Tip 244: Seed of love bears fruit

I blogged previously about the slow growth of the bamboo shoot. Often times, we are impatient when it comes to gardening. We expect the plant to appear after just a few days of burying the seed/stalk. Yet, it may take as long as 5 years to see a sprout appearing from the ground.

Same goes for loving others including our family members. The easiest example is my eldest daughter. Initially, it seems she was more attached to mummy. I was wondering why she would not want to hold my hand when we are going out together as a family. Haruka would prefer to hold mummy's hand. It can feel sad when your loving efforts do not receive reciprocal response. But love is patient and is long suffering. Surely, our Father in Heaven also yearns deeply for us to communicate with God regularly considering the many blessings we receive each day.














I continued to put my best efforts in spending quality time with Haruka. I read more often with her. I coached her in her colouring and writing. I played with her whenever I have time. I have even started running with her on a track field with her trailing behind me. Then, she began to respond in love. She would approach me and hold my hand. She would tell me that she loves daddy. She does spend more time with Tomomi and still has stronger attachment. Though, I am not far from building a deep relationship with Haruka. The recipe is constantly sowing seeds of love and waiting patiently and lovingly for the fruits to bear.














(Photos show Sayaka in her 100 day studio photo, a Japanese tradition I followed for Haruka as well. Also photos of East Coast park beach, Singapore).

Tip 243: Faith, Courage, Enthusiasm

"I will win! Because I have Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm!" That's the theme of the movie The Company Men starring Tommy Lee Jones and Ben Affleck, amidst corporate downsizing. The movie captures well the emotions of people affected by the volatile job market. It also explains why this volatility is happening - the need to grow the company rapidly to answer to shareholder's expectation of profits, the desire to own large buildings for reputation's sack and thereby render risk to change course should the business be not as buoyant.

It is sad that company drones work hard for the queen or kings of the corporation, yet risk losing their livelihood as there is lack of sense of loyalty to either parties. Is there then the need to not marry oneself to one's job? Is there a need to educate corporate owners to grow the company organically, instead of by leaps and bounds with disregard to the risk of downsizing? Has corporations in the wake of capitalism forget their core value and function which is to create goods and services for the community, by working with a good team of people that the corporation has chosen to nurture to build their potential for success? Or are companies in the business to create unnecessary ups and downs for the community and families.

Sadly, this is the reality of today's imperfect economic system. In the movie, GTX, a transport company begins to evaluate cutting all its unprofitable divisions, even its core business divisions when it started operations. The CEO salaried at $22 million even laid off his long time employee who together founded the business with him since they have differing views on downsizing. It's a cold message that friendship in the workplace nowadays mean nothing if it impedes profit.

Yet, in the final analysis, there is always a rainbow that awaits the patient. Rough times will come and go. Evil will always be judged. Help is always near to those who wait upon Him in faith, courage and enthusiasm. There is always something to learn from trials.














What matters more is not the forecast of profits or the attainment of success, but whether we have faith in goodness. Success will always come if we build our faith upon the right foundation. How awesome if we can have faith in the potential of people by motivating them to enjoy building a future together as a team. If it does not come, we still gain in learning to be content with the simple things in life such as the smiles of my lovely daughters. Or in the film, the valuable time in playing basketball with a lonely teenager son that yearns for his dad's company and mentoring. Everything happens for a reason and we can wait patiently for the revealing of God's Good Will.














In rough times, courage is the thin string that holds things together. Courage against giants, against ruthless and cold evil, against those who sneer and have lack of faith. Enthusiasm is the light humour that brings us through discouragement. There must be a new day with new blessings. Even if the tap runs dry of water, there is always a wealth of lessons to be learn each day. Light up our eyes so we can eagerly spot opportunities to grow, to love and to win.














I too have my fair share of ups and downs in all my workplaces. Yet, I echo the actor's call that there is nothing to lose if we chant "faith, courage, enthusiasm". We can only lose our job, but we will never lose our spirit. There is always good to those who seek after goodness, despite our failings and weaknesses.

