right direction is me making reading enjoyable to her. Whenever we read the animal book, I would create stories with animal sounds and this makes better sense to her than just plain reading. When the story books show children raising their hands, I do the same and she is learning to follow me. Nowadays, when we flip the pages, she would remember the sounds and do them before me. Of course, I would need to progress to more complete sentences, but I strongly believe that communication needs to be understood to make them meaningful. We have got many baby books as gifts or pass me downs and just leave them in our room for Haruka to play them. It sometimes pains me to see the colourful pop up origami books being destroyed by Haruka or have the edge of the books being eaten, but I read that its important to make books available and part of the daily environment of the child. After a while, the babies would learn that books are to be appreciated for their pictures and contents, and not for food or playing. Instead of keeping the books locked to prevent them for being spoiled, its better to make them available - a mixture of waterproof plastic, cardboard and paper books. Its fine to have some in the baby's stomach as they do not have such a big appetite for books anyway. Lastly, allow the child to see books displayed nicely. It was difficult in our cramped Tokyo home, but things are starting to change as we move to a bigger place. Alternatively, take the child to children bookshops so they see lots of colourful books displayed nicely. Of course, if its displayed in a special place in the home, it sends the message that the bookshelf is more important than the television set. At some point, the child will learn to have some respect for books instead of using them as sword play.

Any other reading tips? Do you see reading as an important habit to cultivate?

(Photos show 10 month old Haruka saying, Please do not distract me while reading.)

Tip 90: Picnic at the park

Tomomi loves a day at the park and even our wedding video featured the beautiful Shinjuku Gyoen in central Tokyo, once owned by the Japanese imperial family. Even when we bought our apartment, she insisted that it has to be near a nice large park. Parks were not so much part of me before I came to Japan, yet Japanese parks will be something I miss very much when I leave Japan. Being brought up in Malaysia, there are just not too many parks that are well kept, less vandalized, safe and clean. The weather in Malaysia that is hot and humid year long would also make a long visit less comfortable. Yet in Japan, besides the entrance fee of Yen 200-500 (USD$2-5), the government allocates a huge budget to maintain these parks using professional gardeners. The tradition of landscaping beautiful parks in Japan started as early as 794-1192 AD. The Japanese are famous for their parks that they categorised them into 3 types - the Chaniwa gardens that have features of tea houses, stepping stones and stone lanterns to prepare for the tea ritual, the Tsukiyama gardens or hill gardens with lots of bridges and pond streams to artificially produce a beautiful landscape, and the Karesansui gardens that are influenced by Zen Buddhism with pagodas and other religious concepts. Just blogging about this, made me reflect on the importance of getting away from our daily busy schedule to enjoy a peaceful calm atmosphere that is free from activity and work, setting apart time for meditation, rest and appreciation of beauty and change of environment. We all need that, don't we?

During my stay in Japan of more than 3 years, I did many snapshots of beautiful Japanese gardens. In Kyoto, there were the world heritage temple gardens of the Ginkakuji, Kiyomizu Dera, Kinkakuji and Ninna-ji and the zen garden of Tenryu-ji. Even in the metropolitan city of Tokyo, there are many large gardens such as the Shinjuku Gyoen, Yoyogi, Hamarikyu, Imperial Palace Gardens, Ueno, Rikugien, Kiyosumi Shirakawa, Kasai Rinkai, Inokashira, Jindaiji and Showa Kinen. Yet, this is just less than 5% of all parks in Japan or even in all of Tokyo as there are numerous others I have not visited. Yet, in the gungho attitude of wanting to experience all and accumulate as many beautiful memories as possible, especially in the early days of my arrival in Tokyo, I may have missed the whole point of parks altogether! Often times, my time, energy and concentration is spent rushing to every corners of the parks to catch as many sights as possible. In fact, the same happens outside the parks where I try to maximise earning potentials to its ultimate fullest in every possible situation and connection. Yet, we are not created as machines, but as human beings that need to rest, pause, give thanks, appreciate our loved ones and occasionally be away from our usual routine and in full observation of the Sabbath rest. When I was still in school, I used to set apart time to go to a shady park to pray, yet these have been lacking of late. I am glad for these times of picnic that I spent with Tomomi and Haruka just lying down, reading and doing nothing. The Japanese knew of the importance of solitude in parks a millenium ago. And even as I would miss the Japanese parks when I leave Japan, I ought to remember this crucial lesson in life. There is certainly a park somewhere we can have a picnic and do nothing. Wonder if that would be possible with teenagers to force them to spend some quality family time together :)

What about you? Any experiences to share on picnic or breaking away from the usual routine? Isn't it easier said than done in today's productive lifestyle? I probably need to blog about such a topic more often to remind myself about it!

