Tip 239: Say Yes promptly then followup

As I look back, the success I attain today stems from the many "Yes" that I said promptly whenever opportunity arises. The Yes sometimes occurs even before the opportunity emerges as I seek out opportunities through building relationships and letting others know that I am willing to help.














Most of the time, I never expect or imagine the possibilities that could be the result of an eager spirit to engage myself in activities. Often times, there are no motive behind my intention to spend the weekend going to school or to organizations to clean the place, to lift a chair and arrange for events, or for walking out a professor to her car and engage in a chat. Yet, when I said yes and follow it up with emails, there is no knowing that the other party will find a win win transaction to happen between us.














I remember vividly that the first few Yes were during my primary school days participating in story telling contests. Wasn't as active in extra curricular activities after school then, as I would not stay back too often after school as the school was a distance away. Yet, upon secondary school, I begin to join various clubs and was actively participating in all weekly meetings. It could be the spare time not having too much planned family activities during the weekends, that made me available for school activities. I begin to be elected for various positions in clubs, from being a mere representative of my class to being the treasurer and the president of various clubs. When a class teacher would want a participant in one of the competitions she organized, I would also not say No when asked and was singing in front of the school and making public announcements or speeches.














Fast forwarding into varsity life, I kept in touch with my professors and did not hesitate to accept an invitation to work on rewriting my varsity project into a published research paper. I would find it fulfilling to keep myself busy while I was still single and accepted part time teaching offers at my varsity on top of my usual day job. I constantly got testimonials of each activity I participated in and used these as supporting references for various applications. This made me a savvy applicant since I have a repository of resources at my disposal.














It takes lots of initiative to write to everyone whose business card you receive, maintain a record of email and home addresses of people you know and send greeting cards regularly to different people each year. It may seem like a waste of time, yet among the many deeds some will be remembered and some reciprocated with rewarding opportunities.














(Haruka and family at the church family camp in Sebana Golf and Marine Resort, Kota Tinggi, Johor, Malaysia).

Tip 238: Quality vs quantity time

Parenting is not easy in this postmodern educated world. A parent is judged more severely by their kids. It is amazing that kids grow up much faster these days and even at age 2-3, kids would put value on what type of attributes that they like in a parent.

How much time you spent with your kid matters less than what activities you engage with them and whether you make them happy. This is especially difficult for dads who will be spending less time with the kids compared to mum. For my case, since Tomomi is a stay at home mum, there is a stark difference in time loss in relationship building between daddy and kids. The less time spent means kids has less need for dad than mum.

At a young age, kids watch TV and have an ideal vision of how happy families ought to be. Sometimes, they do not see the big picture of other essential parenting attributes such as need for discipline, tolerance and forgiveness. Kids these days due to better education at a young age, is capable of listening to conversations between parents yet they may not have the maturity to understand underlying conflicts well. All this puts bias on how they view a certain parent and the value they place in spending time with the parent. Hence, it puts pressure on daddy to work harder to be more careful with my words and prepare intelligent and fun activities with my daughters.

Sometimes, when you are back from work, you just want to relax on the couch and watch TV or read newspapers. Yes, you would also like to chase your kids and hug them. But, growing kids would yearn for more mind stimulating activities which require a little bit more effort, concentration and dedication. After a while they detest hugs and tickles. Yet, if you put a little effort with the activities, they may still be glad to come back to you.

Kids watch advanced and highly educated TV programs nowadays. Science experiments, craft work and games. All this requires preparation time. Other possible activities include colouring and painting with the kid, putting effort to do creative story telling, playing a board game together or taking the kid outdoors for cycling.

It is possible that Haruka at age 3 years yearns more for such activities as she has not gone to kindergarten yet. But, what happens later when she comes back tired from school and does not yearn for daddy attention. Maybe I am just being sensitive and dependant on my kid’s affection. Should I just go back to my newspapers and give the kids the space they need? It is not easy to be a daddy as the role is not as clear cut and you never know the right amount of dedication that is needed. When that’s resolved, quality time keeps taking on new meaning in today’s modern world.

(Photos show Haruka and family in Johor for our Japanese church retreat in 2010).

Tip 237: Prenatal exercise/posture for natural birth

These days, most babies are not in the head down and most optimal position in the womb to deliver through natural birth. That is why there is increasing occurrence of cesarean, usage of forceps, vacuum and high intervention of the doctor during labour. The World Health Organization has stated that a cesarean rate over 15% is harmful as it increases maternal death rate and infant morbidity. The USA rate is 33% and is rising and is much higher in some states. Yet, this can be avoided through better prenatal posture and exercises.














Our modern lifestyle today is to blame for the less than optimal position of the baby. If we move back in history, women were in different postures during their daily chores, often times leaning forward washing the dishes in the sink or sowing seeds in the farms, on their hands and knees while cleaning the floor or gardening, or at least sitting upright in straight backed hard wooden chairs. These days, most postures and lifestyle encourage leaning back on a comfortable computer chair or couch.















