Tip 57: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

... Who is the prettiest of them all? It got to be my darling baby Haruka and my darling wife Tomomi. From 5 month onwards or maybe slightly before, I noticed Haruka has an interest to look at mirrors. Babies are beginning to observe their surroundings more closely, improve their memory of it and begin to understand the concept of mirror. In fact, after 3 months, the baby would be uncomfortable sleeping in a new bedroom or bathing in a new bathroom (especially if its not a nicely lit room with nice surroundings). I carry Haruka in front of the mirror and wave at the mirror with a smile. She gets excited and then remembers that daddy was carrying her and not in front of her. So she turns back and looks at me. Then, she turns front and looks at the mirror reflection of me waving. Then, she looks at me. Its the same person. There are 2 daddies! She is beginning to try to understand. Mirrors are great ways for an object lesson on surroundings and improving memory of a baby's vision.

Its amazing how a baby learns. Its exponential growth in learning from month 3 when the baby has full control of her 5 senses and explores it. It seems like yesterday, when I was in the baby delivery room and out came Haruka and her first reaction was to turn her head around looking at the new surroundings. She is one curious girl and I am glad her learning developments are good and would be a clever girl one day. All children will be intelligent in this coming era where parents are competing against each other or working together to obtain the best information to provide the best learning environment for children. In a globalized world, there will be not only a competition to be best in maths, computers, science, arts and literature, but also in acquiring as much languages, ability to understand cultures and improve ones communication with anybody from anywhere. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the smartest of them all? Its our God who created each of us, so we may be humbled that we are human and is imperfect but has the desire to strive for the best.

Tip 56: Appreciating others

Many tips seem to be not linked to being a daddy. I talked about foreign currency accounts, being a good employee, be more connected and buying houses. But I feel that they all link to being a daddy and becoming more interested to know more, gain more from life and make the most of every situation through sustainable means. And appreciating others is one important bit in life that I hope many would learn including me. Being given the priviledge to see life grow close up especially one of my own flesh and blood, I begin to appreciate life and people. Also being a father and husband puts relationship in a new perspective, where you live with another individual with so many concerns and responsibilities, you realize that love means sacrifice and caring for one another and appreciating each other's presence. No more short term perspectives but to value each individual you meet as special encounter, and that person is a special individual created by God with the same life that you have and also of that in your baby. Life - respect it, value it, cherish it, love it.

Its easy to be saying all the lovey dovey things and dream idealistic thoughts of heaven when we live on earth. I know its tough to deal with difficult people and there are even murderers and insane people out there. I know 2 such people personally- one who would cheat the money of another and not hesitate to do whatever it takes (I have seen him punching) and another would be a manager who would think she is right all the time, be able to spot weaknesses of others and would not hesitate to attack others out of sheer pastime and then blame it that others has loss her respect and deserve such attacks. Such is the complexity of human being and the damage sin has done to this world that we are prone to anger, jealousy, pride and lust. Yet, being a daddy, I feel we had that power to create life and with power comes responsibility. Not just being responsible to our children but also to show a role model to our children that we treat life with respect and yearn to love and appreciate others. There are times we need to exercise wisdom to steer clear from certain individuals and may we have a sensitive heart and mind to gain wisdom from God to do what is right and to love. I hope Haruka-chan reading this one day will know that his dad tries his best to appreciate people. Its easy to judge others that they do not do as we hope as I do judge others sometimes too, but we should learn to love.

Tip 55: Exercise early, everyday

The title of this tip can mean different things. Early exercise is a financial term to mean exercising the rights granted by a financial option or security before its maturity or expiration date. This brings us to a question - is there a maturity or expiration date for daddy or at least, a date when daddy needs to seriously consider a rigid exercise routine? Probably its too late to be using the term early exercise but more to highlight the fact that all daddies need to start thinking of an exercise routine. Research showed that we need to start as early as 12 years old and such early exercise in life for instance can protect girls from breast cancer. All the more, a good motivation for daddies to buck up on their goals to keep a fit and healthy body, be disciplined for exercise and be a good role model for their kids one day. This brings us to more questions ... How many days per week do you exercise? Its amazing that many health conscious people from developed countries do at least a 5 day per week routine, if not daily with exceptions only when one is sick. Of course, exercise differs from individual to individual whether its carrying a 5 kg baby everyday to pulling weeds in the backyard to a solid gym routine. The modern environment these days have rendered many tasks less strenuous than before which makes the human body in need of more conscious exercise efforts. For daddy, nothing is more important than being safe, healthy and full of energy to give to ones' family and the people around him. And that means, getting our lazy butts off the couch and work out our bodies.

