Tip 250: Running with your child

Most of us assume that kids love to play and run around. Yes they do. But, these days, they may not push their physical boundaries more than they could, considering the comfortable home they live in and the many attractive toys available at home. If we do not keep an eye on their physical fitness or provide motivations to enjoy the outdoors, they may begin to develop the habit of being less athletic or even be a couch potato.

We certainly can't expect all kids to be athletic. Part of it is in their genes. Another in their personality preferences. Yet, in today's modern lifestyle, are kids spending more time at home than in the outdoors? Do they find it too hot out in the sun or too tiring when it involves a little bit of running?

I was practising for a run and thought I would invite Haruka along at an enclosed field that is safe. While I outran her as I was keeping time, I kept watching her. It turned out quite productive. She did try her best to run fast and for quite a long distance which she usually wouldn't. When she was walking while taking a rest, she would observe the flowers around the field. She ran twice around the field, covering at least 1km in 30 minutes. I am proud of my 3 years old daughter as she joined me in my run a few times. She isn't too athletic by nature, but these activities together with dad can boost her esteem and keep her active.

(Photos show the girls at the Henderson Waves bridge that connect 2 parks making it an enjoyable nature trail, at the Jewel Box Mount Faber and me at the Osim 2011 Triathlon at Singapore).

Tip 247: Playing in multiracial playground

I blogged about how this world is intrinsically global. It was created to be a global world, then through disobedience and pride of man, God allowed discord through the desire to create different languages during the era of the Tower of Babel. Yet, through education and experiences of cooperation between cultures and nations, we are moving towards overcoming hurdles that set us apart. Similarly, daddies ought to encourage their children to develop a sense of acceptance of other races even at a young age.














It can be amusing to watch on TV or listen to the conversations of foreigners who speak different languages. Yet, it is a different reality altogether to live and play together with a foreign person of a different skin color who speaks a foreign language. The more exposure, the more understanding of the differences between each other. Then, the child learns to accept or reconcile any wrong perceptions held earlier.














I blogged previously about being careful with our body language when we meet a person of a different race. We just need to frown or be startled and our little children will sense that vibe in us. Before long, they would also internalize the same body language and inhibitions when meeting people of different color and languages. We often do not blame ourselves for this subtle habits, but it actually sow seeds of discord.














I was at a new playground and Haruka was eager to check out the new slides. An Indian mother was close to me and felt uneasy if a young father like me might feel uneasy with her presence. I smiled and invited her to sit next to me in case she wanted to. Later, as her Indian children played, Haruka smiled at them and watched from a distance. Then, she approached nearer and began to play ball with the Indian children. These were strangers from another housing neighbourhood, yet Haruka has possibly gotten the silent encouragement from daddy to be friendly and enjoy the moment.














(Photos show Sayaka at 5 months old and 2 weeks old when my mum visited).

Tip 246: How much attention is enough?

The older generation used to say that giving too much attention to a baby spoils the child. The older generation had less time for their children as they had more children in the family and more manual tasks to do each day to be constantly bothered about giving attention to their children. Yet, children's development in this generation have accelerated and their intelligence increasing due to enhanced motivation and availability of learning aids at a young age. Should we then make a conscious effort to start our babies earlier than usual in their learning? More importantly, should we be giving attention even when the child is yet to learn?














I was spending some time with 4 month old Sayaka by smiling and making funny faces at her. She would smile or giggle whenever she sees me. Due to the constant attention she enjoys receiving, she is alert and constantly scans around to look for company. She is able to turn her head around with her strong neck (due to my rough handling of her in her young age, but she does has a strong bone structure as well). Plus, she now rolls over on her chest and kicks the surface to maneuver around in different directions. I thought of trying out the song and tickle routine of round and round the garden. To my amazement, she giggled when I tickled her. She also anticipated the tickling after I tried the routine a few times. I checked my previous blog entry and realized I only started doing this to Haruka at 6 months old, while the children's guidebook recommends introducing this after age 1 year old. Sayaka does make noise and cry when she does not sense anyone around her. Sometimes, I leave her alone and after a while, she sleeps while sucking her thumb. A baby does crave for attention when it is given to her. Yet she needs to learn how to amuse herself or be contented with looking around her surroundings. I believe there is a time for everything and we need to expose the child to different situations. Constant attention may need to be reduced when the child is beginning to be too demanding. Like the Central Bank who needs to constantly adjust interest rates based on the economic situation of the country, a daddy needs to adjust between excessive attention and just the right amount of motivation to stir curiosity in the child. If the Central Bank increases the interest rates by too large a quantum or too frequently than necessary, the market overheats. Hence daddy needs to be constantly present to assess the situation to ensure a well balanced and sustainable child. Intelligence and talent isn't everything.














(Photos show Sayaka at 4 months old).

Tip 238: Quality vs quantity time

Parenting is not easy in this postmodern educated world. A parent is judged more severely by their kids. It is amazing that kids grow up much faster these days and even at age 2-3, kids would put value on what type of attributes that they like in a parent.

