Tip 255: Letter to 1 year old Haruka

Dear my darling Haruka,

I still remember the first few seconds of your entry into this world. After papa carried you from the midwife's arms, you stopped crying when you heard papa sing "Happy Birthday to you". Your eyes begin to circle the surroundings. I was not sure if you could actually see as most babies' vision are usually blur. Yet, you actually made an attempt to explore. You may find the tune and voice familiar since papa has been singing the same song, while you were in mama's womb. Or you may notice the difference between being in the womb and being in open air. That moment of seeing you so alert in your first few minutes, gave papa a sign that you are an intelligent, perceptive child, a blessing from God. It made all of papa's hard work and preparation in the past 9 months before your birth worthwhile. It was papa's first time being a daddy and God answered my prayer that you are easy to take care of and is constantly patient to teach papa the meaning of parenting.

It was a pleasure to be home to watch you grow more clever each day. It took away daddy's stress of working in Tokyo. When I spent time to try out new games and nursery rhymes with you even at a young age of under 1 year old, you responded well. You became daddy's new companion and made daddy's sacrifices worthwhile. Daddy enjoyed thinking of new role plays to stimulate your curiosity. Each time it works as you have a deep desire to learn and possess strong observation skills. Whenever daddy has the opportunity to be back home early, daddy enjoyed going out on walks with you at the Japanese neighborhood to watch the birds and other pets. At a young age, you observe quickly the different moving objects and read the environment effectively. This inspired daddy to be a passionate daddy to continue his role to observe your learning and to try out new parenting tips. It is the very reason why this blog was created, which is to reflect on every new discovery I made with you.

Life is so much more meaningful as I watch life at a

closer distance. As I see you grow and blossom in beauty and intelligence, I am full of marvel at how precious life is. I thank God for reminding me this at the beginning of my career and role as a daddy. A wise Japanese colleague advised that I should not miss this opportunity to watch you grow from a young baby into the 1 year old girl you became. Despite my busyness at work, I put priority to remember to watch your growth and spend time playing and communicating with you. It is a precious moment to see how life fragile as it is, grows into a beautiful flower. Every step you made brought excitement to daddy. It is the thought that one day, you will become someone intelligent and important, much more than daddy. I was so impressed at your gift of languages. At a young age, you listened attentively even before age one. Daddy's investment of time in speaking bilingually in both Japanese and English with you paid off. One day, you will master many languages and charm the world with your insights and ability to build bridges with different individuals and cultures. Your acceptance of daddy is a great start in becoming that special person you were meant to be. Continue to demonstrate your perceptive understanding with patience, love abundantly and cherish all the good memories you have. Be thankful and be joyful. When you smile at these memories, your life will shine like a bright star to others. 
Love, Papa.

(Photos show Haruka's 1 year old studio photos. Daddy cutting his first umbilical cord. While daddy has cut the umbilical cords of all his children, it was only in Japan in this midwife's clinic that there were two midwives available. One of them was patient to take off her glove and snap this wonderful photo of you Haruka.)

Tip 254: Letter to 1 year old Sayaka

Dear my darling Sayaka,

It is daddy's life great moments to witness your one year of innocent joyful embrace of life as a baby. You were always brimming with zest right from the start. You enjoyed daddy's early exercises with you as an infant. You looked forward to the burst of energy jumping or springing yourself to new forms of action. Yet, you had always given daddy and mummy the assurance that you knew what you were doing. You never outstretched yourself to unreasonable danger. You would consciously reduce your energy levels at the right time and rest when you had to. Yet, whenever possible, you never failed to leave a cheerful smile. Your generosity to cheer others was an encouragement to daddy. It is your natural instinct to want to display the light that God has put in you. Please never ever hide it as that is the special light of joy.

Daddy was blessed each day to hear your shouts of joy each time daddy was back from a long day's of work. As you begin to learn to crawl and walk, you would even spring towards the door to greet daddy. You express yourself through a natural spring of unquenchable joy.

Oh how, I pray that this reservoir has unlimited capacity and be maintained for the many years to come and not be polluted by life's stress and pain. You give daddy so many generous unreserved hugs that daddy cherish so much. When daddy is busy working, you would come to daddy with your cheerful shout and give a hug to me. I will keep these fond memories forever.

 

Daddy began to notice your keen interest to want daddy to read a book to you. You would make the effort to bring a book to daddy. If you want something, you would not hesitate to point it out to daddy when you have learnt the art of pointing and nodding as daddy first showed you. You felt satisfied when you got to express yourself and someone dear to you understood you.

Right from birth, your eyes twinkled and you waved a sign of peace. I am thankful that you are a gift from God as you were easy to take care of. You had no trouble sleeping or eating. You received whatever given to you with open hands. If you continue this trait of being content and being joyful always, you will be able to seize life with all its glory and explore the beauties that God has in store for you. Please do not give up. Please do not get discouraged. I am very confident you will one day learn to master it at any age and truly be a master of the life God has intended for you.