Ever since leaving my home country and the lifestyle of driving everyday, I got to a good habit of cycling to whereever I want to go. Its convenient, cheap and sometimes quicker than taking a bus. Besides its quite flexible where you can check out new areas easily without worrying about parking your car. You begin to check out stores along your usual cycling routine to take a break or just to appreciate nature. Of course, it helps when the environment is clean with good bicycle and pedestrian lanes, traffic that's not too heavy and abidding to the rules and good scenery along the cycling route. When in Hawaii, it was such a priviledge to check out new beaches easily when not in a hurry. Now in Tokyo, since the cost of parking and maintaining a car is expensive without government petrol subsidies, its a good motivation to not own a car and the luxury of not doing exercises. Living in central Tokyo, I am just 30 minutes bicycle ride from my work place at Akasaka business district with a pleasant view of greenery and river on the way instead of a crowded train full of passengers. Though, getting used to cycling everyday makes me think that I may need a more rigorous exercise routine. Maybe getting more involved in house work and getting back home early to carry little Haruka more would make up for it.

Tip 54: Communicate early with head nodding

I have been writing many tips about communicating early and I am more and more convinced each day that parents need to start communicating at a level that the baby understands. And when that happens, the baby responds. Its probably same to toddlers, kindy going kids, teenagers and even young adults. Children (and even adults) mature at different ages and we can not be impatient to want them understand all our wisdom at one go. We can not talk our lingo but need to speak at a level understood by them. Its probably different at office where your managers expect you to understand their point of view - yet I am beginning to be more convinced that the art of communication requires us to understand that some people need time to understand certain wisdom and we need to prepare them for it. Hence, for a baby - lots of body language - including shaking your head to symbolise No, and nodding your head - to signify yes. And be patient ... the baby will respond in due time as they remember.

I blogged about using toys to teach communication, mimicking an animal's sound that the baby will remember, using play actions and sounds during bath time and lips smacking when feeding. Its all simple communication initiatives and later the baby will emulate the same communication gestures. Whenever Haruka is stretching out her hand towards an object that I do not want her to take, I would say Iya-iya (which means no in Japanese kids talk) and shake my head. And if I want her to eat something, I would smack my lips and say its Oishi (delicious) and nod my head and say Yes. Haruka understands me. We need to continue to strive to communicate to others at the level they can understand. The world's wisdom is beyond many of us and some who understands things better than others, need to not overwhelm the rest, but to steadily impress others of such truth. Pushing others to grasp what we are so enthusiastic about can sometimes lead to negative results. A better way is to smile and assess what the other person understands. Then, nod our heads or shake it. Most would understand this gesture even as a baby.

Tip 53: Weekends are not for resting/sleeping

You must be as alarmed to read this tip as I was when I heard it from a good friend of mine. Stay with me for a little while. :) My friend is now a daddy to a 6 year old boy and he said that daddies with babies up till age 3 need to be resting less during the weekends and instead make themselves useful around the house. Okay, now does that make a little more sense? Probably some who are not daddies will find this either too common sense a tip to be mentioned or wonder why it is necessary to put this as a rule since daddies need not sacrifice their weekends and can do as they please. Though, if this is never put as a rule, daddy will find it convenient to indulge in their past time forgetting mummy or rest his tired body and forget that only the weekends, baby and mummy get to have daddy full-time. For a number of reasons, the first 3 years at least for the first baby can make or break mummy and the relationship between daddy and mummy. Daddy sometimes rationalizes that he also works very hard at his job and if he can do it, why can't mummy do the same and should still smile and be understanding of daddy. Well, some mummies who stay at home all the time with the baby, or have to juggle between work and household chores will either give up their relationship with daddy or give up feeling proud of their mummy role. Its probably hard to envision but many mummies face an intense pressure and burden. My friend actually shared that his wife actually went through tremendous pressure that gave her a depression for a period of time. I would not want that to happen to my wife for sure.

