Tip 196: Inculcating love of all races to kids

After reading an article in a Malaysian newspaper entitled "Let's stamp out racism", I got inspired to be more attentive to any racist body language or careless remarks I may have. Kids after age 1 year are so attentive to every word or body language we project. If we project an image of love, they would follow it. If we constantly get angry, look down on others, they will also emulate us. Yet, we subconsciously have many strong views on racism, either through indoctrination during family upbringing, views shared by teachers at schools or simply unfair personal struggles we face. We need to learn to let go of these views, at least for the sake of our children. We need to trust in the goodness of others and in God that love always triumphs. What better way to heal from within by wanting to see love blossom in our children. Let them play with children of other races. Encourage them to embrace and accept the difference. Often, we learn by preaching to others.

Racism is everywhere these days as globalization spreads its canopy. Haruka was talking to herself excitedly at a train station after seeing dolphins. A Japanese mother and child next to us could hear some English vocabulary mixed with Japanese uttered, eventhough Haruka does not look like a foreigner. After a while, the mother took her child away for fear of a bad influence maybe. Another instance was when I was asking for direction in Japanese language from a Japanese mother, and after I left, I heard her son asked her mother if I was a foreigner. I did not hear her mother's response, but this is a good example of how we can positively or negatively inculcate racism or love for all races. Our body language tells all. If we frown at another race, the child already knows the content of our heart and no words are necessary. Or we can smile excitedly and say that its a pleasure to have foreigners here and it must be interesting to know which country he is from. In the case of a country with multiculturalism, we can always make remarks that we are blessed with so many different cultures. Smile genuinely to other races. Encourage our children to mix with other races unreservedly. If we are ready, join families of other races in meals. Its not easy. We may still be harbouring strong views that we are eager to voice out. We want to say that it's unfair. We want to see change. We think the only way is voicing out loud to drown the other voice. Nope, the better way is to let go and love. And we can do it with the help of our eager innocent children who can love others genuinely.

(Photos show Haruka posing with status of Anpanman, Doraemon and (anyone can help me with the next character?) outside the Bandai Namco office at Asakusa, Tokyo. To Haruka, different races are no different to the different cartoon characters that make life more colourful.)

Tip 195:Scanning and filing of documents

As a parent, we begin to accumulate so many documents of our children, our work, our previous educations, our home records, mortgages etc. The test of management of such documents is when you move to a new place and frequently pack, repack and register at different countries.

That is where it is so important to file them well. Whenever free, do a back up copy by scanning each and every document so you can easily reproduce them quickly even if the originals are lost or hidden somewhere with the other documents.

I first learnt this lesson when I was applying for my MBA scholarship. I had to prepare all my academic certificates and transcripts. Then, I need to even provide student identification numbers for each university attended. That was a challenge. Though, a greater challenge was providing my immunization history record which my parents have misplaced or thrown away.

Fortunately, a doctor friend of mine in Malaysia was willing to write a letter to acknowledge the type of immunizations conducted by government schools. That satisfied the strict requirements of the island state of Hawaii which sees many diseases as threat. During the 1850s, measles killed a fifth of the island's population.

By proactively filing and keeping a soft copy of documents, it also helps to remember what your assets are. It allows you to use them to your advantage quickly when requested. Opportunities slip by quickly. Sometimes you may even need them as a defense. Else, it would just provide a sane mind to daddy to know that he need not worry that the documents are all within quick reach.

(Photos show red bridges at Hotel New Otani, Tokyo 400 years old garden).

Tip 194: To cherish or to dispose/demolish/retrench/divorce

I was cycling past a familiar landmark. It was previously the site of Citibank Shinjuku Minamiguchi along Koshukaido main road. But it has been demolished and a new building is under construction. It seems only yesterday that I was stepping into this bank to apply for my first Japanese credit card. It does not seem like a strong attachment, yet it feels like something is amiss in a familiar picture of my life. Would all this discontinuity in memories feed our values that it is alright to throw the old and bring in the new? Is society making decisions on what can be done faster, rather than taking time to mend the old, hold on to sentimental feelings and cherish the past? Does this explain more common practices of disposal vs. repair, demolishment vs. refurbishment, retrenchment vs. retraining, divorce vs. patience?












A scene in a Chinese movie The Road Home stays in my mind. The broken pieces of a bowl was not discarded, but was nailed together painstakingly and with care to form a bowl that can be used again. It is because the bowl represents memories. Memories of using it together with loved ones. Memories of having someone create it out of love and present it as a gift. Do we cherish such memories? How do we teach our children to cherish such memories? In the bible, God emphasizes the need to remember events in life. As we humans have limited memories, its good to learn to cherish them more, since we would later see the bigger picture and be appreciative of that which has past and learn from it.