Love, Papa.

(Photos show Sayaka at her 1 year old photo taking session and birthday at Mozza Pizzeria, Marina Bay Sands).

Tip 249: Learning right/wrong early

It is amazing how innocent a baby is. They smile in their sleep so often. They have no worries or cares. Occasionally, they do of course cry for milk, but they have no concern whatsoever. Yet, I believe this begins to change when they begin to recognize their parents and develop an attachment towards them.

The baby's self identity begins to develop as they understand the concept of self and others, as well as the close family circle who cares for them more lovingly. Their curiosity develops and so will the ability to discern right and wrong. The first sense of right and wrong is when the baby decides what is the right or dangerous position to avoid pain or to enjoy comfort. The baby will try out different positions and learn its surroundings and understand its pain receptors. As they esteem their parents who feed them, they begin to attribute trust if their parents will further teach them how to enjoy more comfort or avoid danger.

The crucial window to teach right and wrong starts when the baby observes you and develops trust. This I believe can happen as early as 4 months old. The baby may not respond to any teaching, but they may remember. Start by teaching a body language for yes or of approval, such as by nodding your head and smile. For negative or undesirable behaviour, shake your head, frown or signal your finger or palm to demonstrate disapproval. Do this whenever you want to encourage or discourage a certain behaviour.

You can try it when the baby cries or when the baby wants to taste a certain food even if the baby seem not to understand. When you start using these body languages early, the baby will have already learnt them. When it comes to the time when the baby crawls, these body languages will be very useful to discourage the baby from going to certain areas. Or when the baby wants milk or food, they could express it to you by herself even if she does not speak yet.

I was pleasantly impressed one day when Sayaka at 6 months old, nods her head when she saw me eating a banana. By being able to express herself, her self esteem improves as she feels happy being able to communicate even without speaking or developing a vocabulary yet other than papa or mama.

She also begins to associate the word No as opposite to Yes, and would stop any undesirable behaviour slowly when I begin to express disapproval. When daddy can communicate with baby, it is the best feeling ever.

(Photos show the girls at a birthday party, scenes from the Singapore Art Museum and Sayaka's first mirror room experience there).

Tip 248: Invisible hand that protects

I am thrilled to be part of 8 months old Sayaka's developments. It is the same too for Haruka. Just that it feels like a new beginning again whenever you are involved in caring for a baby.

There is always so much awe and marvel at how babies challenge their growth boundaries and explore into the next level of learning. This is especially so if you are actively there with your baby and letting go of your fear, but lovingly prompt the baby to explore their potential. Even though the hand is not there holding the baby every step and movement, the hand is always ready. There is also a strong element of faith that the baby will be fine and even do better if daddy lets her explore, while keeping an eye on her. This is exactly how our Father in Heaven watches over us. God has immense love for each of us and never leaves us alone. Yet, many times, we are allowed to test the boundaries when we have developed the necessary resilience to survive hardships and temptations. By not restricting our freedom, we learn on our own our mistakes and understand love and grow stronger.

Same goes for Sayaka. I may be an extremely bold daddy. I would let her sit up on her own even if there is a risk of her falling.

I have watched over her before and knew of her steady ability to balance herself and not fall. I know that even if she falls, it is within a height that is safe for her to incur just some minor pain.

When I am at a public place, others would look with disbelief or worry if the small baby would hurt herself if she falls. Yet, I let her on her own.

It is amazing that by doing so, she is learning so much more quicker. Her bone structure strengthens faster and she develops a firmer posture.

If I had over protected her, she may not have such an opportunity to develop her posture and strength. I wonder if she feels my invisible hand such that I feel His.

(Photos show the girls at the Singapore Botanical Garden and the Singapore Art Museum).

Tip 203: Understanding phobia, then reassure

One evening, while walking along a slippery floor beside the swimming pool, Haruka fell with the back of her head hitting the floor. She cried and later I was able to distract her. It was not very painful, but she learnt her lesson. The next day onwards, whenever we went out in the evening, Haruka wanted me to carry her instead of walking by herself. I kept coaxing her to walk by herself, but she kept crying asking me to carry her. It did not matter if it was in a bright shopping complex or out in the streets, she wanted me to carry her. I thought she was being spoiled and cranky. I left her crying, pretended to walk away, but she would not want to walk and I had to carry her.