Many daddies will have to admit that they are pretty much still a kid deep inside them and feel happy to have their wives look after their needs. Some would even have a slip of their tongue to voice their appreciation to their wives as good mothers to them and risk having mummies hurt. Daddies may think that if they hold a good paying job, they may be more important than mummy, while mummy on the other hand feels she has sacrificed so much for the family leaving her freedom, preferences and friends behind to put baby and family first. With all these thoughts and feelings in mind, the weekend seems like the test of how much both love each other. Do one spend the weekend cooking for the other, ironing each other's clothes, spending more time with the baby? Its surely a temptation to sleep till noon and then have lunch with mummy since for the past 5 days, daddy worked till late with a difficult boss and a tight deadline. But, mummy feels the same that daddy should instead give mummy the rest and freedom she needs over a difficult baby and a tight multitasking home schedule. We can give mummy a break to go shopping or take her out for a good meal, but if we do not lend a hand in household chores and spend more time with baby at home, then it seems like we are good for nothing at home. Make ourselves useful ... make our bodies work harder. It will be fine. Daddies are as tough as mummies.

Tip 52: Learning crucial business/daily processes

Often times, a dad is expected to be the know-it-all in the family. Being a foreigner in Japan, I knew there were many processes and cultures that I was not familiar with, but I made it a point to be exposed to as many of them as possible to make better financial decisions. One way is to build a good network of friends who are sincere, helpful and ever willing to share knowledge honestly. I thank God for the friends who would go the extra mile to ensure I am fine and strive likewise to be the same to them. Acquaintances in different industries do offer that helpline you can call as well whenever you need some professional advice. The key is to recipocrate and build goodwill so that strangers become acquaintances and progress to friends. Of course, some possess more 'friend material' than others and would advance along the relationship line in a faster pace but I always strive for goodwill with all and seek after win win relationships where both parties win. The other way of obtaining information is by doing. Once the social network is built, there is always something you can do for others easily and through the doing, you learn more and begin to bless your family and others with your knowledge. And maybe blogging will then multiply your efforts to bless others who find your knowledge useful.

One example is my experience in the rental business which then gave me confidence in buying a property in Tokyo. It started with a favor to assist my landlord to rent an empty room out and then the demand was good through my resourcefulness in advertising and getting introduced, that I took up more and more rooms and later took up a few apartment units as well. The effort involved seem monstrous but by building good relationships with my tenants, they ended up managing them independently and allowed me to continue my day job without much interruptions. This gave me a good understanding of the rental market as well as the possible problems and how to tackle them. Many would buy a property and realize later that they have no use for it as well as not know how to generate consistent rental income streams from it. In the end, the efforts and transaction cost involved in buying the property would drain daddy and mummy financially as well as emotionally. Through speaking to others from my network at Linked In, I got introduced to many kind and intelligent recruiters, financial advisors, tax advisors, lawyers, bank officers handling home mortgage loans and entrepreneurs and would be glad to share them with you if you introduce yourself well. I am always glad to meet with new people whom I can help and learn from as well. Of course, now as daddy, I begin to priorities and delegate the doing.

Tip 51: The no nonsense monkey up above

The title of this post is not crude nor irreverent. I placed a cuddly stuffed monkey to hang high up just below my aircond in my bedroom. Haruka has other stuffed toys too that she plays often such as a cute dog, a cuddly kitten, green frog, fish, elephant, bear, rabbit and a few others I could not remember. But this monkey hangs up there and sometimes, I would carry Haruka up to see it closer. Whenever Haruka cries, I will say the monkey is looking at you and laughing at you. Then, I would say, Shame, Shame, Haruka-chan (baby Haruka). Sometimes, she would stop for a moment and look at the monkey as I point at it. I would do a shame gesture with fingers brushing both the monkeys cheek and then later both my cheeks and looking at Haruka with a sneer.

