Tip 249: Learning right/wrong early

It is amazing how innocent a baby is. They smile in their sleep so often. They have no worries or cares. Occasionally, they do of course cry for milk, but they have no concern whatsoever. Yet, I believe this begins to change when they begin to recognize their parents and develop an attachment towards them.

The baby's self identity begins to develop as they understand the concept of self and others, as well as the close family circle who cares for them more lovingly. Their curiosity develops and so will the ability to discern right and wrong. The first sense of right and wrong is when the baby decides what is the right or dangerous position to avoid pain or to enjoy comfort. The baby will try out different positions and learn its surroundings and understand its pain receptors. As they esteem their parents who feed them, they begin to attribute trust if their parents will further teach them how to enjoy more comfort or avoid danger.

The crucial window to teach right and wrong starts when the baby observes you and develops trust. This I believe can happen as early as 4 months old. The baby may not respond to any teaching, but they may remember. Start by teaching a body language for yes or of approval, such as by nodding your head and smile. For negative or undesirable behaviour, shake your head, frown or signal your finger or palm to demonstrate disapproval. Do this whenever you want to encourage or discourage a certain behaviour.

You can try it when the baby cries or when the baby wants to taste a certain food even if the baby seem not to understand. When you start using these body languages early, the baby will have already learnt them. When it comes to the time when the baby crawls, these body languages will be very useful to discourage the baby from going to certain areas. Or when the baby wants milk or food, they could express it to you by herself even if she does not speak yet.

I was pleasantly impressed one day when Sayaka at 6 months old, nods her head when she saw me eating a banana. By being able to express herself, her self esteem improves as she feels happy being able to communicate even without speaking or developing a vocabulary yet other than papa or mama.

She also begins to associate the word No as opposite to Yes, and would stop any undesirable behaviour slowly when I begin to express disapproval. When daddy can communicate with baby, it is the best feeling ever.

(Photos show the girls at a birthday party, scenes from the Singapore Art Museum and Sayaka's first mirror room experience there).

Tip 237: Prenatal exercise/posture for natural birth

These days, most babies are not in the head down and most optimal position in the womb to deliver through natural birth. That is why there is increasing occurrence of cesarean, usage of forceps, vacuum and high intervention of the doctor during labour. The World Health Organization has stated that a cesarean rate over 15% is harmful as it increases maternal death rate and infant morbidity. The USA rate is 33% and is rising and is much higher in some states. Yet, this can be avoided through better prenatal posture and exercises.














Our modern lifestyle today is to blame for the less than optimal position of the baby. If we move back in history, women were in different postures during their daily chores, often times leaning forward washing the dishes in the sink or sowing seeds in the farms, on their hands and knees while cleaning the floor or gardening, or at least sitting upright in straight backed hard wooden chairs. These days, most postures and lifestyle encourage leaning back on a comfortable computer chair or couch.















Hence, the mother need to be extra conscious of the need for good posture and put efforts in prenatal exercises. By sitting straight up or leaning forward, gravity will naturally pull the fetal's head and spine down and forward into the anterior position in the womb. Postures to avoid include sitting back on a couch, recliner or soft chair, sleeping on the back or crossing the legs. It is preferable to sleep on the side (preferably the left side) with a pillow beneath the knees. When sitting, it is best to ensure the knees are always lower than the hip bones. A pillow can thus be placed on the seat. Besides posture, there are 2 exercises as shown on the left. The one on top is called knee chest position to be done 3 times a day for 15 minutes. It gently brings down the fetus out of the pelvis, so it can rotate into a more favorable position. The bottom exercise is called pelvic rock, which can be done after the knee chest position. It is an excellent exercise to relieve back pressure and keep the fetus in the optimal position.














Previously, I also blogged about visiting a chiropractor who is trained in the Webster technique. Besides moving the fetal into a head down position, it also alleviates pelvic and uterine restriction, so the fetal can move to the optimal position on its own. Another blogpost speaks about a Japanese midwife tip to always keep mummy's leg warm.














Getting all this right is key to a smooth and fast labour, besides one that is natural, without intervention by the doctor and no necessary need for knives and other equipment that may harm the baby and the mother.














Being in the delivery room, I am in awe at how a 3164 gram baby with a head circumference of 32cm and a height of 48cm can come out of the womb in 1 hour without any tear on the vagina or the need for the doctor to incise to enlarge the passage. Neither was epidural taken, so Sayaka is fully alert through this natural birth.

(Photos show Sayaka and sister, Haruka at the hospital with friends who have visited us. Video at the bottom shows 10 minute old Sayaka waving peace for 2011).

