Tip 203: Understanding phobia, then reassure

One evening, while walking along a slippery floor beside the swimming pool, Haruka fell with the back of her head hitting the floor. She cried and later I was able to distract her. It was not very painful, but she learnt her lesson. The next day onwards, whenever we went out in the evening, Haruka wanted me to carry her instead of walking by herself. I kept coaxing her to walk by herself, but she kept crying asking me to carry her. It did not matter if it was in a bright shopping complex or out in the streets, she wanted me to carry her. I thought she was being spoiled and cranky. I left her crying, pretended to walk away, but she would not want to walk and I had to carry her.

Another evening, while walking by the same spot where she fell, I noticed she was very insistent for me to carry her. My hands happen to be full, so I gave the excuse that I could not carry her. She cried. I reassured her that if she walked slowly, she would not fall. She thought she had no choice, so she did try to walk slowly and later I carried her after a while. The next evening, she again cried and wanted me to carry her when we were walking at the spot she fell. Then, I reassured her and reasoned to her that it will be fine if she walked slowly. I reminded her that she did well last evening. Haruka uttered to herself that she needs to walk slowly. I praised her that she did well and there is nothing to fear. She did not cry anymore and was her fun self when she walked away from that spot.
















This episode taught me that phobias can easily develop through any of our life events. Yet, at those crucial moments, someone need to be there to reassure us. We may need to make baby steps slowly and someone needs to be patient with us. Yet, it helps to have someone encourage us that we are making progress. We begin to turn our attention away from the fear, but to be realizing that it is not so difficult after all. We begin to build our self esteem that we can do it and we can be proud of ourselves for overcoming the fear. It helps to have someone praise us for our efforts. That someone can be Daddy. I feel good that I can be there for my child to avoid a phobia from developing.

(Photos show Haruka at the Singapore Zoo).

Tip 202: Learn swimming at an early age

Haruka had her first swim in Singapore. We are excited for her. She adapted to the swimming pool easily. Children below 5 years old or even younger have higher propensity to swim and have little fear of deep waters (especially when using a float). In fact, I know of parents who send their babies swimming below 1 year old and the kids grow up enjoying swimming. The key to swimming is having the parents instill courage and play while swimming. I noticed Haruka learnt swimming by watching the kids swim. It takes too much effort for Haruka to listen to what I say on the need to kick her legs and to not worry too much about swallowing water. She listened a few of my instructions, then as she saw the other friendly kids in the pool swim, she followed. She played with them and she learnt.













Fear is the single issue that causes a barrier in learning and living. This explains why young toddlers can learn so fast, while older children would be worried if they would perform well enough or have developed fears from watching televisions or through their judgement of the situation. I learnt swimming pretty late. I remembered that I would worry if I am swimming the right way and worry if I can do it well like the rest of the people in the pool. After a few dips in the water, my judgement of the dangers of the water would sometimes overwhelm me to discourage me from taking bolder steps to swim at the deeper end. This reduced the learning phase to explore and to enjoy swimming. I could swim now but felt I could have done much better if I had exposed myself to the joy of swimming much earlier.













It is a blessing that countries near to the equator like Malaysia and Singapore have warm weather all year round which opens more opportunity for swimming. Also, land are larger with many condominiums with swimming pools. Its a luxury Haruka did not had when living in Tokyo, London or Hong Kong. She would be able to swim for 1 month in the current service apartment provided by my company, but would have to wait another 1 year before I decide to purchase a condo in Singapore as our next apartment does not have so many facilities. Nevertheless, we are glad Haruka still felt comfortable swimming now eventhough we did not start her earlier. If she ever had a phobia to advance her skills later, she can always view this blogpost to remind her that she can do it.

(Photos show Haruka at the Fraser Place swimming pool where we stayed for our first month in Singapore when we just touched down).

Tip 201: Leverage on many agents

I have arrived at Uniquely Singapore and within 1 week, I thank God that I have found an apartment that I like at the best possible deal. Company provided a 1 month service apartment upon arrival, but even before arrival, I lined up appointments with a few real estate agents. After viewing more than 10 apartments within a long holiday weekend, I found the best that meets my wife's expectations and with a price that is competitive. We will be staying there for the next 1-2 years before I buy my 2nd property, if Singapore fits us and if the price is right.