(Photos show Haruka at 7 months at Shinjuku Gyoen park)

Tip 87: Immersing into daddy's cultural roots

Being away from one's home country means that there are many cultural activities and holiday celebrations not practiced. Yet, it takes some determination and diligence to make things happen. Even when we are home and close to our parents and relatives, it does not stop the laziness in each of us to just sit back and relax, instead of making that long drive home, gathering friends and relatives for the traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, spending hours stuffing the turkey, or getting the kitchen messy with flour kneading Tangyuan. Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 said, "We always have a choice." These choices we make now as daddies to a certain extent shape our children too. I for instance, wished my dad would have made a little more effort to share his Hakka roots and have closer bond with my paternal grandmum so I may get to know my mainland Guangdong roots better. I know a classmate of mine whose dad and uncles made it a family event to make regular trips to their home village in mainland China and still keeping close ties with their Chinese relatives. It adds to the fun when we do enjoy these choices we make, yet at times, a little extra determination is required.

Before coming to Japan, I did spend quite some time building my network. Later with Facebook, it was a breeze to create a Malaysians in Tokyo group. We organized a cheering convoy for the 2008 Yonex Open Japan where our Malaysian women doubles and Lee Chong Wei went to the Semi Finals. One of the students even had 2 large Malaysian flags. Our cheering probably contributed to both of them advancing to the finals. Though daddy spent 7000 yen (USD$70) for 2 tickets for daddy and mummy. Haruka also did not blow her baby trumpet that daddy took along. Other activities include a Hari Raya feasting at a Malaysian restaurant open house and a good chance to exchange greetings and chat about the things we miss about Malaysia. I do miss lots of my Cantonese cultural activities though and it is pretty difficult to coach Haruka on the Cantonese dialect on my own. Though, I do have some plans in the pipeline that I would share later if it materializes. Choices, choices. At least from this blog, my kid(s) can read about them and know the core of my heart since how things turn out and its results can deviate, yet its important that they know I love them.

Are there any fun cultural activity you make efforts to get involved in? Do share. I may be getting out of touch and need rekindling of some fond memories to kick start them myself.

Tip 86: 100 days old studio photos

I am pretty much a frugal person. During my stay in Tokyo, I have acquired a good life through excessive accumulation of good values and extensive connections. In a city of high cost of living, you can actually build your savings faster than anywhere else if you know how. I usually try to save on the unnecessary and focus first on building up savings to have a strong financial base. But, after getting married and having a baby, I realised a lot of money can be spent to build good memories that we cannot obtain again. Its once in a lifetime. For instance, I had my wedding studio photos done in Malaysia costing only around USD$600. A bit hesitant initially but if I compared it with the cost in Tokyo, it would be 3-5 times more especially with the wide selection of costumes. And it is much cherished by my wife and me for a long time. The time came for studio photos for princess Haruka.











In Japan, there is a tradition to have baby studio photos taken on their 100th day. Actually, while surfing, I found even more elaborate Japanese customs for 100 days old, but my in laws were far away at Okinawa. I had my studio photos taken when I was a 4-6 months old baby and I thank my parents for their thoughtful gesture considering finances were tougher during their time. It can be tricky for photo taking of a young baby. They are either sleepy, grouchy or just fearful of the new studio environment. Past 3 months old, babies can already recognize environments, whether it is pleasantly bright and cheerful or creepily dark and foreign. Hence, choosing a nice studio with a thoughtful photographer can make a lot of difference. But, do not plan too long as 100 days passes by so quickly especially for the first child as there are so many preparations initially. Now, I am regretting that there should be more poses, but there is always a second chance .... Haruka's 1 year old studio photos and maybe my second, third child?











Decided to put up my own studio photos ... maybe I was 4-6 months old since I seem to be able to crawl already. Readers, any baby studio photo experience to share?

(Photos show Princess Haruka at 100 days old and daddy at 4 months old in 1977 maybe. Sorry took a long while to scan all this.)

