Tip 239: Say Yes promptly then followup

As I look back, the success I attain today stems from the many "Yes" that I said promptly whenever opportunity arises. The Yes sometimes occurs even before the opportunity emerges as I seek out opportunities through building relationships and letting others know that I am willing to help.














Most of the time, I never expect or imagine the possibilities that could be the result of an eager spirit to engage myself in activities. Often times, there are no motive behind my intention to spend the weekend going to school or to organizations to clean the place, to lift a chair and arrange for events, or for walking out a professor to her car and engage in a chat. Yet, when I said yes and follow it up with emails, there is no knowing that the other party will find a win win transaction to happen between us.














I remember vividly that the first few Yes were during my primary school days participating in story telling contests. Wasn't as active in extra curricular activities after school then, as I would not stay back too often after school as the school was a distance away. Yet, upon secondary school, I begin to join various clubs and was actively participating in all weekly meetings. It could be the spare time not having too much planned family activities during the weekends, that made me available for school activities. I begin to be elected for various positions in clubs, from being a mere representative of my class to being the treasurer and the president of various clubs. When a class teacher would want a participant in one of the competitions she organized, I would also not say No when asked and was singing in front of the school and making public announcements or speeches.














Fast forwarding into varsity life, I kept in touch with my professors and did not hesitate to accept an invitation to work on rewriting my varsity project into a published research paper. I would find it fulfilling to keep myself busy while I was still single and accepted part time teaching offers at my varsity on top of my usual day job. I constantly got testimonials of each activity I participated in and used these as supporting references for various applications. This made me a savvy applicant since I have a repository of resources at my disposal.














It takes lots of initiative to write to everyone whose business card you receive, maintain a record of email and home addresses of people you know and send greeting cards regularly to different people each year. It may seem like a waste of time, yet among the many deeds some will be remembered and some reciprocated with rewarding opportunities.














(Haruka and family at the church family camp in Sebana Golf and Marine Resort, Kota Tinggi, Johor, Malaysia).

Tip 238: Quality vs quantity time

Parenting is not easy in this postmodern educated world. A parent is judged more severely by their kids. It is amazing that kids grow up much faster these days and even at age 2-3, kids would put value on what type of attributes that they like in a parent.

How much time you spent with your kid matters less than what activities you engage with them and whether you make them happy. This is especially difficult for dads who will be spending less time with the kids compared to mum. For my case, since Tomomi is a stay at home mum, there is a stark difference in time loss in relationship building between daddy and kids. The less time spent means kids has less need for dad than mum.

At a young age, kids watch TV and have an ideal vision of how happy families ought to be. Sometimes, they do not see the big picture of other essential parenting attributes such as need for discipline, tolerance and forgiveness. Kids these days due to better education at a young age, is capable of listening to conversations between parents yet they may not have the maturity to understand underlying conflicts well. All this puts bias on how they view a certain parent and the value they place in spending time with the parent. Hence, it puts pressure on daddy to work harder to be more careful with my words and prepare intelligent and fun activities with my daughters.

Sometimes, when you are back from work, you just want to relax on the couch and watch TV or read newspapers. Yes, you would also like to chase your kids and hug them. But, growing kids would yearn for more mind stimulating activities which require a little bit more effort, concentration and dedication. After a while they detest hugs and tickles. Yet, if you put a little effort with the activities, they may still be glad to come back to you.

Kids watch advanced and highly educated TV programs nowadays. Science experiments, craft work and games. All this requires preparation time. Other possible activities include colouring and painting with the kid, putting effort to do creative story telling, playing a board game together or taking the kid outdoors for cycling.

It is possible that Haruka at age 3 years yearns more for such activities as she has not gone to kindergarten yet. But, what happens later when she comes back tired from school and does not yearn for daddy attention. Maybe I am just being sensitive and dependant on my kid’s affection. Should I just go back to my newspapers and give the kids the space they need? It is not easy to be a daddy as the role is not as clear cut and you never know the right amount of dedication that is needed. When that’s resolved, quality time keeps taking on new meaning in today’s modern world.

