Parenting is not easy in this postmodern educated world. A parent is judged more severely by their kids. It is amazing that kids grow up much faster these days and even at age 2-3, kids would put value on what type of attributes that they like in a parent.
How much time you spent with your kid matters less than what activities you engage with them and whether you make them happy. This is especially difficult for dads who will be spending less time with the kids compared to mum. For my case, since Tomomi is a stay at home mum, there is a stark difference in time loss in relationship building between daddy and kids. The less time spent means kids has less need for dad than mum.
At a young age, kids watch TV and have an ideal vision of how happy families ought to be. Sometimes, they do not see the big picture of other essential parenting attributes such as need for discipline, tolerance and forgiveness. Kids these days due to better education at a young age, is capable of listening to conversations between parents yet they may not have the maturity to understand underlying conflicts well. All this puts bias on how they view a certain parent and the value they place in spending time with the parent. Hence, it puts pressure on daddy to work harder to be more careful with my words and prepare intelligent and fun activities with my daughters.
Sometimes, when you are back from work, you just want to relax on the couch and watch TV or read newspapers. Yes, you would also like to chase your kids and hug them. But, growing kids would yearn for more mind stimulating activities which require a little bit more effort, concentration and dedication. After a while they detest hugs and tickles. Yet, if you put a little effort with the activities, they may still be glad to come b
ack to you.
Kids watch advanced and highly educated TV programs nowadays. Science experiments, craft work and games. All this requires preparation time. Other possible activities include colouring and painting with the kid, putting effort to do creative story telling, playing a board game together or taking the kid outdoors for cycling.
It is possible that Haruka at age 3 years yearns more for such activities as she has not gone to kindergarten yet. But, what happens later when she comes back tired from school and does not yearn for daddy attention. Maybe I am just being sensitive and dependant on my kid’s affection. Should I just go back to my newspapers and give the kids the space they need? It is not easy to be a daddy as the role is not as clear cut and you never know the right amount of dedication that is needed. When that’s resolved, quality time keeps taking on new meaning in today’s modern world.
(Photos show Haruka and family in Johor for our Japanese church retreat in 2010).
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