Tip 224: Early anticipation of new baby

I wrote in my first blog entry that a corporate welcome by the family to the baby that enters the world may be necessary animal instinct to define who family is. It is as important to the new baby to know his/her family early, as well as the other members of the family to appreciate the arrival of the new addition. A new addition in the family poses new dynamics sociologically to each member of the family. And that includes the eldest child.

It is best to start creating new pictures of loving bond of the whole family to the eldest child. I start mentioning the baby in some of my conversations with Haruka, even if the baby may arrive later 6 months in the future. I encouraged Haruka to learn to be a responsible and well behaved elder sister whom the younger baby can regard as sensei (teacher in Japanese). Haruka proudly nods and tries her best to impress me for a while and forgets after a while her role to leave a good example.

I encouraged Haruka to sing and to read near mummy’s belly, but she has not gathered enough motivation to do so yet. I would ask Haruka if she likes to play with the baby in the future and what games she likes to play with the baby. As Barney says, "With just a little imagination, you can have lots of fun."

Kids these days learn very quickly. Even children under age 2 years old can understand the concepts of baby. I took Haruka to each of Tomomi’s medical check up and she could see the fetus in the womb on the computer monitor. I now remind Haruka each time not to scream near mummy as the baby has ears inside the womb. Though Haruka never listens, but she understands. I will check with the doctor later, if Haruka can be nearby and be part of the delivery process. I was very much involved in the delivery room during Haruka's birth where it lasted more than 6 hours without epidural, but lots of hubby hand holding.

Daddy wants the best possible outcome. Now, the task of managing children is magnified. This blog now exemplifies a more authentic daddy role. Just managing one child as previously, may allow for more idealistic aspirations and little down to earth parenting.

With God’s enabling, I pray that I will be a just and loving daddy. May I learn a few tips from my Father in Heaven to share with all of you.

(Photos show Haruka at two separate medical check ups when I managed to sneak a camera shot. Also, Haruka enjoying herself when she was at Ishigaki, Okinawa in August).

Tip 223: Trust and not Judge

All of us have our preconceived judgments on people, places and things. We sometimes hold on too tightly on the wisdom that life has taught us or the familiarity that lightens our anxiety.

There is truth that a square object would not fit a circular mould. Yet, our judgement is based on a 1 dimensional flat plain of a single time horizon and a particular environment and location. Life can bring lots of beautiful surprises, as our God has a good sense of humour.

Different seasons of life can change a person. New environments can bring the best out of a person and even change them for good permanently. A square ice can certainly not enter a circular mould. But, when the ice melts, it can surely fill any mould. We just need to withhold our judgement and trust in the goodness and beauty of a person. The perfect timing of God has much in store for good to happen when it is hoped for.

I used to have preconceived ideas about the different countries I will work at, even before I step foot on them. For instance, I had thought Tokyo was a dense, crowded and polluted city. My 4 years living there have changed my impression totally. I think Tokyo is an extraordinarily beautiful place which does not feel crowded at all if you know where to hang out. Based on that decision, I even bought a small apartment in the very center of Tokyo which is being rented out now.

I have also heard lots of exciting things about Hong Kong being a nice place to work in. I later found that it can be a gloomy place when the sun cannot penetrate the thick smog and the tall skyscrapers filling the skyline. It can get disorganized in some places when quick aggressive citizens push around in crowded areas and speak loudly and rudely, though this observation came from my wife and I have learnt to see it through her eyes.

This impression left me thinking that all of China is the same, yet I saw the most beautiful blue skies in Beijing when I was there for a week and was wondering where was all the pollution that I was expecting to see. There were lots of green in the large parks and lakes. Now that I am in Singapore, I have thought Singapore was a very orderly and law abiding city, yet there seem to be lots of necessary improvement before it can manage an ever increasing foreign population. Through all these experiences, I have learnt to be less quick to judge, but to maintain an open mind to marvel at what life can present to me.

Yet, what does it mean to trust? To trust is not to have any worries or fear, but patiently, lovingly and joyfully hold on to goodness and whatever God has in store for us.