(Photos show Haruka and family in Johor for our Japanese church retreat in 2010).

Tip 237: Prenatal exercise/posture for natural birth

These days, most babies are not in the head down and most optimal position in the womb to deliver through natural birth. That is why there is increasing occurrence of cesarean, usage of forceps, vacuum and high intervention of the doctor during labour. The World Health Organization has stated that a cesarean rate over 15% is harmful as it increases maternal death rate and infant morbidity. The USA rate is 33% and is rising and is much higher in some states. Yet, this can be avoided through better prenatal posture and exercises.














Our modern lifestyle today is to blame for the less than optimal position of the baby. If we move back in history, women were in different postures during their daily chores, often times leaning forward washing the dishes in the sink or sowing seeds in the farms, on their hands and knees while cleaning the floor or gardening, or at least sitting upright in straight backed hard wooden chairs. These days, most postures and lifestyle encourage leaning back on a comfortable computer chair or couch.















Hence, the mother need to be extra conscious of the need for good posture and put efforts in prenatal exercises. By sitting straight up or leaning forward, gravity will naturally pull the fetal's head and spine down and forward into the anterior position in the womb. Postures to avoid include sitting back on a couch, recliner or soft chair, sleeping on the back or crossing the legs. It is preferable to sleep on the side (preferably the left side) with a pillow beneath the knees. When sitting, it is best to ensure the knees are always lower than the hip bones. A pillow can thus be placed on the seat. Besides posture, there are 2 exercises as shown on the left. The one on top is called knee chest position to be done 3 times a day for 15 minutes. It gently brings down the fetus out of the pelvis, so it can rotate into a more favorable position. The bottom exercise is called pelvic rock, which can be done after the knee chest position. It is an excellent exercise to relieve back pressure and keep the fetus in the optimal position.














Previously, I also blogged about visiting a chiropractor who is trained in the Webster technique. Besides moving the fetal into a head down position, it also alleviates pelvic and uterine restriction, so the fetal can move to the optimal position on its own. Another blogpost speaks about a Japanese midwife tip to always keep mummy's leg warm.














Getting all this right is key to a smooth and fast labour, besides one that is natural, without intervention by the doctor and no necessary need for knives and other equipment that may harm the baby and the mother.














Being in the delivery room, I am in awe at how a 3164 gram baby with a head circumference of 32cm and a height of 48cm can come out of the womb in 1 hour without any tear on the vagina or the need for the doctor to incise to enlarge the passage. Neither was epidural taken, so Sayaka is fully alert through this natural birth.

(Photos show Sayaka and sister, Haruka at the hospital with friends who have visited us. Video at the bottom shows 10 minute old Sayaka waving peace for 2011).

Tip 236: Avoid unnecessary labour induction

My experience of labour with my first child was in Japan at a midwife's center with strong emphasis on natural birth. My second child was delivered in Singapore at end of 2010 and only then, I realized the common habit of doctors in hospitals to induce labour. Fortunately, we had already advised our doctor in advanced of our preference for natural birth and paid the necessary ward class to have our preferred doctor facilitate the delivery, instead of other doctors who have not had communication with us earlier.














It seems like a simple procedure to induce birth. The doctor puts a sterile, plastic thin hook into the vagina, brush against the membranes just inside the cervix to cause artificial rupture and cause the water bag to break. When this happens, contraction can happen at a faster rate especially if it has already started. Often times, the woman at labour does not know what happens as she may not be able to feel the quick 2 seconds procedure and will not be able to see it. The doctor may not even explain the procedure to the parents in advanced, and treat it as part of the labour process. But, is this natural birth and is this necessary if there is no compelling reasons for it?














