Tip 117: Appreciating the beauty of wabi-sabi 侘寂

The Japanese phrase, Wabi-sabi (侘寂) is slowly gaining prominence as a buzzword to the Western world as countless books are being written about this elusive concept. This Japanese world view can mean many things to many people and has its roots in the Buddhist concept of transience, impermanence and nothingness which I do not subscribe to. Yet, there are lessons a daddy can learn from this concept and that's appreciating beauty in what is simple, imperfect, natural and modest. I will not confuse my readers by trying to define wabi-sabi as even the Buddhist monks in Japan would tell you that finding a definition for it defeats the purpose of understanding wabi-sabi. But, I will just share examples of Japanese culture and relate it to my daily parenting lifestyle of a daddy. In an age where modernity is taking centre stage, segmenting nature into a far away serene garden or even to some, a plane trip away to some ideal paradise haven, we are losing the eye for nature and simplicity in our everyday life. It is no doubt that the younger generation are growing up with little to be thankful for, than to quickly indulge themselves with more pleasures, experiences and things, being in constant competition with others and telling themselves that they are always inadequate. God in His Wisdom created the simple pleasures of rain and sunshine, rustling wind and cool breeze, fresh dew and rough pebbles, bright sunflowers or modest lilies. Jesus said, “Why do you worry about clothes? Consider the lilies in the field and how they grow. They don’t work or spin yarn, but I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was clothed like one of them". Can the modern daddy tell this to their children while the kids are fully engaged in their playstation game? Or while daddy and family are absorbed in the fantasy of Disneyland? Should we deny these things? Not necessarily. Yet, daddy needs to constantly encourage the appreciation of the simpler things in life that can be even more beautiful, through regular strolls in nature, keeping some manual traditional ways in the home and even having the habit of repairing items instead of throwing them away with little regard.

The Japanese tea ceremony encapsulates much of the feeling of wabi sabi even along the winding stony path leading towards the ceremony. Its when we take more time to reach a destination that we prepare our hearts and value not only the beauty outside, but the beauty within - the preciousness of our soul. With the advent of bullet trains, motorised highways, we often lack the determination to take the simple paths on our foot. I learnt the simplicity of walking from my dad who did not have a car because of poverty, but I later realized there is much gain to going places on foot. Besides free exercise for health and for elimination of carbon for the good of the environment, my weekend outings take on a slower pace to build patience and even offer many new sights along the way. I am glad that both me and my wife have built quite good stamina for walking too. Besides walking, there are other repetitive tasks that can offer therapeutic values to the soul such as cooking, sewing, knitting, sweeping, gardening, calligraphy, painting, pottery making and many others. These repetitive tasks actually seek to improvise practice such that unnecessary actions are eliminated down to the bare necessary strokes that define the task. It thus helps to remove the distractions in our life to focus on the essentials. While its hard to avoid using electronic appliances, my wife uses a traditional rice pot instead of an instant rice cooker. Many of these subtle imperfect items do play a role in adding beauty to the home the wabi-sabi way of bringing oneself to nature and of the need to reflect. The bowls we use for instance can be of simple clay and even a wooden chopstick without paint can enhance such feelings. In the Road Home (movie directed by Zhang Yimou 1999), a broken bowl was pieced together by careful nailing and the finest cloth woven with care and love. Even if daddy has no time to be repairing some of the items at home since it can easily be bought anew at the supermarket, letting an old man fix his shoe can tell a story to the kids that an item was made with care, ought to be valued and repaired with care whenever possible. We need a level of faithfulness and content even with things and these sentiments began to stay steadfast when we deal with the many different people in our lives. Not an easy task for the daddy of the 21st century in a capitalistic consumer market and a changing technological landscape. But, we can certainly do our bit as its the effort that counts. Never easy to achieve such contentment, as gone are the days of lifetime employment, of staying together with village friends all your life. But, daddy do need to have an eye for simplicity as well as abundance like Paul. Paul said, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learnt the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4: 12) And he continued, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Contentment can come from God. We can find contentment in any and every situation when we believe that God is enough for us. True contentment has nothing to do with circumstances whether in pain or in health, married or unmarried, but in trusting God that He meets our imperfection. While the Japanese worldview glorifies the path of impermanence and nothingness when imperfection is understood, Christians glorifies the personal True God who communes with us in our need for Him. Both demands the need to appreciate the beauty in imperfection and to respect and give thanks of all circumstances. The Japanese tries to live the equation of success that lies on the foundation of respect and persistency in constant improvement (kaizen), with a sense of surrender and belief that the karma of life will take care of everything. Christians have a far more superior hope that God the Creator of the Universe is sovereign and full surrender to Him will see the imperfection used by God, to bring out the best in us. Both worldviews requires us to regularly stop from the hustle and bustle of modern living, to reflect and be a daddy who cares deep within.

Do you have any tips to share on meditations and removing distractions from your life?

(Photos show the Paddington bear at Piccadily Circus and London churches and buildings that may resemble the wabi-sabi aesthetic: St Michael Cornhill, St Helens Bishopsgate, Bishopsgate street).