Should we learn to treat objects with more respect and give them away rather than throw them into the garbage? Use internet groups to find people who would want items that can be reused if they are in fairly good condition. Another good practice that I see my wife doing (which I have yet to practice myself) is to wrap items nicely such as paper or plastic wrappers of chopsticks that we plan to dispose of before throwing them away. Would this lead to cherishing the old more? At least we demonstrate respect and dignity.












(Photo shows a 400 year old Japanese garden at the New Otani Hotel, Tokyo).

Tip 193: Japan's 100% exam expectation

A friend in Japan on Facebook wrote in her status update that she was reprimanded for arriving to work after the bell. But, that was only once that she was ever late. It got me thinking about the Japanese mentality for perfection. Its not just about arriving on time, its about conforming to every aspect of the work method/process to a mark of 100%. Not merely passing the 70% passing rate, or even right at the dot of 99%, but all should aspire to achieve 100%. If The Karate Kid (a 1984 movie) was made in Japan, probably the Master would share in more precise detail how the floor should be scrubbed in 1000 strokes such that in order for the task to be completed, all time tested strokes need to be followed 100%.












I had a glimpse of Japanese perfection when I was asked by my Japanese manager to take the Life Insurance exam (一般課程) that all employees in the company would be taking. I was optimistic and agreed that I would give it a try and improve my knowledge at the same time. Since my position and renumeration was not at junior level, I was pressured to take the exam without much time to study. So there I was with the Japanese text books and Japanese sample exam papers all in Japanese. I could not read them as 80% of the Japanese characters and vocabulary was new to me. With just 1 month left, I have to make an impossible study plan and pray. I asked my wife to transcribe in just 1 day the sample exam into basic Japanese alphabets (hiragana) so I could type it into a soft copy document. I used a software to interprete the document and could have an English text of the exam. That helped in memorising through understanding each exam question and answers in foreign Japanese characters. The result was in 1 month, I passed at 70%! It was a miracle from God for sure. He didn't want me to fail so soon. :) When my manager knew of my result, he said it was not up to the 100% mark.












It is indeed shocking and can be said to be less gracious for someone to be expecting 100% from another. Besides the lack of kindness, it is very much part of how the Japanese have been trained to be good incrementally at whatever they do. That is how they can achieve constant improvement or kaizen. That is the proven success they now enjoy. A modern society built upon such principles and many other societies have to some extent such expectations of precision too. The Japanese has this in mind when doing business with foreigners as well. The Karate Kid Master did not want any excuses. Just a desire of his student to meet the mark by constant practice till it is perfected. Only once it is perfected, can the student have pride in his own efforts.












As a manager, it is tough to share to your subordinate that you only expect 100%. The intentions are good, but the journey would be difficult for the other. I think what is needed is that the manager would need to assure the subordinate that he understands the difficulty and would be supportive and appreciative of every effort towards hard work and dedication. That the path to greener pastures is not far away. Thank God I can look forward to greener pastures soon as well.












(Photos show petting of the penquin and others including dolphins and whales for free at the Fureai Lagoon, Hakkeijima Sea Paradise)

Tip 192: Eliminate rent, build wealth

This sounds like a materialistic blog title, yet I am thankful for every opportunity God has given me to act wise financially. What I have today was not inherited, yet built with careful saving, hard work and an opportunistic eye to earn whenever possible. I am glad I can now slow down, learn to be more giving and give my family a better life. We are yet to live a luxurious life, yet can now enjoy a more spacious place with less concerns to live within a strict budget. Looking back, it is all because of my initial focus to always eliminate rental expense as much as possible.

Upon arriving in Japan 4 years ago, I had a tight budget as I gave all my hard earned income while studying for my MBA to my family in Malaysia. I settled for a 33,000 yen (USD$330) rent room in a shared apartment, even when I could afford much more as my income was more than 15 times of that. I put up in that small room until I convinced my landlady that I could manage the whole apartment. Then, instead of paying rent, I had supplementary income. All this went to savings and investments. When I got married, I decided I should not pay exorbitant rents but buy a small apartment unit. I bought at the right time when banks were liberal to loan me more than 90% of asset value with dirt cheap interest rates. Again, I thank God for his provision, wisdom and strength to maneuver through Japanese business processes. I ended up saving more by not paying high rental expenses.

Now, I am about to move to a new country where apartment space is larger and more conduscive for the family. My company would be paying for the moving cost from my Japan base and the many Japanese antique vases I have acquired in anticipation of that day when my home will have space to display them. If I had not made that commitment to secure a property in Japan, I may not have had this priviledge of a relocation package. Even as I leave Japan, I would continue to collect rent and when it is vacant, I could use it as a transit place before we visit our in laws at Okinawa since there are no direct flights from overseas. My wealth now is beyond material, but the rich human capital I have built through the miraculous hand of God.

Though, all this travelling have delayed our plans to have a second child. Yet, we are hopeful to buy a second property so we need not be paying rent again. The question is whether it will be within God's grace and timing that God will provide both a child and new home to us. Truly, I do not deserve, yet is thankful for His rich blessings.