Tip 84: Face expressions can spur learning

I have been encouraged by Haruka's increasing cheerfulness, friendliness and good behavior in public. I think its partly due to her being aware of facial expressions since being a young baby. While playing with her since young, I was constantly exaggerating my expressions to the extent of being a clown. I smile a lot, laugh when she trips or falls to develop her sense of humor, claps my hands everytime there is some happy occasion and Tomomi carries Haruka to the door so I can kiss my wife and baby every morning before I go to work. This makes Haruka a good observer of facial expressions and actions of others. She would smile and wave to others when someone looks at her, smiles at her and waves at her. While there are crowds of people standing in the train or walking around her (since Tokyo is of course a dense city), Haruka would know that those other people are not communicating to her. But she is quick to spot a smile and respond back to receive more attention and praises from others. Hence, she does not get bored and grouchy in the company of friends, unless she is very tired or hungry.

I realised the following can stir up humor as the baby can relate to such funny expressions.

Sneeze and fall off the chair or fall on the bed.

Pretend to be sleepy and keep dosing off and suddenly be startled and awaken a few time as you knock your head on a wall or fall of a chair.

Begin to hiccup and show irritation of it.

All of a sudden, jump up and do a Funny Dance of rigorous hand and leg movements.

Can you think of any more? Do daddies need to be strict and quiet or funny and interesting? What say you? Yes, there needs to be a season for everything, the need for discipline and encouragement. But which is more important?
(Photos all show Haruka at 8 months old)

Tip 80: Getting involved in activities of the season

At the start of each season in Japan, there will be processions at many different cities and this promotes awareness to cherish the beautiful and uniqueness of each season. Japanese take the extra mile to catch the beautiful sights at the best places, even if it means spending more money or waiting in long queues. But, to a certain extent, that's something we ought to consider doing. When the playcenter near my home organized Nagashi Soumen as part of it's summer activity for just 300 yen per person (USD$3), we seized the opportunity to let Haruka have her first Nagashi Soumen experience. She is too young to cherish this memory, but the photos and comments posted here can do that job.

Nagashi Soumen or floating/flowing noodles is usually done during summer as an outdoor activity where the soumen noodles are let to flow down a long flume of bamboo on cold water (sometimes ice cold). I had my first experience at a garden of a home in the company of adults aged 20 onwards. Its actually quite costly as you have to order a clean bamboo as you do not see any grow wild in Tokyo. The second experience was equally fun in the company of kids and mothers. There were some additional items besides the soumen which were quite a challenge to catch using a chopstick or fork such as the fast rolling baby tomatoes and mochi. Of course, I had to hold Haruka's hand the whole time and she probably did not know what was going on except the time when I put the items in her mouth. I am looking forward to try these activities again as Haruka grows older and with my future other children. Hopefully, God willing I would still have time to blog about them. And may all this blog post be a special present to my children of my love to them as well as a testament of how much fun I put into parenting in the midst of the sweat and commitments as well.

Are there any fun activities related to seasons and cultural festivals that you do with your children? Do share them on the comment section.

Tip 79: 1 way to put your baby to sleep

I have always been doing this but did not realize its a trademark daddy thing that got many mummies jealous of me. I was in the playcenter on a Saturday with Haruka. After lunch with Tomomi, I gave her a break to go to the bookshop or to do some shopping while I took Haruka to the playcenter. This is a government playcenter and its only 2000 yen (USD$20) fee annually since its heavily subsidised, but the parent can not leave the place but must be there with the child at the playcenter. After Haruka played for 2 hours, she got grouchy and I carried her and within 5 minutes, she slept on my arm. I took her to the bed at the playcenter room, put her down on the bed and she cried missing daddy's strong warm arms. The mummies watched me as I found a soft toy as padding for Haruka's head and made her comfortable. Then, with my index finger, I made circular motions on her head and within 5 seconds, her crying tapered off and she slept! All mummies around were surprised! That was 1 day of fame of a daddy magician trick. Interestingly no other mummy knew about this tip. Have you tried this?

That story did not end there. I went home and forgot about it. But Tomomi went to the playcenter on Tuesday and the mummies told her what a dedicated and caring daddy that I am with such special skills. It probably put a tear on Tomomi as she was extra kind to me for the next few days, cooking good meals and other things and being extra gentle and nice. :) So, that's a bonus tip here - do some special contribution without intentions of magnifying it, but if its in the presence of mummies who would get impressed, they would tell your wife about it sincerely. And that's going to reward you handsomely more than any rose in the world. Apparently, Japanese daddies are afraid of babies, thinking they would hurt the small child and leave all the babysitting work to mummies. So the act of knowing how to make the baby sleep is a rare magician trick.