Check out another blog I write: http://lifenewcreation.blogspot.sg/ to find about securing new opportunities for your future.















(Photos show Haruka with my mother in law during our search for a kindergarten where they had mochi making and eating, and family and relatives enjoying Indian lunch buffet at Riverwalk Tandoor, Singapore for SGD13 per person).

Tip 242: Write by handholding

When teaching a child, we debate whether we want to allow the child to discover their own style and preferences, or we should guide them each step of the way. Sometimes, the child learns to be obstinate to refuse learning, or begins to express the desire to be independent. If the child does not learn, is it due to the teaching method of the parent and more effort is needed in encouragement and guiding patiently? Or should we let time decide if the child will learn by his or herself?

























Haruka has been taking an interest in colouring for the past few months. She would show me the colouring she did in Sunday School. It is just plain scribbling all over the place. Then, one day, I decided to explain to her how to colour neatly within the boundaries of the picture. Initially, she would not understand the need to do it. Then, I said the magic word. I said if she coloured beautifully, her teacher would praise her and gave her incentives.


























She began to put more effort to think about her colouring and how to improve. I spent one afternoon colouring with her. I coloured a picture beautifully, and she saw the difference between my work and hers. I coloured the whole page and slowly coloured different objects with the right colours. After a while, she did the same and begin to decide which colour would suit a particular picture. From my guiding initially, Haruka began to make her own decisions and would then insist her colour sense is right. My job is quite finished.















Now and then, when I see her colouring, I still point to her how she can improve. I would show areas where her colouring is not as neat and even. She understands now the concept of colouring and would agree with me. It may take a while before Haruka improves. It may be necessary for me to supervise her more and practice together with her if I want it to be a work of art. But, at least now, she has an idea of how a beautiful colouring can be.















She comes back from kindergarten with a page of homework on weekends. This requires tracing the dots of alphabets. Most children aged 3 years old would still not have a steady hand at writing. Her grip on the pencil would either be too soft or she would not understand the instructions of the homework and follow the correct strokes. Once, she even coloured the page instead of writing the alphabets. I doubt teachers these days would sit down with the child and slowly guide them. The most they would do is to spend 5-10 minutes to provide instructions on how to do it.















Hence, the need for daddy to spend time with Haruka to explain the strokes and hold her hand. I realized that it may take more than one afternoon to ensure she writes the alphabets correctly. But, so far, I have guided her with a few pages of her homework. Singapore education must be very intense and a daddy from church shared that he spends a lot of evenings with her children who are in primary school. I hope I can do my part in the future, but for now, I will just hold her hand while my daughters let me.















(Photos show an afternoon at the Istana in Singapore with my mother in law, on a public holiday where it is opened to the public - though not for golfing).

Tip 241: Create new language opportunities

While watching TV with the family, a thought randomly came to Haruka and as usual, she spoke to both me and Tomomi in Japanese. She proudly announced that she now can speak in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean language. We were curious about how she acquired Korean language. She quickly provided evidence by saying, "Kamsa Hamnida!"














I spoke to Haruka in English, "What is that?" Haruka said, "Arigato!" I asked Haruka, "What is good morning in Kankoku-go?" She replied, "Anyeong Haseyo!" She remembered these phrases many months back when I repeated these phrases to her when we were watching a Korean soap opera program on TV together.














Also whenever we saw a friendly Korean stranger or have an opportunity to speak to a Korean at church, I would encourage Haruka to greet them in the foreign language and depending on her mood, she would comply. In March this year, Haruka just started kindergarten run by a church . We were late in enrolling her as we were initially undecided if we should send her to a Japanese kindergarten. I convinced Tomomi that Haruka would maintain her proficiency in the Japanese language even though she attends a local kindergarten. Initially, Haruka was possibly worried that she will be uncomfortable in an English environment. She told us that she wanted to go to the Japanese kindergarten.