(Photos show Haruka enjoying the spectacular musical dance of shoals of fish at the Hakkeijima sea paradise and her acquantance with the Powerpuff girls).

Tip 191:Living with multicultural differences

This blog is full of smiling photos, yet reality is that marriage comes with many challenges. Yet, it is how we want to view it that makes us difference.

We can see it as merely colourful differences that is inevitable no matter who we marry, or we can see it as mountains of impossible differences that we need to bear. If we do, then it becomes a challenge. But, why see it as challenges and battles? Rather, embrace the differences. Appreciate them. See the positive side of it. It could be the only way to be happy. When we renew our minds to embrace and love beyond our will, we learn to love. After a while, it does not seem like a challenge since it is already part of us.

Multi-cultural marriages add to the colour of existing differences in gender, personalities and upbringing. The values and happiness we share in 2 decades of living with our parents as a child does form our ideals. When we are marrying a "foreigner", we are definitely being introduced to different ideals. I will just share 2 simple examples.

I am quite a spontaneous person, who seeks to enjoy the moment to seize whatever I could get at any given second. I am too much to the extreme and should already slow down as a daddy to learn to prioritise. This of course conflicts with the Japanese mentality that requires proper planning and slow and careful response to any given change in the environment. So Tomomi gets stressed. Yet, she is beginning to also learn to express her dissatisfaction and warn me to slow down and at the same time, be accepting some of the thrills of some of my joy rides.

In turn, I was a little disappointed that Japanese dishes are quite boring. Eventhough, I was not rich when growing up, I had a nice table of different variety of dishes everyday. When my mum was busy, she decided to have a caterer bring cooked dishes to the home as it is not expensive in Malaysia. Somehow, this ideal stuck in my mind and affected my image of Tomomi being less of a dedicated wife to cook up a kitchen full of food scent. Yet, I also begin to accept that Japanese focuses on 1 main quality dish, instead serving too many. It is important that I appreciate Tomomi's efforts more. Plus, we would be moving closer to my "home" soon. Patience is key. If we could love, it means we have battled our self-will and that's the main challenge. Not the other person or the problem - but the challenge within ourself to love more. To be patient and seeking to appreciate and embrace the differences. Only good can come out of it.

(Photos show the dolphin and beluga/white whale/sea canary show at the Hakkeijima SeaParadise).

Tip 190: Reasoning your way to a 1 year old

After 1 year old, the child grows bold to express his/her feelings and begin to be stubborn and always quick to yell "No!" or cry. Why did the child do that? Because they wanted their way and thought that playing tantrums can control the outcome and probably had succeeded on some occasions in the past. It is quite natural for parents to feel their authority challenged and feel that it is important to teach the baby as early as possible that tantrums do not pay. Depending on the child's personality, some would yield to such stern teaching. Some children however would want to wage a battle with daddy or mummy till both tire out. I blogged previously about motivating using positive words and actions that a 1 year old could understand. The next step is to tailor this approach through a story the child can understand which forms the reason the child would accept. When done often, the child would learn to think about what is right and wrong and be reasonable. Discipline is necessary, but there is a place for reasoning if you have some patience. It can be fun in fact. Communication when satisfying both parties is always fun. It is always Win Win! Daddy and mummy win, Baby wins.

I am amused that Haruka enjoys watching the kids program where a shoe, cup or other objects has eyes and mouth and can talk and smile. It does not alter her reality and she probably knows that it is just cartoon for entertainment. Yet, it captivates her attention to learn. Similarly, the way we reason to our 1 year old with lots of animation and positive and fun words can command more attention and maybe even obedience. Barney can be our role model! Don't you think so? What can we learn from Barney - his gentle and enthusiastic tone of voice, his animated and energetic body language, lots of smiles and lots of stories. Here is how I persuaded Haruka to sleep early at night.

Daddy: It is time to sleep, Haruka.
Haruka: No! (yells)
Daddy: Do you know where you are going tomorrow? (attention grabbing and stimulates 2 way conversation)
Haruka: Playcenter?
Daddy: Yes. Do you like to play with your friends?
Haruka: Mmm. (yes but silently knowing daddy has not ended the sleep topic yet.)
Daddy: Are you going to sleep early now?
Haruka: Ok.

Daddy switches off light and Haruka did not cry or yell. In the dark, she continued to play and talk to herself. But at least, the TV and light is already off. This scene could have changed between two people shouting Yes and No. Also, this scene could be innovatively altered such as "Wow, all the boys and girls in Barney show sleeps early. Do you want to be a Barney girl?". It could be a childish reasoning, but one which a 1 year old would be happy to accept.

(Photos show the Yokohama Hakkeijima Sea Paradise we went on the same day the family outdoor portrait were taken. A whole day entrance passport of 4900 yen to this amusement park may not be worthwhile, but the entrance to the vast aquariums is just 2700 yen).