Daddies, any more magician tricks to share? We need more of this to save on roses.

Tip 76: Q & A always sparks learning

As I observe and recall Haruka's learning development, I begin to see the value of Questioning and Answering. It started with greetings in the morning. I would smile at her and greet her Ohio Haruka-chan! (Good morning Haruka!). "How are you today? Do you want to see the bow wow dog?" Nowadays, when she wakes up, she smiles at me and say "bow, wow! bow wow!" I know she wants to go out for a walk. When I go out for strolls outside with Haruka since around 2 months old, I would talk to her and always ask her "where bow wow dog? where meow meow cat? Where chip chip bird" Is it there? Where is it?" I start pointing my finger at the dog or cat. Now, when we go for strolls, I would ask her the same questions and Haruka would point at the dog and say "bow wow" or bird or whatever that captures her attention. During meal time since 2 months old, I started sneakily put some tit bits into Haruka's mouth and said "mmm ... oishi!" (delicious in Japanese). Then, as she respond by opening her mouth and smacking her lips, I asked, "Oishi desuka?" (Is it delicious?). "Oishi!" (Yes its delicious). Amazingly, by starting since 2 months old, Haruka has now memorized this word and always say "Shhh! shhh!" when she likes a food.

Besides the list below are there any other Q & A that you usually do with your kid? Would love to hear from you. Fill my comment boxes fulll. :)

How are you? I am fine!
Do you want to go out? Yes! Yes! (Nodding the head)
Is it delicious? Yum! Yum! Yes! Yes! (Nodding the head)
Where is the bow wow dog? There. (With finger pointing at the dog)
Do you want papa to carry you? Yes?
Do you want to play round and round in the garden? (Showing finger on palm) Yes?
Do you want to sleep? (Daddy yawns. Haruka follows.)

Tip 74: Seeing her photos online can stop her crying

There are a few ways to make Haruka instantly stop crying. One way is to offer some nice sweets, cakes or ice cream. But that's a no no according to mummy so as not to spoil her teeth. Daddy rationalizes that its baby teeth anyway but mummy is very strict in not having any tooth decay on Haruka. To avoid being banned from the bedroom, I comply. The second way is to let Haruka play my cell phone. There is a used and old cell phone that I let her play everyday. Since Haruka received phone calls from her granddad and grandmum, she has been amused to use the phone in case voices calling her name would start again. But Haruka knows that this cell phone that she plays is not functioning. When she cries, I let her play my working cell phone instead. If she is in a very bad mood and touching my cell phone alone does not help, I will turn on videos of her that I have saved on this cell phone. Seeing and hearing herself sing on the phone will immediately stop her crocodile tears. Previously, when Haruka was 3 months old, she would be intrigued by a voice recording alone, but now she needs to both see and hear something interesting. My blog is another thing that can capture her attention. Seeing the different photos on this blog, I would say "hey can you see your Bow, wow dog. Is that pretty Haruka and handsome daddy".

Babies under 1 year old can already respond to cartoon shows, TV commercials of delicious food and dancing people, amusing videos on phones and familiar photos on blogs. Its amazing that this generation of kids and babies are so different from 1-2 generations ago when TV, cellphones and the Internet/computer were not in existence yet. The word multimedia was not even coined then. What would be the psychological and social impact of such media to children? In my opinion, these media can make children independent from their parents and that's what we should avoid. Letting them watch and be amused by themselves and leave them alone is a no no. Instead, use these media as a last resort to spend some time with the child. Last resort because there are better ways for babies and children to learn such as playing with baby toys creatively, reading baby books and crawling around to observe their environment better. Yes, baby can still learn a lot from watching the TV commercials or childrens' program of kids running, jumping, dancing and singing but that can wait. There is a whole wealth of information to be obtained by the baby exploring and just playing with simple things around her surroundings. How she moves about, falls down, reach for things will ensure she has good motor skills and have a good understanding of her environment and space. That's so much better than learning to sing when she can't yet. So Haruka, you can only use the computer with parental guidance now until you are XX years old.... hmmm when can she start?