Babies after 3-4 months can understand many simple conversations and role play. Role plays are useful to instil creativity and help the baby be interested in communications. Besides acting like a clown, daddy can relate different behaviors to the baby by talking to stuffed toys. Daddy can talk to the baby and the toys and encourage an environment of talking instead of crying. Its fun to talk. All other children are talking too. Haruka is beginning to look around when she plays at a playcenter near our home where Tomomi would take her a few times a week when the weather is good. Haruka is hearing what children are saying and how they cry and most of the time, she is learning the bad habits. Where I stay, Shinjuku ward, Tokyo, there is a volunteer playcenter by the government that is full of toys with a large play area and they only charge 1000 yen (USD$10) membership a year. This is one way the government is supportive of families with young children who have little room to play in their small apartments. The Shinjuku ward happens to be one of the most generous in the whole of Japan in its initiative to encourage childbirth. Among other intiatives is its monthly cash deposit of 10,000 yen (USD$100) for 15 years into my bank account for every child born and registered in this ward on top of tax rebates that I get. These incentives may actually work to spur the growth rate in Japan and with exports increasing due to good trade relations with China, India and Asia, Japan's economy may actually be in the positive for the next 5-10 years before emerging economies improve their education and technology and begin to replace Japan and USA and we will see more innovative and technology centers sprouting around the world. So I need to buck up and teach creativity to my children so they can lead change. Creativity starts from play.

Tip 50: Patience, love and faith to ride any storms

In my last tip, I spoke of global warming but this tip relates to storms at home. Yeap, its not easy to live together as a new family. No matter how loving a couple looks in public, there are many differences felt between each other (even the most loving and patient of couples) and add a child or a few of them and you have more differences in expectations, preferences and personalities to deal with. Fatigue, pride as we grow wiser and richer, and the lack of friends can make things worse. Some resort to increasing loud exchanges that fuel more and more hatred for each other. Some resort to keeping quiet at every meal and avoid confrontation and stiffle their emotions leaving the heart an easy victim of temptations. A comment left at tip 46 mentioned that the love for his child has taken away the love he has for his wife. I am sure mummies feel that even more as they are more emotionally connected to the child. Sometimes little acts of love does not stop the raging conflict that's overwhelming both couples. Being patient alone and agreeing to disagree and keeping quiet and loving superficially may not be the solution either. There is a need to be honest early on in the relationship that you want to make a difference and you can love, that you are genuinely committed to try to meet the "impossible" expectations of your spouse and you have faith in your spouse that she can do it as well to be patient and accept you and together with God's help both of you will understand the true meaning of love.

Sounds easy on words, but trust me, I do not have it easy at home either. Both mummy and daddy needs to know that its already tough to love another selflessly when both are different and unique individuals, plus the fatique and stress of managing home with an additional member and the possibility of not showing affections to our spouse as we concentrate on the baby. Hence, the need for patience. And the need to make more efforts to love selflessly. And even if we do not have results, we need the faith to believe love never fails. Same goes with our relationship with God. As we mature and know more about loving God, God often times want to instill patience in us through different trials and yet when we do not see God and do not receive clear directions from Him, we have faith that He loves us. We need to have that faith that our spouse loves us and to let that thought be grounded in our hearts and minds so we love more and more selflessly each day. Patience, love and faith. Wow, it seems if we get it right we can change this world for the better. In the mean time, lets get it right, believe in love and press on to love as we will then be good daddies, take hold of life and make a difference. If you must seek after God, to help you. Let me leave the bible verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: Love is patient, love is kind, love does not brag and is not arrogant, love's ways are ever fair, it does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not keep track of wrong, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Tip 49: Check the weather before you head out

Its been a sad month to know of both the Myanmar cyclone and the earthquake at China claiming tens of thousands of lives. I just watched The Day After Tomorrow movie before writing this post and global warming is at the top of my mind. Even Al Gore used it to refer to the Myanmar cyclone. According to him, hurricanes and storms have been part of seasonal weather conditions, but of late we have been seeing many Category 5 storms. I am personally being more concerned for my safety now as a dad than before I got married. As a teen, I used to want to be a hero in crisis situations (influenced by Hollywood movies) of how I plan to save others and myself. But, precautions are more on my mind these days than thinking of how to act during those situations. I am also personally more concerned for hurricanes, typhoons and cyclones than earthquakes. This site on earthquakes mentioned that earthquakes are not necessarily more frequent these days, but because of increased seismographic stations, more transparent reporting of damages and better global communication, the world has greater fear of earthquakes. But, I would be preparing myself for the months of May, June, July as its the season for storms in the Northern Hemisphere (countries north of the equator). What we should do is check out weather reports before you go out and check online on storm updates when you are working that day. Most people are getting used with these typhoon updates, but its always better to be safe than sorry. Everywhere around the globe, global warming would affect more drastic storms and floods and daddies need to be aware of possible storms and floods so your family need not be trapped in such situations as far as possible.