To judge on the other hand is to rely on our wisdom and experience to decide on right or wrong and not let go of our feelings of shame, guilt, jealousy, fear, anger, unhappiness and doubt when making such judgements. It is never easy to hold on to a piece of square ice and wait for it to melt to fill the circular mould. Yet, if we insist of pushing the square ice into the mould, there will be lots of friction and pain. We may pray that God brings out the sun to melt the ice sooner, rather than later so the waiting can be shorter, yet it is His decision. We can only wait and why not spent it joyfully.

(Photos show the latest attraction in Singapore, Marina Bay Sands Skypark where I won a one night stay. The skyline of Singapore near the bay area is catching up with Hong Kong, and the view at the top is arguably better with clearer skies. Tomomi is in her 5th month pregnancy and Haruka is enjoying swimming and is not scared of heights, but probably annoyed by the Paparazzi).

Tip 222: Living in moderation

We had a dinner at a local food coffeeshop in Singapore. Not a posh restaurant with champagne glasses. Or nice table clothes and silver utensils. Also, it was not air-conditioned. I asked Haruka if she would like to go there again and she said no.

I asked Haruka why would you not want to go there again since the food is good? She said there is no air-cond. Initially, before we sat down, Haruka did not want to settle for this coffeeshop. I had to quickly react by saying I will be ordering juice ... when I asked the coffeeshop, they had lime juice, so I managed to get Haruka seated. Do young children already know how to value ambience and the concepts of quality?

A tip to save money is to start to instill a life of moderation in the child while young, so the child will not need to only have meals in restaurants with Michelin stars. Soon, she will not have the same smile as she had at this photo at the hawker centre with ventilating fans and no air-conditioning.

Beyond saving money is dad's role in instilling in the child the ability to adapt to different places. It is also the need to instill humility and a sense of contentment in any and every situation. Paul said in the bible, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength".

(Photos show an Easter brunch at Checkers Brasserie, Hilton Singapore complete with Easter bunny, hit the pinata donkey for candies to drop, kids play area where mummy and daddy can enjoy a glass of champagne in peace. Also showing Haruka at Sentosa Island).

Tip 221: Game of Snake and Ladder

Beyond the age of 2 years old, the kid begins to like to be involved in meaningful work or activities that allow learning. If daddy merely accompanies her to watch TV or chases and catches her for a round of ticklish play, she will find it boring after a while. When she begins to be able to count, she will find a game of snake and ladder a competitive time well spent with daddy. Since daddy plays it well with her, it is the only thing she yearns to do together with daddy. If daddy would be kissing her with an unshaven face, she would be running away from me sometimes. Daddy is not so in demand around the house. But, at least there is something that I am good at. :)

Although the child will only fully appreciate the game maybe at age 3-5 years old when he or she can count well and on her own, kids these days learn very fast. I introduced Haruka the game of snake and ladder even when she was just 2 years old. I just played a simple version of it, minus the snakes and ladders so as not to confuse her. We had a good time and she has been asking for more.

At age 2 years old, Haruka cannot count accurately. She can utter 1 to 10 accurately, but sometimes she becomes impatient to identify the objects and count them one by one, though she is getting better as we play the game. Initially, she cannot identify the number of dots and markings on the dice as it takes a careful eye to count the tiny dots. Now, she has mastered it. Then, when we start counting the steps on the boardgame, she does not move on the right boxes. She just counts and jumps the characters around and not on progressive steps on the boardgame. Yet, I noticed Haruka is trying to watch and learn how I am playing it correctly and is still trying to learn this. This is certainly a good lesson in counting and understanding the rules of a simple game. After a few more rounds of playing, when daddy finds the time to sit back and relax at home and play with his little princess, I will introduce the concepts of snakes and ladders in the game. When I am busy, I tend to just want to take the short cut of spending time with my daughter by just running to her and hugging her. She detests that now. The key is spending time with an activity that she enjoys and finds daddy most proficient in.

(Photos show Haruka immersed in the game by counting the marks on the dice and a fine day at Jurong bird park where I managed to persuade Haruka to impersonate a pig for a photo taking contest).