Another evening, while walking by the same spot where she fell, I noticed she was very insistent for me to carry her. My hands happen to be full, so I gave the excuse that I could not carry her. She cried. I reassured her that if she walked slowly, she would not fall. She thought she had no choice, so she did try to walk slowly and later I carried her after a while. The next evening, she again cried and wanted me to carry her when we were walking at the spot she fell. Then, I reassured her and reasoned to her that it will be fine if she walked slowly. I reminded her that she did well last evening. Haruka uttered to herself that she needs to walk slowly. I praised her that she did well and there is nothing to fear. She did not cry anymore and was her fun self when she walked away from that spot.
















This episode taught me that phobias can easily develop through any of our life events. Yet, at those crucial moments, someone need to be there to reassure us. We may need to make baby steps slowly and someone needs to be patient with us. Yet, it helps to have someone encourage us that we are making progress. We begin to turn our attention away from the fear, but to be realizing that it is not so difficult after all. We begin to build our self esteem that we can do it and we can be proud of ourselves for overcoming the fear. It helps to have someone praise us for our efforts. That someone can be Daddy. I feel good that I can be there for my child to avoid a phobia from developing.

(Photos show Haruka at the Singapore Zoo).

Tip 202: Learn swimming at an early age

Haruka had her first swim in Singapore. We are excited for her. She adapted to the swimming pool easily. Children below 5 years old or even younger have higher propensity to swim and have little fear of deep waters (especially when using a float). In fact, I know of parents who send their babies swimming below 1 year old and the kids grow up enjoying swimming. The key to swimming is having the parents instill courage and play while swimming. I noticed Haruka learnt swimming by watching the kids swim. It takes too much effort for Haruka to listen to what I say on the need to kick her legs and to not worry too much about swallowing water. She listened a few of my instructions, then as she saw the other friendly kids in the pool swim, she followed. She played with them and she learnt.













Fear is the single issue that causes a barrier in learning and living. This explains why young toddlers can learn so fast, while older children would be worried if they would perform well enough or have developed fears from watching televisions or through their judgement of the situation. I learnt swimming pretty late. I remembered that I would worry if I am swimming the right way and worry if I can do it well like the rest of the people in the pool. After a few dips in the water, my judgement of the dangers of the water would sometimes overwhelm me to discourage me from taking bolder steps to swim at the deeper end. This reduced the learning phase to explore and to enjoy swimming. I could swim now but felt I could have done much better if I had exposed myself to the joy of swimming much earlier.













It is a blessing that countries near to the equator like Malaysia and Singapore have warm weather all year round which opens more opportunity for swimming. Also, land are larger with many condominiums with swimming pools. Its a luxury Haruka did not had when living in Tokyo, London or Hong Kong. She would be able to swim for 1 month in the current service apartment provided by my company, but would have to wait another 1 year before I decide to purchase a condo in Singapore as our next apartment does not have so many facilities. Nevertheless, we are glad Haruka still felt comfortable swimming now eventhough we did not start her earlier. If she ever had a phobia to advance her skills later, she can always view this blogpost to remind her that she can do it.

(Photos show Haruka at the Fraser Place swimming pool where we stayed for our first month in Singapore when we just touched down).

Tip 199: Inspiring words to others

I watched a video on motivation by Dan Pink organized by the TED conference posted on Facebook. The simple message that stays in my mind is to change the world by seeing meaningful purpose in any task and communicate it. It's something I can do best as I invent meaning in all my blog posts. Yet, I realized I have failed miserably in communicating it in the past decade with all the competitive work culture, selfish acquisition of material wealth and fast paced get, get, get. Its so much more harmful being a daddy now. I need to change.












I used to take pleasure in motivating others sincerely. More than a decade ago, I took full interest in people, selflessly having no expectation of returns. I was a class monitor and served in various clubs in school and at church. I see a defining purpose in changing the world. With that, I use words that build others, rather than cage them in a situation where they are liable to meet my expectations. Sincere words spoken with love are more powerful than any material incentive in this world. With those words and the limitless love that God possessed, the universe was created.












It could be that I was in Japan long enough, not being able to express myself fully with words I am comfortable with. But, that surely is an excuse. All our action stems from our will power and our thoughts. I need to make more efforts towards reminding myself that I am now a role model daddy. I need to get my act together as I am constantly being observed by my child. It's just 1 child now and the multiplier effect grows if I fail as a daddy to more than 1 child. The power to change the world lies with me.












I have spoken in great lengths about the various ways to communicate with a baby and a kid. One powerful communication after the child passes 1 year old, is minding every single word we speak to others. The child has open ears to catch every single word, its tone, its sincerity, its power. It could be that at this age onwards, the child's destiny is formed on the path of character building. More importantly, a generous word to motivate and inspire others can do wonders. Where have my power gone to? I need to reclaim it to touch others again. I need to sharpen my eyes to identify meaningful purpose outside me, and to soften my voice to communicate it.












(Photos show the scenes near the Meiji Jingu stadium, Tokyo. Also showing an easy push ball on a string for ball hitting practice.)