I would only bring my umbrellas after checking the online weather report and so far, the weather reporting in Japan is almost 100% accurate. I am sure the same for many developed countries. Usually, we would be alerted of storms/typhoons few days in advanced. By 1-2 days, we would know if the approaching typhoon would be a small one or not. Almost all the time, it subsides when it reaches Tokyo, but would hit hard Tomomi's hometown - the island of Okinawa, south of Japan. But, still if it rains heavy, trains maybe stalled. I live just 20 minutes bicycle ride from my office and my home is on higher ground and away from the ocean. Decided to focus on good location fundamentals when purchasing my apartment. Tomomi have always had the habit of keeping a few bottles of mineral bottles in our home in case of an earthquake. In Japan, we have an earthquake warning system that automatically halts trains, gas and critical manufacturing processes. Also, the buildings are built to withstand most earthquakes and its sad that its the poorer countries that would suffer more in the face of such disasters. Basic necessities such as blankets and disaster centers are few and it will be miserable especially if disaster hits a poor country during winter such as happened to India previously. In Tokyo, most public schools are designated as disaster centers with a huge supply of water. After watching the movie today, another useful tip would be to use the public phone booths/office or home phone lines to contact family members should your cell phone signal be not available. The month of May/June is a month of typhoons. There will be a typhoon approaching Tokyo this coming Tuesday, but so far, it seems mild and just bringing some showers. In fact, the showers in Tokyo are of smaller magnitude than the torrential tropical rainfall back home in Malaysia. But Daddy is ready to be safe.

Tip 48: Sitting up

Babies can sit up by themselves around 3-6 months. But, around 2-4 months, some babies can sit on a chair or a pillow to support their back if their back are fairly firm. Babies love being placed on such surfaces as they get to see their surroundings. And it also makes their backs firmer so they can sit up by themselves at an earlier age. It helps when you do the leg and hand exercises shared in tip 7 which strengthens the back as well.

Haruka could sit up by herself around the 4th month. I think its because of the leg and hand exercises (against her mum's wishes - so daddy is right after all). Besides the cradle swing she was sleeping around month 2 is slightly curved which also made her move her back more. But later, she preferred to sleep next to mummy as it made breast feeding more convenient and she slept each time after breast feeding. I have to be thankful that Haruka has no problems sleeping and usually do not wake us up at night. I think sitting up always also makes her observe her surroundings more and increases her learning abilities.

(from top, photos show Haruka at 3 months and 4 months. Photo at here shows 5 months. All are aided sittting and not her getting up on her own, but she started sitting by herself around 6 months).

Tip 47: Be a good employee

This tip will probably not apply to some who own businesses, but I would probably post that tip on being an entrepreneur one day. But still this tip is relevant to hiring good employees. In all my blogging, it may sound that I have "made it", but trust me, I have not and is still a student of life daily and may I ever be so humble to learn more and blog about it. Such is life. I saw a question on LinkedIn - "Which qualities do managers and bosses look for in a good employee?". I answered, a good employee is one with integrity, passion for the job and company, teamwork (even for a high individualistic role, the person needs to mentor another to take over his/her job one day), diligence, ability to learn fast on the job and willingness to learn new things (in case the skill or technology becomes obsolete). A good leader would be all the above, plus possessing strategic thinking abilities, a good communicator at all levels, a good manager of people by knowing who to trust and trusting people in trusting others and themselves and a good executor (or to see through execution).

On retrospection, I realized I have matured much more after being a dad than before. More self control, more willingness to forego my stubborn self (don't we all have that stubborness?), more willingness to change, also more zeal to pray and realize that I need to be a good role model daddy to my children and to pass on a legacy and decent footprint on earth. Also began to reflect more on long term sustainability and the importance of relationships. And this translated to my better appreciation of work relationships and the determination to maintain a same identity both at workplace and at home and at church. I once lived a life where I would be different persons at the workplace, at home and at church. Somehow, I wanted to explore different roles in these different places and as I wore the Ring (not the marriage ring, but the ring of indulgence as per Lord of the Rings book/movie), it just got worse till you were stuck in that role or hole you have dug for yourself. But, how sustainable is that and are you not a slave to indulgence more and more? Break free and be a good employee and role model. Telling myself this more and more each day so I can strive to be a better employee and be a better leader at work. By the way, I am now an Assistant Manager in a Japanese company. Its really tough in a foreign land especially with a heavier title to carry around my neck. But, I am daddy now and I want to do better. So can you? It just takes some determination. Lets encourage one another. And pray to receive strength from God each day to lead and guide you through your journey of life.