Hence, the mother need to be extra conscious of the need for good posture and put efforts in prenatal exercises. By sitting straight up or leaning forward, gravity will naturally pull the fetal's head and spine down and forward into the anterior position in the womb. Postures to avoid include sitting back on a couch, recliner or soft chair, sleeping on the back or crossing the legs. It is preferable to sleep on the side (preferably the left side) with a pillow beneath the knees. When sitting, it is best to ensure the knees are always lower than the hip bones. A pillow can thus be placed on the seat. Besides posture, there are 2 exercises as shown on the left. The one on top is called knee chest position to be done 3 times a day for 15 minutes. It gently brings down the fetus out of the pelvis, so it can rotate into a more favorable position. The bottom exercise is called pelvic rock, which can be done after the knee chest position. It is an excellent exercise to relieve back pressure and keep the fetus in the optimal position.














Previously, I also blogged about visiting a chiropractor who is trained in the Webster technique. Besides moving the fetal into a head down position, it also alleviates pelvic and uterine restriction, so the fetal can move to the optimal position on its own. Another blogpost speaks about a Japanese midwife tip to always keep mummy's leg warm.














Getting all this right is key to a smooth and fast labour, besides one that is natural, without intervention by the doctor and no necessary need for knives and other equipment that may harm the baby and the mother.














Being in the delivery room, I am in awe at how a 3164 gram baby with a head circumference of 32cm and a height of 48cm can come out of the womb in 1 hour without any tear on the vagina or the need for the doctor to incise to enlarge the passage. Neither was epidural taken, so Sayaka is fully alert through this natural birth.

(Photos show Sayaka and sister, Haruka at the hospital with friends who have visited us. Video at the bottom shows 10 minute old Sayaka waving peace for 2011).

Tip 236: Avoid unnecessary labour induction

My experience of labour with my first child was in Japan at a midwife's center with strong emphasis on natural birth. My second child was delivered in Singapore at end of 2010 and only then, I realized the common habit of doctors in hospitals to induce labour. Fortunately, we had already advised our doctor in advanced of our preference for natural birth and paid the necessary ward class to have our preferred doctor facilitate the delivery, instead of other doctors who have not had communication with us earlier.














It seems like a simple procedure to induce birth. The doctor puts a sterile, plastic thin hook into the vagina, brush against the membranes just inside the cervix to cause artificial rupture and cause the water bag to break. When this happens, contraction can happen at a faster rate especially if it has already started. Often times, the woman at labour does not know what happens as she may not be able to feel the quick 2 seconds procedure and will not be able to see it. The doctor may not even explain the procedure to the parents in advanced, and treat it as part of the labour process. But, is this natural birth and is this necessary if there is no compelling reasons for it?














There are various legitimate reasons why a doctor need to induce labour. Among others, being prolonged pregnancy beyond 42nd weeks, baby being too big for safe labour or the woman has health risks. However, reasons such as doctors wanting to avoid delivering at night or during holiday season should not be excuses to invite mothers to admit to the hospital early for delivery.














Most doctors would act professionally to ask the mother to be admitted to hospital only when there is head engagement where the fetal head has descended into the pelvic cavity so that only a small part can be felt abdominally and most of it felt vaginally. It is known as the baby drop or lightening as there is renewed ease of breathing and release of pressure on the upper abdomen, but higher pressure on the rectum and pelvic floor. The mother can believe the doctor's words when she has increased sensation that the baby will fall out any moment.














Yet, how clear is the definition of head engagement? Would the doctor define it as fully engaged outside the abdomen or just about to engage into the vagina? The doctor may persuade the parents that once the water bag is broken, there may be little time to manage the labour process and advise admission to the delivery room much earlier. Yet, once admission to the delivery room, the parents have little choice to when they want the baby to be delivered as there will be charges associated to time spent in the delivery room.















These days, the hospital will usually provide a slightly earlier estimated due date (EDD) of 40th week gestation instead of the maximum of 42 weeks. There is possibility that this is to manage parent's expectation better in case the babies need to be delivered earlier to better manage hospital space and doctor's availability.














Yet, are we allowing nature to best take its place? Would a child achieve best optimum conditions if allowed to be delivered only when the water bag breaks and in God's perfect timing? Or should we listen to the doctor to please his/our convenience to deliver the baby as soon as slight conditions allow for the delivery? Would a longer gestation period support longevity and better health conditions for the baby? There are some who believe that aiming for natural birth with the longest possible gestation period (if health conditions permit) allows for better health to the baby and that he or she may have a longer life to live. I believe these are among the admirable, pure and excellent things that we should think about and aim to accomplish. Mummy decides this as she will be bearing the pain, yet sometimes mummy looks to daddy to judge on whether to accept what the doctor say as truth or not. Daddy being in the delivery room and in the whole delivery process and doctor visits helps better decision making.














(Photos show 10 minute old Sayaka born in 2010 in Singapore).