How much time you spent with your kid matters less than what activities you engage with them and whether you make them happy. This is especially difficult for dads who will be spending less time with the kids compared to mum. For my case, since Tomomi is a stay at home mum, there is a stark difference in time loss in relationship building between daddy and kids. The less time spent means kids has less need for dad than mum.

At a young age, kids watch TV and have an ideal vision of how happy families ought to be. Sometimes, they do not see the big picture of other essential parenting attributes such as need for discipline, tolerance and forgiveness. Kids these days due to better education at a young age, is capable of listening to conversations between parents yet they may not have the maturity to understand underlying conflicts well. All this puts bias on how they view a certain parent and the value they place in spending time with the parent. Hence, it puts pressure on daddy to work harder to be more careful with my words and prepare intelligent and fun activities with my daughters.

Sometimes, when you are back from work, you just want to relax on the couch and watch TV or read newspapers. Yes, you would also like to chase your kids and hug them. But, growing kids would yearn for more mind stimulating activities which require a little bit more effort, concentration and dedication. After a while they detest hugs and tickles. Yet, if you put a little effort with the activities, they may still be glad to come back to you.

Kids watch advanced and highly educated TV programs nowadays. Science experiments, craft work and games. All this requires preparation time. Other possible activities include colouring and painting with the kid, putting effort to do creative story telling, playing a board game together or taking the kid outdoors for cycling.

It is possible that Haruka at age 3 years yearns more for such activities as she has not gone to kindergarten yet. But, what happens later when she comes back tired from school and does not yearn for daddy attention. Maybe I am just being sensitive and dependant on my kid’s affection. Should I just go back to my newspapers and give the kids the space they need? It is not easy to be a daddy as the role is not as clear cut and you never know the right amount of dedication that is needed. When that’s resolved, quality time keeps taking on new meaning in today’s modern world.

(Photos show Haruka and family in Johor for our Japanese church retreat in 2010).

Tip 221: Game of Snake and Ladder

Beyond the age of 2 years old, the kid begins to like to be involved in meaningful work or activities that allow learning. If daddy merely accompanies her to watch TV or chases and catches her for a round of ticklish play, she will find it boring after a while. When she begins to be able to count, she will find a game of snake and ladder a competitive time well spent with daddy. Since daddy plays it well with her, it is the only thing she yearns to do together with daddy. If daddy would be kissing her with an unshaven face, she would be running away from me sometimes. Daddy is not so in demand around the house. But, at least there is something that I am good at. :)

Although the child will only fully appreciate the game maybe at age 3-5 years old when he or she can count well and on her own, kids these days learn very fast. I introduced Haruka the game of snake and ladder even when she was just 2 years old. I just played a simple version of it, minus the snakes and ladders so as not to confuse her. We had a good time and she has been asking for more.

At age 2 years old, Haruka cannot count accurately. She can utter 1 to 10 accurately, but sometimes she becomes impatient to identify the objects and count them one by one, though she is getting better as we play the game. Initially, she cannot identify the number of dots and markings on the dice as it takes a careful eye to count the tiny dots. Now, she has mastered it. Then, when we start counting the steps on the boardgame, she does not move on the right boxes. She just counts and jumps the characters around and not on progressive steps on the boardgame. Yet, I noticed Haruka is trying to watch and learn how I am playing it correctly and is still trying to learn this. This is certainly a good lesson in counting and understanding the rules of a simple game. After a few more rounds of playing, when daddy finds the time to sit back and relax at home and play with his little princess, I will introduce the concepts of snakes and ladders in the game. When I am busy, I tend to just want to take the short cut of spending time with my daughter by just running to her and hugging her. She detests that now. The key is spending time with an activity that she enjoys and finds daddy most proficient in.

(Photos show Haruka immersed in the game by counting the marks on the dice and a fine day at Jurong bird park where I managed to persuade Haruka to impersonate a pig for a photo taking contest).

Tip 217: Know who the Best Friend is

Haruka has a new best friend. It is no longer Barney. Though, she would still enjoy a Barney & Friends program if it is on TV. Haruka's new best friend is Agumon. It is amazing how kids at just 2 years old can develop a sense of liking towards a particular TV character and have the interest to learn about such a character. Parents who know their kid's new best friend can understand better what motivates their kid and drive them to learn and play.














Agumon is a character from the Japanese TV cartoon/manga Digimon. There are possibly quite a few reasons why Haruka loves Agumon. Since age 2 years old, Haruka has decided her favorite colour is yellow. I have once asked her why she likes yellow, and she just tells me it is a beautiful colour. A baby may like a certain colour based on their experience of finding food of such a colour tasty or toys with such a colour a pleasure to play with.














Other reasons why Agumon is liked could be because of it being brave, relaxed and funny. Agumon possesses strength, yet does not seem to be too violent, ugly or threatening. At an age where Haruka is beginning to want to be independent, she looks up to such characters where boldness is matched with likeability.