Tip 46: Remembering mother's day and all other Dates?

I don't know if dads are generally bad with dates or just me. Fortunately, May 11 is not too difficult to remember since the media is ever so persistent in telling you about this important date. I do not watch TV so much these days, but even when I am out for lunch, you can see banners telling you that Mother's Day is arriving. But, the other problem we daddies face, besides memory loss on important dates, is the need to act before the nick of time. That is, to get that gift you had been thinking of, make that restaurant reservation, buy the ingredients for that meal you had plan on cooking. Well, I guess mummy too would complain that they have to do all this yet, never fail to impress us. So, maybe its time for daddies to buck up. Before more dates enter the picture when we have more kids and more appointments to attend to. We surely can do it by getting organized with dates sooner.

I am somehow very bad with dates. Is it because I am not thoughtful enough? Sigh. Well, now I am zooming into a smaller scope of just my family. I do not have too many solutions to offer on remembering dates - except the realization that dates matter. Maybe putting it on the diary at the beginning of the year by spending 4 minutes to think of all dates that we need to remember. Then, entering these dates into our outlook for meeting reminders with a 1 week reminder period. Hey, we are going somewhere as I just thought of this while blogging. Lets see if it works. If any of you daddies out there, have good tips to remember dates, do share. And if there is any inspiration or motivation to remember dates, I just found this blog ring entitled "Does your dad forget your birthday and pisses you off". Lets hope our children join a blogring someday that says instead - Do you have the best dad in the world? Wow, global competition is not only seeping into every industry and workplace but also in the realm of being a good daddy. Its be competitive before its too late call for all of us.

Tip 45: The 4 Minute Rule to start blogging

I read a review of a book read by my HR manager. We have recently set up a bulettin board on the intranet in our company where we share experiences, book reviews or anything interesting. He shared that a book recommended to start doing something just for 4 minutes to assess if you will like doing it more. This 4 minute rule is to help create good habits or help the mind battle the question that the task is impossible. Once we get involved in a task for 4 minutes, our mind begins to see the bigger picture of how this task can be engaged, the fruits of it and how it turns out to be not that difficult after all. How about trying to blog for 4 minutes? Set up an account and blog for 4 minutes. Then, try again the same rule the next day. I am beginning to be more and more convinced that daddies NEED to blog. Why? Because the next generation of kids will ALL be blogging.

I was on facebook and saw an update that one of my contacts just updated his blog. He was a teenage (maybe he still is. time flies and before long, i will be a grand daddy maybe) from my previous church back in Malaysia. So I visited his blog and is impressed by the well captured photos that look very professional. Kids these days have their Nikon, Pentax with SLRs, the latest Zoom etc etc. One wonders where they get the $$$ to buy these expensive cameras. Then, I saw his blogroll and there were almost 30 names of other teenagers from church that I knew. (Hey, I have only 1 link on my blogroll! Add me if you are blogging so I can add you too.) Wow, all 30 of them were blogging already. And all of them have professionally taken photographs from their Nikon or Pentax. Now, if 30% of all youths with computers blog today and the blogging frenzy just started 3-5 years ago, how many percentage would be blogging in 13 years time when Haruka, my daughter is a teenager? I would say 100% and they would be using high tech phones, touch pads on their jackets and sunglasses with special sensors to blog and update the world of their observations. We are beginning to extract and share information at a speed no one has guessed possible a century ago. It will not be long before the next Tower of Babel is built if the world does not see another world war in the next 50 years. So start blogging already, daddies. Create a blog at wordpress, blogspot or any other blogging platform. Then, click on my link below to review my blog post and get paid for it by pay per post. You need to create a paypal account and can either use the money for online shopping or transfer the paypal balance to your bank account. Its that easy these days. A decade ago, I was doing a research paper on e-commerce and discussed the doubts consumers have on online shopping. But, as people have accepted the US dollars for decades even when its not hedged against gold, so will people be using e-commerce and blog and have a life on the virtual world. Start for 4 minutes and you will never think you will never finish a task. And if its never finished, you can console yourself that even the tower of babel was left uncompleted. Then, enjoy the rest of the day not on the net to see the beautful flowers in spring.