Some would say that it is best to concentrate efforts and time with just 1 agent. If the agent does not deliver, then change the agent. I do not subscribe to this view. I believe that today's economy is built upon competition and mass production to deliver in good speed. It seems impersonal, but to achieve the best results, we need to work like a machine, mass produce our request and leverage as many agents to provide us with different options to our request. Then, choose the best.












Its probably not easy to be driven when you are with family. Of course, I need to ensure my family is coping well with the move, more than just getting good results. Though, after we have mastered the process, it would not be as stressful. It would seem like a breeze. If it's stressful to the other partner, then the one that feels comfortable with such methodology should do more of the work. Then, both taste the good results. Similarly, the new generation has mastered the Internet, Facebooking and even Twittering. To some, its stressful and too overwhelming to be doing so much and connecting with so many people at any one time. Its a matter of getting used to it. Its a matter of understanding that this is the age of leveraging, mass production and getting results in good speed. If we can't do it, then leverage on someone who can and work together with that person. Of course, we need not be always getting the best deal if we can learn contentment and just go at a pace we are comfortable with. Be joyful and happy always and know that God provide for all our needs.













(Photos show Haruka enjoying our 1 month service apartment at Fraser Place, Robertson Walk Singapore near to Clarke Quay MRT).

Tip 200: Getting feedback from blog readers

Yippee, my 200th blog posts. As I review my blogging activity, I find it fulfilling to have spent time reflecting on parenting, thinking about tips and what I have learnt, posting photos of Haruka throughout my travels and most importantly remembering that God is good to me through each and every tip that has been posted. I hope it will be a blessing to my family as well as it has to me to reflect on our love documented here on this blog. As I review, it takes around 9 months to complete 100 tips. At times, I would have more time to blog regularly, while the remaining period is spent on catching up with work and life. The coming months would again see a slowdown in blogging as I accumulate more photos and tips to share.

At my 100th tip, I was a little ambitious for promising a Christmas gift for every reader who participated in the poll to rank the best tips. I ended up not delivering any presents after all. Sorry for the disappointment. This time again, I wish to do a poll to rank tip 100th-199th tip to understand what tips connects to the reader the most. Please do participate and select 1 tip you like. If you like more than 1 tip, feel free to vote more than once. But please only vote once for each tip and not more, eventhough you would want that tip to stand out as a winner. I do actually review my blog traffic and noticed the votes last time round had certain tips voted more than once by a single visitor. Though, I do appreciate the participation.

(Photos show the many scenes of Shinjuku, Roppongi and Tameike Sanno. The purple skies do give me a nostalgic fondness towards Tokyo).

Tip 199: Inspiring words to others

I watched a video on motivation by Dan Pink organized by the TED conference posted on Facebook. The simple message that stays in my mind is to change the world by seeing meaningful purpose in any task and communicate it. It's something I can do best as I invent meaning in all my blog posts. Yet, I realized I have failed miserably in communicating it in the past decade with all the competitive work culture, selfish acquisition of material wealth and fast paced get, get, get. Its so much more harmful being a daddy now. I need to change.












I used to take pleasure in motivating others sincerely. More than a decade ago, I took full interest in people, selflessly having no expectation of returns. I was a class monitor and served in various clubs in school and at church. I see a defining purpose in changing the world. With that, I use words that build others, rather than cage them in a situation where they are liable to meet my expectations. Sincere words spoken with love are more powerful than any material incentive in this world. With those words and the limitless love that God possessed, the universe was created.












It could be that I was in Japan long enough, not being able to express myself fully with words I am comfortable with. But, that surely is an excuse. All our action stems from our will power and our thoughts. I need to make more efforts towards reminding myself that I am now a role model daddy. I need to get my act together as I am constantly being observed by my child. It's just 1 child now and the multiplier effect grows if I fail as a daddy to more than 1 child. The power to change the world lies with me.












I have spoken in great lengths about the various ways to communicate with a baby and a kid. One powerful communication after the child passes 1 year old, is minding every single word we speak to others. The child has open ears to catch every single word, its tone, its sincerity, its power. It could be that at this age onwards, the child's destiny is formed on the path of character building. More importantly, a generous word to motivate and inspire others can do wonders. Where have my power gone to? I need to reclaim it to touch others again. I need to sharpen my eyes to identify meaningful purpose outside me, and to soften my voice to communicate it.