Tip 72: Have a play appointment with the animals

Whenever I have time these days (when I am not at office till late or not studying for a Japanese insurance exam or doing a free lance market entry research for a foreign company planning to enter the Japanese market), I make it utmost importance to have play tme with Haruka. The question of how much play time and daddy bonding time is enough is something I have not worked out yet. Maybe in the future, with more kids coming (God willing), a global economy that's slowing down or with lots turmoil and brakes off and on, and with an older body that can not work as hard as now, I can let my savings and investments cushion the more relaxed lifestyle I aim for. These days, you never can depend on government pension plans or your insurance plans or a minimal savings you think is sufficient, with sky rocketing inflation and increasing mismanagement of funds. Diversification is key. But, there surely needs to be time spent to play with your baby. To ensure its effective, I get the help of the animals to amplify my efforts. That's because babies are lovers of animals and they respond better with role play and playing simple toys creatively than merely pressing buttons on toys. Oh Haruka gets very excited when she gets to press buttons too, but that fascination with push buttons does not keep her mind involved long enough to encourage creative juices or put the smile on her face when she is playing alone.

I would first wake up Mr Wow wow dog from his slumber and ask him if she wants to play with Miss Meow meow cat. Then Mr Wow wow dog nods his head and goes to the table. There, Miss Meow meow cat was already waiting. "How do you do, Mr Wow wow dog? Did you have a good sleep last night?". "Thank you for asking. Yes I did. I am ready to play round and round in the garden with the teddy bear. Let's play together." Haruka would laugh and smile whenever I move the heads of these animals to nod or make strange noises when the animals are happy or sad. After a while, she learns to communicate the same way little by little. This also helps in keeping her focused on the topic and maybe extend her attention span. Maybe, it helps her to relate better and be kind to animals and people before her little brother or sister comes to play with her one day. I hope the next child will be as good natured as Haruka who would not make tantrums and have little trouble sleeping. Maybe a little of that is knowing she had a fun day with daddy.
(Photo shows Haruka at 7 months.)

Tip 70: Belief in yourself, beware of baby trainers

Each child is unique, a gift of God, your special child that you as a parent will understand more as you spend time with your child. In our society these days, a special child is frowned upon, deemed as requiring too much attention and is unable to be trained under society's education system. But, lest we change this mindset and look at each child as special under God's eyes instead of comparing the child with others, we are overlooking the beauty in our child, devaluing God's miracle in our lives as well as understating the role we play as parents. From child birth to raising a teenager, communication through close bonds - be it breastfeeding, playing or teaching is the parent's role on earth, to understand the child's needs and guide the child to meet his/her potential. Hence, the center of attachment parenting is on continuous thorough communication to care for the child, which may lead to options of being a full time parent or devoting to home schooling. But most importantly, not to follow convenient advices blindly, but to understand your child well enough to know what's best for your child and devote time and energy to be that expert in your child.

As I read more about attachment parenting, I begin to shudder at the burden of parenting, but realize that this is actually expected of us, parents. Being the easy going, complacent daddy that I am, its actually good to be woken up to such expectations, so my efforts would at least be more than half of perfect parenting, and quite disastrous should I have sticked to a more convenient parenting style. As Tomomi is a full time mother, all credit goes to her for her desire to bridge the distance between parent and child. As Haruka is growing up, Haruka is beginning to respond well to my speaking to her, clowning around, playing with her and reading. I try to understand what makes her tick, understand why she cries by understanding her and not following some schedule or clock rule. According to attachment parenting, all this convenient parenting rules are a short term gain but a long term loss. Thats true that relationships are not easy and raising a child means lots of time investment. I will do my best each day as a daddy and try to understand what is best for my child as I spend more time with her.

Tip 69: Believing your baby's cry as her language

This the fifth "B" in attachment parenting and it relates to responding quickly to your babies' cry. I got all the "B"s from this site and personalized it with my story from Tokyo. Been busy lately and have missed my target to blog daily. Looks like the 10,000th post will be when I am an old granddaddy (God willing) since I have been swamped with work. Yet, I am still passionate about leaving my thoughts, sharing my love for my child/children at this blog as a legacy for them to read about. All daddies need to blog. Also, to pick up their babies whenever they cry. Little babies communicate with their parents by crying and later connect to them emotionally which builds their psychological bank of trust, love and security. According to most experts, babies do not manipulate parents with their crying at a young age, but wish to communicate their needs to the parents. As parents, its our God given mandate to nurture life in our hands with lots of love to appreciate life and love more.