Tip 44: Get Linked In to be a more connected daddy

The world has changed a lot since industrial revolution and the advent of mass production. Add this to the current trend of globalization and the emerging huge markets such as China and India. If you are reading my blog, it only emphasizes the reality of huge masses out there on the Internet. What then is our response? I used to be judging others who travel frequently on holiday that its all unnecessary to be so international and that we should live a contented life. We still should live a contented life and be thankful always! And I still do not travel too much on holiday but strive to spend more quality time with my family and take a break once a while to a beautiful park nearby till I saved sufficient to enjoy the fruits of my labor. These days besides blogs, there are sites such as http://www.linkedin.com/ that are as popular as facebook which puts you as an address for headhunters and CEOs around the world to view your resume. You may even find a top CEO on this site such as Bill Gates though he may be putting up an old email that he does not check anymore.

I first got introduced to this site when I was doing my MBA in USA. I was eager to search for jobs and begin to add my database by adding recruiters and kind people who would be willing to get connected with me. During my free time, I would even search top management names on the website and google them up to get their emails and write a pleasant introduction so they would consider adding me into their Linked In database. Today, this has added up to 6400 contacts and I am the top Linked In member in Japan. View my profile at http://www.linkedin.com/in/philchlee

To add me just, go to my profile and add me with this email (philchlee@mailcity.com). Has Linked In benefitted me? Yes, I have gotten an email once from a director who was visiting Tokyo and was planning to hire good staff in Tokyo or Hong Kong and we had a breakfast interview at his hotel. Loads of recruiters have access to my resume and sometimes, I get tired getting emails from them. Also I have once set up an introduction for an American firm who wanted to contact a Japanese firm for a joint venture and earned a few dinners. This together with a few other ventures made me believe that international networking can fuel the entrepreneurial spirit inside some of us. I have that lots but it does take time away from our private and spiritual life. As a daddy now, I am beginning to prioritise more and find great fulfilment in doing the things that matter. But do get connected if you must. Its a whole world out there.

(P/s Did not update my profile at Linked In recently. Got a better job but decided to keep it private as it can get irritating when you get cold calls etc. If you know me, I will update you more.)

Tip 43: Babies are lovers of animals

From 3 months onwards, the babies' eyes and ears are ever so sensitive to noise and moving objects. And as their curious eyes get satisfied with moving objects that respond to their smiles and touch of their hands, it drives them to be more and more curious. It goes to a point where even bugs that flies or small tiny moving objects catch their attention. Its therefore good to let babies be exposed to tame animals even from afar. They need not be living with these animals, but frequent access to seeing them would get the babies excited and make their day. They may even be anticipating with excitement in their sweet dreams at night.

We do not have any pets in our small home in Tokyo. However, we live in a nice neighbourhood with lots of cute dogs. Every weekend, when both Tomomi and me go for our weekly lunch dates, we would be able to spot many nice cudly dogs walk by us with their owners. As Haruka is cute, the owners would feel it a priviledge to have Haruka stop by them and see their dogs. If they are in a hurry, it would just be an opportunity to wave goodbye to the dogs with me moving Haruka's hands to wave goodbye and making my signature dog bark to remind Haruka that its a dog that has passed by. But most of the time, these owners have allocated time for their leisurely walk so Haruka would get to watch them for long and if she is in the mood, she would stretch out her hand to touch the dogs. The same goes for the cats in my neighbourhood, though usually they are shy creatures but still Haruka gets to differentiate between a cat and a dog. Its so exciting for her to be more and more attentive to moving objects especially those that would wag their tails and give Haruka a cheerful smile if not a bark of excitement. This opens a new chapter of life to Haruka as she notices that not only daddy and mummy is full of fun. Each day is full of fun to wake up to with many friends to greet her including her toys. Oh yes, sometimes her toys would move too ... since daddy brings them to live.