Tip 215: Coaxing new habits in a baby

I watched a program about animals and how they cared for their young. A baby seal was with the mother seal on the icy surface, already independently moving around without needing the warmth of the mother. The mother knows that this is the right time to teach the baby to swim in the icy cold water under the ice surface. A hole was made on the ice. The mother seal feels the cold water and dives into the water. Then, it surfaces to look for the baby. It made constant noise for the baby to follow her. Then, it pushes the baby into the cold water and follows it. This is natural parenting. The mother did not think that the baby can swim without persistent coaxing. How else will the baby learn to swim and search for food without her mother teaching it and patiently coaxing the baby the habits needed for survival and living? Who else will the baby learn from? Even if the animals live in packs, they would only follow after their mother. Of course, there are always instances where babies separate from their parents and is cared by another female in the pack, but such is out of the ordinary.














Society has progressed that we think kids can learn on their own. We think others can do the job of caring for our babies. Yet, kids learn best from their parents. Good habits need to be learnt early in childhood, or even while the baby is 1 or 2 years old. Habits such as keeping your toys after play, learning to wait patiently and silently while someone is making a phone call, sitting attentively and listening when others speak instead of playing and distracting other children, saying good morning to everyone even when you are not in the mood, greeting everyone when you enter the home and putting back your own shoes, giving thanks for the food before eating, taking pride in keeping busy such as reading or playing independently or helping mummy in kitchen, smiling when someone looks at you (if the person looks pleasant and safe), knowing what is safe and what is dangerous before doing something or going somewhere. The list goes on and yes, it can be learnt and practiced by a 2 year old. Children may learn all these things by themselves. Yet, if the parent can share them lovingly to the child, the habits stamp a more lasting impact in their lives. If we have time for them, we need not lose our patience and instruct them or scold them. We instead can patiently coax or motivate them to inculcate these values daily. If we feel our children are just not as obedient, then it is ever more a case to spend more time with them. The mother seal definitely would feel anxious if her baby is not learning how to swim. Children will definitely catch this earlier in childhood if they caught it from their parents, instead of from their maid or from their teachers at school. Teachers play an important role as children do look up to certain teachers. But, what if they are none that they look up to or if the children seem to adore TV characters more than exemplary caring adults around them. We, parents need to play that role. If the mother seal can do it due to her God given role, why can't us? Let's do it and make this world a better place.

(Photos show Haruka in Malaysia during the Chinese New Year holidays to visit her grandparents. An uncommon beautiful large well maintained park with wild monkeys at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail, Kuala Lumpur with aunt Oy Mooi who came back from USA and heading to Sabah for good and Haruka's first lion dance).

Tip 213: Regular exercises at playground

Like adults, babies and kids need to exercise. We assume our kids are usually active and running around when we are not with them. We assume they have full of energy and is so youthful like we were when we were much younger. Yet, kids these days may prefer to watch the TV, watch youtube on the Internet on our computers, draw and write, read their books or simply play their toys at the comfort of the home. Even if they go to kindergarten or play school or to the babysitters, there is no guarantee that they are interested to run around and play. They may prefer to sit at the side and watch others run under the sun or simply stay indoors. It may seem unnecessary to be in control of our child's activities all the time. We assume they will develop an interest later for activities that most kids their age will enjoy. Yes, they would. But, it is also necessary for parents to keep a close eye on their kids physical and athletic
development. There is a role for parents to motivate their kids and expose them to the different types of play and exercises. Probably, boys may develop their own sense of play and exercises better than girls. Hence, a dad needs to show his daughter how to climb and how best to utilize the different facilities at the playground. For instance, when Haruka was playing at the slide, I just needed to suggest to her that she can put her hands on the railingand swing. She tried it out and enjoyed it. Sometimes, some of the facilities requires climbing and Haruka is unsure if she can do it. She is unsure of how to step certain climbing railings. I guide her legs and hands when I encourage her to climb. I stand behind her to catch her if she loses a grip. Or I do it in front of Haruka like a big daddy monkey and gives Haruka a glimpse of how it can be done. It is up to her if she takes up my challenge to do it. Else, I will wait for her to gather enough courage to do it at her next play time. What if daddy was not there? I think it will be less motivating and less supportive for Haruka to do her own exercises. Our presence do make a difference. Some kids may be more independent and creative than others. Some kids may depend on our presence to guide them to make the most of the facilities, toys and books around them to learn and maximize their full potential.

