Tip 174: Pre vs. Postpartum mood swings

As I blog I was reflecting on when the postpartum mood swings of my wife ended. (Postpartum is the term used to refer to the mother after pregnancy, while postnatal refers to the infant).












It is hard for the husband to make an objective evaluation as men will mostly treat all mood swings the same as they find it challenging to understand what women feel they want all the time. Wikipedia defined the period of baby/maternity blues as typically lasting from a few hours to a few days. However, postpartum depression is defined as any depression symptoms occuring at anytime till the first year after birth. As bias as I am, I very much like this definition of postpartum mood swings better.












As I have graduated from that 1 year postpartum period, I can definitely agree with a colleague of mine who gave me an advice just before my paternity holiday. He said, "Philip, please do not work and take your holiday. You will have to support your wife as she will be even more emotional than before pregnancy". I was a little shocked at that due to ignorance, since I thought no daddies need to read childbirth books. I even only half believed him at first. Now I know.













During pregnancy, Tomomi was working under a difficult supervisor and she would complain much to me. Plus, there was stress involved in purchasing our home in Tokyo and preparing for it since I wanted the best deal before making an investment with my own hard earned money. I had to be blamed for not showing enough empathy for my dear wife who have to tag along to view the different properties. I faced her mood swings which varies from demanding me to buy different foods at odd times, to being uncooperative. Okay, she is probably right in not meeting my demands many of the times. :)

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After birth, Tomomi was very attached to Haruka. As this is her first child as well as she spends much time with Haruka being a full time mother, she was strict with many ideal methods for caring the baby. This introduced much stress to her. One main contributing factor is probably the desire to breastfeed Haruka without using a breastpump, thus making it difficult for Tomomi to free herself to relax and rest for long periods. It would affect her sleep as well. Yet, she would overlook them, but be irritated when she sees any stress originating from me. At that time, I was undergoing a heavy work schedule and the weekends were a welcome time to rest. Yet, Tomomi complained that I did nothing to ease her burden. I began to allocate weekends to lend a hand, to let mummy off while I babysit and to head to the restaurant so Tomomi could have a change of venue. This seemed to make the mood swings milder. :)












I looked through the list of symptoms and found the following true: anxious and hypersensitive to criticism, low spirits and irritability, weepiness, sudden burst of anger and restless insomnia. I think she did not encounter the symptoms of "unbonded" with the baby or losing appetite as Tomomi is constantly hungry due to the breastfeeding. But its hard to understand the emotions she may undergo especially in the first few days after birth. Tomomi's mother was assisting for a few weeks so that eased the initial intense period probably. At least she need not vent it on me alone.












I do get the same shocking look whenever I share this with new daddies. They were usually in unbelief that life will be much tougher than what they gone through in the initial 9 months. One day, all daddies will look back and smile at the sacrifice of love they gave to mummies and to their beautiful children. Hey, the article even speak of the possibility of daddies experiencing postpartum depressions. I probably did. :) Though, we are thankful that we merely had mood swings and tiredness to bear with and did not encounter any symptoms that require psychiatric attention. Among them are having thoughts of wanting to hurt the baby and oneself or not having any interest in the baby. In any case, they are behind me ... for now.

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(Photos show the Yuigahama beach with blue skies and during sunset, and "good views" of the Enoshima Katase Beach, known as the Miami beach of the East, both located near to Kamakura.)