Being a parent is not easy. That's because true love is never easy - only God, the origin of all love can do such a great job in showing us that example. We often times question the need to inconvenience ourselves and begin to rationalize including accepting rules we think would work. Ideally, loving without rules is the best policy. Whatever stems from an unselfish heart of love will work long lasting miracles. I always tell myself that if I dread it, it must be good for the baby and myself to take the effort to soothe my baby. Haruka cries for a number of different reasons, including being hungry, wanting to be comfortable, wanting to stay warm in our embrace, needing some peace and quiet and a nice lullaby to sleep, wanting her diapers changed, being fearful of the dark, of being alone or of a bad dream, or feeling ill and in pain. But it all depends on the crying tone and body language. After a while instead of crying, Haruka learns to smile, and communicate by nodding her head whenever she looks at something delicious or wants to play. Thats probably because she trust daddy understands her since day 1.


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(Photo shows Haruka at 5 months with a slight white patch appearing on her gum. Did not post the whole photo as crying babies can be scary too ;)

Tip 68: Bedding next to your baby

The fourth "B" is bedding closely to your baby, a term called co-sleeping. And that's very much tied to giving your baby the motherly and fatherly closeness she can feel in her young age. With standard of living improving since this half a century, most houses are bigger and the family unit also became smaller. One or two generations ago, the family unit used to be very huge with siblings, grandparents, nephews and nieces all staying under a small roof and sharing the same mattress. As parents reduce their children from a dozen to 2, they can afford to have bigger house and to allocate a room to each child. While encouraging independence is good, it may not be wise to start at the age of babies as they need to be reassured of parental closeness during the night. Also, its convenient for mummy to breastfeed the baby whenever the baby feels hungry or thirsty.

Surely, its less feasible for parents who sleep in a double bed as there is no room for baby and parents. Usually a queen or king size bed is the minimum. If the bed is small, it feels awkward and also dangerous if the baby would fall from the bed. And I personally believe that husband and wife intimacy is more important than attachment parenting as the foundation of love starts from the parents. Though, if effort is put to improvise living conditions, something can be arranged. In Japan, its quite common for Japanese to sleep on futons (soft mattress) laid on the floor with lots of layers of padding. So, me and Tomomi decided to just do that and have a large futon area in our room. That way, there's lots of space as well as no need to worry if the baby would fall from bed. Usually after breastfeeding, Haruka would sleep and she would be placed at her side of the futon and sleep and not disturb mummy and daddy. She is quite a good sleeper probably due to us training her when she was just a few days old, of the need to sleep at night and to wake when the sun rises. Knowing that mummy and daddy loves her, makes her a cheerful and thoughtful baby.

Tip 67: Baby wearing everywhere you go

Baby wearing is the third "B" out of 7 in attachment parenting concept which includes my earlier post on birth bonding and extended breast feeding. Its lots of work and sometimes seem impractical in today's modern busy parent's world. Its more convenient to leave the child at childcare or leave her crying till she stops to teach her a lesson on knowing who is boss. But the bottom line in attachment parenting is the need to communicate with your baby, listen to her and understand her. If that helps her psychological as research say it would, then such close knitted relationship is worth the time spent. Including sacrificing some freedom and personal space and bringing your baby everywhere you go. And that's why its called baby wearing where you wear a baby sling/carrier around you and wear the baby. To some ardent attachment parenting fans, they would insist on baby wearing while cooking too as they are against letting your baby cry or leaving her some place else.














I guess its easier said than done, and I am the daddy who works 9 to 10 ... nope not a 1 hour job, but sometimes a 13 hour day job away from my baby. So, Tomomi would do most of the baby wearing and since she is the ardent fan of it, I have no objections. As a supportive husband, in the beginning I questioned her enthusiasm in this as well as the other 6 "B"s. But it makes sense. After a period of stress, human beings begin to adapt to new ways of doing things. In fact, stress stimulates us to better evaluate situations and think of new ideas. And if this stress is related to doing a good and honorable job, all the more we should keep on keeping on. So, I try as much as possible to wear Haruka for strolls in the neighbourhood and for weekend lunches with wife and baby. Using a stroller more when Haruka got heavier. Beginning to be more understanding than previously and try to attend to Haruka as soon as possible. Balance is important too as we need to take care of our physical and emotional health as parents, so striking the right balance is key. At least we try our best and one day our children reading our blogs, will know that.

(Photos shows Haruka at 3 months old and the baby sling papa is wearing when going out at Chinzan-So park in Tokyo)