(Photos show Haruka at her first hand swing exercise at 2 years old with daddy clapping at the background)

Tip 136: An observing eye and smile towards animals

There are many simple pleasures in this world. As I observe the different animals that roam freely in the neighbourhood with Haruka, I too catch the same enthusiasm that Haruka has towards these beautiful creatures of God. It started during my weekend walking strolls with Haruka when she was just around 4-5 months with an eye towards any moving object around her. I would give Tomomi a break to the Japanese bookshop, while its just daddy time with daughter. We walk around the neighbourhood with Haruka in my arm and we would see the different cute poodles taken out by elderly neighbours who also long to greet Haruka. A perfect encounter where Haruka could have a longer stare towards these cute playful creatures, giving her an amusing smile and probably shaped her friendly disposition to want to emulate the playful animals. Animals have little stress in an environment where they are shown love instead of ill treatment and its these content and joy that we can each emulate. Nowadays, children begin to lack these simple content and joy of life that children centuries ago enjoyed without the presence of material attractions, mass media and intense competition. Maybe there is a need to take the children out of their usual environment to gain an observing smile towards how animals smile at life.

In my strolls with Haruka, I would point out to her the flying seagulls in Canary Wharf, the swift squirrels in London parks who would not mind approaching for food, the loving pigeons up above the electric lines pecking each others' cheeks, the koi fish and mandarin ducks swimming around the ponds in Kowloon park, the colourful butterflies enjoying the flowers grown by diligent residents and the toad out for a hop after rain. I would make different animal sounds when we could see them to allow Haruka to remember these animals better even when she would not know a single word then. Haruka smiles as the poodles jumped to lick her cheek. Or when the squirrels seem to want to say hello. As she grew older and knew how to walk, her observation has taught her to approach only friendly animals and only reach out to the animals when they are interested to play. Often times, she would have a quick eye even when the dogs are at a distance away and would stray from our walking path to walk towards others with dogs to be able to pat them for a few minutes. We probably do not intend to have a pet until we settle down in a larger home with a garden when the children go to school. But until then, anybody can make that effort to go to that park nearby or simply have an eye towards those loving pigeons. The lessons we learn from these beautiful creature are much more than the childrens' DVD that the child watches daily.

Do you have a pet at home or exposes your children much to animals? Do you think they make a difference in childrens' lives?

(Photos show Haruka warming up to a dog at Blenheim Palace garden, Haruka approaching a cat at Mudchute farm, pigeons, seagulls, ducks and goose at Regent Park, a squirrel approaching Haruka thinking she has some food to give at Crossharbour, London, a swan at Oxford river and Haruka intruding into a family picnic at Bleinheim Palace garden).

Tip 134: Instill love for music and musicians

There have been many parenting literature that advocate parents to expose young children and even babies early to music. It was in 1962 that an article in the Time magazine reported that researchers found that babies speed up their heartbeats as they respond to music while in the womb. As they grow up, this interest towards music continues in a baby to investigate where the music comes from and to develop good mood with certain types of music. Babies in fact may get too used to different tones and sounds that they are nearing a phenomenon I coin as sound overload, being not too different from information overload where the listener need to establish what is valid and good music. There is musical sound from everywhere such as the T.V., radio/CD player, computer, billboard, lift and cell phone that the baby may begin to prefer machine music and loud music than music from other musical instruments. I try to point to Haruka whenever the opportunity arises of the different musical instruments people play and give her some time to observe them playing.

Its interesting that Haruka does have the attention span to stand still sometimes when I let her observe a music being played. At an age when she is adorable and cute, many musicians would find such a sight of an observant infant student to be most welcoming and delightful. They would smile at Haruka and this further creates a good feeling for Haruka to stay longer to observe. Haruka used to dance more when I ask her to in the presence of music, but not so much as she grows older and decides what she likes to do instead. Not sure how all these will take her on her path to music discovery. I reckon that any time spent observing and listening is a good skill to be acquired since most children these days prefer to be attracted to the different colourful toys, electronic gadgets, TV and computers. Some studies suggests that being exposed to music and later to give musical lessons to children may enhance intelligence and academic achievement, build self-esteem and improve discipline. It is certainly too far ahead to have academic goals for Haruka, but I am doing my small bit as a daddy to pause whenever possible to let Haruka observe the different beautiful things around her. Music is certainly one of them. Of course, mummy would wonder the rationale of standing in front of a street musician under a London bridge for 10 minutes. But, I am sure if Haruka is interested, there is more good than harm. Its certainly a more refreshing activity than just learning to press the CD player button to listen to music.

Do you think these days that music from the TV, CD player and computer seem to be heard more frequently than music played live by a musician? Do you think it matters at all to a baby?

(Photos show Haruka being entertained by a friendly group of violinist and flutist playing upbeat classical music at Covent Garden market, London; Haruka at the red carpet premier of the film Australia with a team of jazz musicians, singers and dancers; a smiling Korean harp player at the Rose lounge of Sofitel St James London hotel; Haruka and Tomomi posing beside an Oxford folk musician playing a horn fiddle accompanied by British folk dancers at a fair in Oxford city; and a video of Haruka jiggling to some good music amidst her tight winter clothes receiving the applause of many later).