Such knowledge always help dad to motivate the child towards accomplishing values and habits that are admirable. By learning more about the character, daddy can identify values of such a character and encourage the child to emulate those noble values.














Also, daddy can provide incentives for the child to be performing good habits such as finishing her meal or picking up her toys after play with a Digimon TV allowance or a trip to watch Digimon for free at a shopping mall.















Such motivation can be costly though. Being a thoughtful dad that I am, I thought it would be convenient to do my groceries at the shopping mall that provided gifts of Digimon water bottles. Then, I got myself in a sticky situation where the Agumon water bottle was out of stock and Haruka saw the promotion of the different types of water bottle available and yet she could not have the one with her best friend on it.














(Photos show Haruka at City Square Mall, Farrer Park to watch Digimon perform).

Tip 213: Regular exercises at playground

Like adults, babies and kids need to exercise. We assume our kids are usually active and running around when we are not with them. We assume they have full of energy and is so youthful like we were when we were much younger. Yet, kids these days may prefer to watch the TV, watch youtube on the Internet on our computers, draw and write, read their books or simply play their toys at the comfort of the home. Even if they go to kindergarten or play school or to the babysitters, there is no guarantee that they are interested to run around and play. They may prefer to sit at the side and watch others run under the sun or simply stay indoors. It may seem unnecessary to be in control of our child's activities all the time. We assume they will develop an interest later for activities that most kids their age will enjoy. Yes, they would. But, it is also necessary for parents to keep a close eye on their kids physical and athletic
development. There is a role for parents to motivate their kids and expose them to the different types of play and exercises. Probably, boys may develop their own sense of play and exercises better than girls. Hence, a dad needs to show his daughter how to climb and how best to utilize the different facilities at the playground. For instance, when Haruka was playing at the slide, I just needed to suggest to her that she can put her hands on the railingand swing. She tried it out and enjoyed it. Sometimes, some of the facilities requires climbing and Haruka is unsure if she can do it. She is unsure of how to step certain climbing railings. I guide her legs and hands when I encourage her to climb. I stand behind her to catch her if she loses a grip. Or I do it in front of Haruka like a big daddy monkey and gives Haruka a glimpse of how it can be done. It is up to her if she takes up my challenge to do it. Else, I will wait for her to gather enough courage to do it at her next play time. What if daddy was not there? I think it will be less motivating and less supportive for Haruka to do her own exercises. Our presence do make a difference. Some kids may be more independent and creative than others. Some kids may depend on our presence to guide them to make the most of the facilities, toys and books around them to learn and maximize their full potential.

(Photos show Haruka at her first hand swing exercise at 2 years old with daddy clapping at the background)

Tip 209: A vision of achievements

At 2 years old, Haruka is growing up well. She has interest to learn and has the attention span to concentrate on minor lessons. I am sure part of it is due to her intelligence and ability to observe and grasp new lessons. Another part is due to her dad providing her a vision of her achievements. When kids play, they begin to learn how to play, understand the objectives of play, derive satisfaction from it, imagine role play and envision different outcomes from the play time. The child observes daddy, mummy and others close to their heart and want to be as clever and as strong as them. They believe that by reading picture books or by playing toys, they not only amuse themselves, but also learn to be like daddy or mummy. They begin to develop a vision or ambition to achieve something more each day.



















A child learns through play. But it is through communication with others during play that the child learns better what to expect out of play. For instance, a child may have learnt how to combine lego blocks together to form a larger block. But unless the child is exposed to the different designs and construction possible, the child may be limited in his/her vision to see what the possibilities are. It is not about pampering the child with too much time spent together. At some point in time, the child needs to learn to play alone, learn independence and to think on his/her own. Yet, just 5-10 minutes during each play, it can be worthwhile to point the child in the right direction. To provide a vision of possible achievements, to communicate ambitions and examples of good values and admirable deeds. These are powerful images that would assist the child to dream and to imagine. Then, the child will learn how to create such visions on their own. I would for instance build a new lego design and structure at the beginning of Haruka's play and create a story behind this design and structure. If I have the time, I would point to Haruka the new type of design I tried, so she could review such new design concepts. After a while, she prefers to play on her own and feels daddy is imposing his designs on her. Then, it may take just daddy's presence to play by her side to praise her for her new creations and suggest to her what she can do to make the lego structure more interesting without doing it for her. The vision is painted and it is fun to admire it together and creatively consider the different possibilities.



















I do the same when encouraging good behavior in Haruka. I create a vision that Haruka will be praised by her teacher and students at Sunday School. I remind her of how it felt when she stood on the stage in front of the church and recognized as a member of Sunday School with applause from everyone. I praised her on how well she smiled when she stood on the stage and she should increase her good deeds and well manners, so that she will have that pleasure again on stage. When she was younger and could not envision such grander ambitions, I would just point her to a fun role of being a Barney girl. I am sure all this impacts her creative thinking .

(Photos show Haruka at Singapore Botanic Garden, the only botanic garden with many awards that opens the longest hours, yet not charge any admission fee.