Tip 42: Hiccup ... hick ... smiles

One way of communicating is always to repeat after the other person since you showed that person that you listened attentively. When Haruka hiccuped, I looked into her eyes and hiccuped too. She smiled. I did it again and she laughed. This is similar to tip 23 of sneezing but here I want to emphasize the need of letting your baby know that you understand him/her and allowing your baby to understand you in return. Before the baby moves further to communicate more with you besides the need to cry, the baby needs to know that he/she is being understood. So far, its just crying that get his/her needs met. Let your baby know that you are an intelligent daddy and your baby can express himself/herself in more ways than just crying!

Eye contact is very important. It helps that Haruka has huge eyes. Whenever I talk to Haruka, I look into her eyes and she looks into mine. I try to understand what would interest her and speak at her level with lots of expressions and change of tone. This ensures I get her full attention, besides letting her admire daddy more and more. ;) Having her attention, I would sing or play with her toys and introduce some new creative ways to play her toys. I would communicate with her toy dog or toy cat and she would understand that communication is important. Sometimes, I would repeat expressions she would be familiar with, to help her with her memory such as barking animal sounds or doing hiccup even when I am fine. And whenever I get opportunities, I would try to gauge how she understands me. She laughed and smiled when I mimicked her hiccuping. So she understood that I understood her. Communication can work 2-3 month old onwards. Start young!

Tip 41: Liabilities a necessity for dad?

Its in the bible that we should owe no man anything and debt is viewed negatively. However, in today's world of money as a collateral, everyone else is owing something to somebody. You buy a coke for $1 dollar and that dollar comes from either your previous day's work or your future day's work. Besides the function of money as a standard of deferred payment, a dad would also need to buy life insurance for himself to secure his income and maybe take out a home mortgage from the bank so he need not pay a monthly rental expense. A life insurance premium we pay every month or every year is a liability that we have committed to for X number of years and so is the monthly home mortgage. So, is debt good? In my opinion, yes if you are sure of not owing anybody anything and work an honest days job to support your family. In fact, a certain amount of liability can be saving the family a lot of money and making dad commit to providing well for the family. This post is a follow up to tip 27 and tip 30 on purchasing properties and investing and covers the liabilities portion that follows such as mortgages and insurance.

When starting my first job after graduation at age 23, I first bought a life insurance for my mum and for myself. I figured that since I was earning the most in my family, I should ensure my income is secured to provide for my mum and dad should something happen to me and I should also buy an insurance for my mum who had no life/medical insurance to ensure any medical bills she would incur in the future would be paid for. And since our family did not had a car, I also later took out a car loan so we can have a leisurely drive to the supermarket instead of carrying goods in a train or a bus. I ensured I had sufficient income every month for savings besides paying off all these loans and since I was staying together with my parents, there were no other substantial expenses. Then when I came to Tokyo to work, I disciplined myself to save my salary substantially. After 2 years, I got married and my savings was huge enough to earn the conservative Japanese bank's trust that I could pay off the loan. I did my figures and calculated that taking a loan mortgage actually brings more savings each month. A monthly rental expense would be around USD1300 and my loan mortgage for 15 years was only around USD900 every month. That allows me to save an extra USD400 every month besides having to own the property I live in. Since the bank loan rate was only 2% (BLR in Japan is the lowest of all developed countries at 0.5%), it was a good liability to own. I negotiated with the bank to have a shorter loan term of only 15 years to save on interest rate cost and asked my company to write a letter to confirm my years of service to them. In Japan, its hard to get the Japanese to trust foreigners and few foreigners who live in Japan less than 5 years can get a home mortgage. Thank God I did and I can surely introduce others in Tokyo who want to be introduced to the Japanese bank officer who is open to lending to foreigners a yen based mortgage. Of course, that officer also considered the fact that I am half Japanese, having married a Japanese who could bridge the communication and mindset gap. My commitments now to such liabilities has made me committed to be a provider to both my new family - Tomomi and Haruka and my parents back in Malaysia. There surely is less freedom to do whatever I want and go backpacking around the world but I am glad to be able to give to the people I love very much. In my opinion, if a daddy would evaluate his future income and if he can afford to pay a loan off and secure that with a life insurance policy should illness deter him from getting earnings to pay off those loans, liabilities can provide a more comfortable life for the family. Of course, one needs to be mindful of taking good care of ones health as thats the most important asset a daddy has from God.