(Photos show the scenes near the Meiji Jingu stadium, Tokyo. Also showing an easy push ball on a string for ball hitting practice.)

Tip 198: Patiently encouraging, not pushing kids development

I was previously grumbling to myself of the weight of carrying Haruka around as she did not want to walk. In a twink of an eye, Haruka now complains that she wants to walk and does not want to be carried.

We have enjoyed our walking sessions together as we could communicate easily due to the proximity of our heads when I lift Haruka close to me. We have a stroller, but I would only use it for longer walking strolls. As I carried her, I have taught her the many names of animals around her and their sounds and actions, to remember other peoples' names, to hum songs and remember tunes and many other communication.

Yet, due to the weight, I was constantly pointing to Haruka of the other babies who would walk next to their parents. I would encourage her to grow up and be a big girl so she could be a Barney girl. At first, I thought this encouragement was going to deaf ears. But it did not. Haruka now enjoys walking and even would increase her speed to walk as fast as us (before she gets tired and takes her nap on daddy's arms). Yet, I am glad that this window of learning was provided to her, while she was yearning to learn from dad. Tomomi told me that she read a book saying that children under 3 years old, absorbs the fastest. Hence, while we do not push our child, being there patiently encouraging can make a big difference. The child need not feel alone or afraid to learn. The child is given motivations and visual goals to strive to achieve. All this takes time. Love takes time. Love develops patience in us. When we love sacrificially, these fruits begin to grow in us. God is love and when we love, we develop the virtues of God. As a daddy, we learn to love which changes us as a person to be more like God. Of course, we still have our weaknesses, but love strives us to love more and more.

(Photos show Haruka at a slide on a road made into a narrow playstrip for parents to take their child in the midst of window shopping the latest trends at Harajuku, Tokyo).

Tip 197: Weaning breast milk at 20 months

I blogged previously about the benefits of fostering good mummy-baby relationship through breastfeeding naturally without a breast pump as long as possible. Now, I can share about the realities of breastfeeding for extended periods since Haruka has been breastfed till 20 months old!












Has Haruka benefitted from breastfeeding? Definitely yes. She has never gotten ill except for an occasional running nose, sore throat, cough and mild fever. The number of times she was sick in the course of less than 2 years can be counted with just 2 hands. Never had any vomitting or possetting after a feed as she can digest mummy's milk well. I believe Haruka's quick development to speak and listen attentively is due to the attention she received from her mother, who is full time parenting and adheres to the principles of attachment parenting.












Are there any issues with breastfeeding for such a long period? Daddy would say yes. A mummy would know that when breastfeeding, she gets hungry faster. Sometimes the hormones would affect her to be grumpy and easily irritated as well. Due to the fatigue, she would expect daddy to be more helpful and more considerate. I would be expected to hunt for a good restaurant quickly if we are outside else, mummy would play tantrums. As Tomomi did not want to use a breastpump as she feels it contradicts the purpose of breast feeding, she would have to hurry when she leaves the house for time alone given by daddy. This would be unnecessary stress for her when she feels jealous of the freedom daddy enjoys or if daddy seem to be not sensitive to her needs. Being away from family doesn't help too, else we would have an extra helping hand and friend at home- and that would change for the better soon.












At night, mummy may have little sleep unless she gets used to the constant feeding. As Haruka sleeps next to Tomomi as we all share the same bed, she would treat Tomomi as her pacifier. :) Many parents even in developed countries practice same bedding nowadays as an attachment parenting principle.

When Tomomi decided to wean Haruka, I was overjoyed. Interestingly, the weaning just took 1 day. Haruka already understood the concept of empty or finished and knew that crying over it makes no difference. One day, Tomomi just told Haruka that the milk has finished and for 1 day, reminded Haruka about it. After that, Haruka nods and agrees with us that the milk is "nai nai" (none in Japanese). She drinks fresh cow's milk now on a cup. Though, one setback of breastfeeding is that she is a little skinny compared to those drinking baby formula milk.












(Photos show Kabira Wan at Ishigaki island, Okinawa when we were there on holiday a few months ago. It shows a black pearl farm where pearls are cultured).