Tip 78: Keeping ties with granny and granddad

Living far away from granny and granddad, we sometimes lose the determination to not only stay in touch, but show how we care. In the modern society these days, each family owns a separate dwelling from their parents. Many even live in different countries or different states and seldom keep in touch, what more maintain loving ties? Children first watch the love shared between daddy and mummy. Then, they observe if daddy and mummy also love their parents, granny and granddad. As I watch the Japanese society, its sad to see family ties being cold, partly due to cultural norms of being less expressive, as well as an afluent lifestyle where everyone can independently buy whatever they want and not need to depend on each other. In fact, it becomes a nuisance to disturb another for your own living. I however do not subscribe to such a view. My blog heading says documenting the past, together with expressing our hopes for the future is the foundation for success. By knowing who we are, we can better learn from our mistakes. Family is part of who we are. In fact, family lineage I believe to a certain extent defines us, but sadly, the many wars and mass migration due to poverty in this past century disrupted the understanding of many of their family lineage. This will be of another blog post/tip altogether if I ever get a chance to explore this subject of family lineage in greater depth. But more importantly, our immediate family ties need to be cemented with love.

It takes quite a lot of proactive efforts to build good ties. Since leaving Malaysia, even when I was studying and living on meagre scholarship allowances and part time jobs, I had kept constant contact with my parents and send money home. Partly because they do not have too much savings and would feel more secure with the thought that they would get constant income flows from their children. But, I wanted to ensure that there is a tie of dependency which makes for a good cause never to stay out of touch. We usually would put less effort to maintain ties with a person, when it is on a want basis, but if it is on a need basis, we know its an important duty that we should not shirk off. While we sometimes would love to take a break and not have any cares to worry about, I think children in this afluent society need to try to maintain some loyal duty to not only stay in touch, but check if their parents' needs are catered for, even if their parents are financially independent. I know I would like these family ties between me and my child to be on a need basis rather than on a want basis. Why we need to maintain such ties indefinitely? Because family is part of who we are and even if we had not such a blessing to start with, it starts from us. I would usually call home but recently, coaxed my parents to make efforts to call my daughter and let her hear some Malaysian accent from granny and granddad. In the future, when I have established my family dwelling place after deciding how large my family should be (still making the counts of how many children is ideal), I wish to have my parents or in laws live with me or at least close to me with frequent opportunities to have meals together.

What about you? Are there any practical steps you do to maintain those family ties?