Yet, a few days ago, mummy saw her holding the hand of an Indian girl from her class. Previously, if there was an Indian stranger in a lift, she would turn away and not look at the person. I am so glad that there is so much progress in the way Haruka now embraces diversity.














Every morning, the students greet the teacher, "Zhao An, Lao Se! (Good morning Teacher!). Even though Chinese lessons has not started in Haruka's class, it is easy to learn greetings when all students from different classes greet the teacher together. Possibly this stroked the pride in Haruka that she now masters so many languages.














At 1-2 years old when Haruka was staying 6 months in London during winter/spring, she was watching a lot of English Barney programs. Her English seems to be much more fluent than now and she would speak with everyone else in English and speak with mummy in Japanese. However, just 9 months ago, she started to only speak in Japanese even when she understands the English that I speak to her. If someone speaks to her in English, she will either keep mum or just nod in response to the question. However, Haruka's confidence in other language may take a turn for the better soon. Ego is good. I hope she strives to master various languages if she enjoys doing that.














(Photos show scenes from Marina Bay Sands)

Tip 240: Post 1week birth be watchful

It is truly a miracle to be able to hold a new born baby and watch this new life explore the world. The fragile baby gets stronger bit by bit each day and feels better adapted to the new environment. The baby copes better as she feels the warm embrace of mummy and begin to smile at the goodness of love. Upon birth, the baby can weigh so light and its limbs and fingers so tiny. As previously blogged, I encouraged daddies to hold and carry their baby even if they feel less able than mummy. We, daddies are capable of many things beyond our imagination. Spending that extra time to carry and watch the baby does help mummy as well as give baby the much needed affection needed. Plus, the first week of birth may be the most crucial week of a baby's life as the baby is still learning the ropes of this new earth. The baby has just started learning how to lie on a bed outside the pool of liquid in mummy's womb. The baby is also having her first taste of saliva and fresh air. The baby just started moving her body, neck and back to allow her to inhale and exhale, as well as to adjust to a comfortable position. The baby had her first pain at the hospital during inoculation/ vaccination and has just understood that there is a level of pain and comfort to be experienced. The baby is starting to explore the cool/warm bed and adjust herself to a position that she can sleep well and breath well. The baby also learns quickly on when to cry whenever she wants milk. Yet, in all this new beginnings for the baby, it is but trial and error. There are probabilities of error beyond the baby's knowledge and sometimes even out of the awareness of daddy and mummy. Hence, the need for extra vigilance and attention during the first week of birth.

















I was observing Sayaka while she was lying on the bed on her back when she was around 4 days old, while mummy got out of bed for a while. Sayaka does have regular cravings for milk, so the increased saliva in her mouth. She was also quite active as possibly my constant attention and speaking with her spurs her to be curious of her surroundings. She was beginning to move quite a bit, kicking her legs and moving her neck. Then, as I speak to her, she suddenly got startled. She began to choke on her saliva and her face was turning red. I could see that her whole body was tensed up. She was trying hard to breath, but was unable. She was trying to cry, but was overwhelmed by the choking. Immediately, I carried her and pat her on her back a few times. I was so relieved when I heard her coughing and crying. The patting was akin to light Heimlich Maneuver that I have learnt from my first aid lessons during my school days. She possibly could have overcame it by herself through trial and error and learning to cough harder. I am sure this trial has made her stronger and I am glad that now at 3 months old, she has a very healthy and strong body through her active exploration of her limits. All in all, I am glad that I was around Sayaka during her first choking experience.













In Japan, babies usually stay in the hospital for 1 week after birth as it is paid for by the insurance. In Singapore/Malaysia, many would discharge from the hospital upon 2 days if there is normal and safe delivery. However, keeping constant eye on the baby may be necessary at least for the first week. In fact, attachment parenting principles will suggest sleeping next to your baby instead of in a separate bed.













(Photos show Sayaka at 3 days old, 1 month and 2.5 months old)