There are various legitimate reasons why a doctor need to induce labour. Among others, being prolonged pregnancy beyond 42nd weeks, baby being too big for safe labour or the woman has health risks. However, reasons such as doctors wanting to avoid delivering at night or during holiday season should not be excuses to invite mothers to admit to the hospital early for delivery.














Most doctors would act professionally to ask the mother to be admitted to hospital only when there is head engagement where the fetal head has descended into the pelvic cavity so that only a small part can be felt abdominally and most of it felt vaginally. It is known as the baby drop or lightening as there is renewed ease of breathing and release of pressure on the upper abdomen, but higher pressure on the rectum and pelvic floor. The mother can believe the doctor's words when she has increased sensation that the baby will fall out any moment.














Yet, how clear is the definition of head engagement? Would the doctor define it as fully engaged outside the abdomen or just about to engage into the vagina? The doctor may persuade the parents that once the water bag is broken, there may be little time to manage the labour process and advise admission to the delivery room much earlier. Yet, once admission to the delivery room, the parents have little choice to when they want the baby to be delivered as there will be charges associated to time spent in the delivery room.















These days, the hospital will usually provide a slightly earlier estimated due date (EDD) of 40th week gestation instead of the maximum of 42 weeks. There is possibility that this is to manage parent's expectation better in case the babies need to be delivered earlier to better manage hospital space and doctor's availability.














Yet, are we allowing nature to best take its place? Would a child achieve best optimum conditions if allowed to be delivered only when the water bag breaks and in God's perfect timing? Or should we listen to the doctor to please his/our convenience to deliver the baby as soon as slight conditions allow for the delivery? Would a longer gestation period support longevity and better health conditions for the baby? There are some who believe that aiming for natural birth with the longest possible gestation period (if health conditions permit) allows for better health to the baby and that he or she may have a longer life to live. I believe these are among the admirable, pure and excellent things that we should think about and aim to accomplish. Mummy decides this as she will be bearing the pain, yet sometimes mummy looks to daddy to judge on whether to accept what the doctor say as truth or not. Daddy being in the delivery room and in the whole delivery process and doctor visits helps better decision making.














(Photos show 10 minute old Sayaka born in 2010 in Singapore).

Tip 235: Chiropractic can create life

Chiropractic, known for its spinal manipulative theraphy would usually stand for sustaining life, but in our case, it did contribute towards creation of life. I have never been a believer of spending money when there is no need for it. Yet, we were trying for our second child for more than 4 months. Tomomi suggested chiropractic may help since there could be an amazing amount of change to her body since her last pregnancy. There is certainly no harm to adjust any misalignments, so we tried for just 2 separate treatments by 2 different chiropractor. After a month, the conception of our second child was successful.

Chiropractic in recent days have gained recognition as an alternative medicine and even are approved by insurers for claims by its insured. There are more chiropractic regulatory boards set up in advanced countries such as USA, Canada and Australia and more patients who believe in its preventive treatment powers.

We are still early believers. I just spent SGD100 for one treatment and had another free trial treatment. Could it be coincidence or proof that just after 2 treatments on my wife, the educated hand technique can make right any misalignment that is causing interference to the nervous system. The idea behind it, is that the flow of our nervous system can be constricted by bones that are out of alighnment which can put pressure on the nerves that go to every organ and system in our body. Most of us have terrible posture, or slouching on a couch can aggravate our spine. This bad positioning pinches nerves, squeezes our internal organs, and creates tension. Adding to that are injuries, like falls or sporting injuries. Our reproductive organs among others, may be in a less than optimal position to function smoothly. With chiropractic care, the misaligned pelvis may be addressed or can even be prevented, making it possible for the woman to achieve a healthy conception. Receiving chiropractic care prior to conception promotes a more regular menstrual cycle (improving the chance of conception) and optimal uterine function. A Doctor of Chiropractic aligns the vertebrae and pelvis through gentle adjustments to the spine without any drug interventions, relieving the pressure on the nerves and allowing one hundred percent of the nerve energy to reach the tissues it serves.

This doesn't mean that women who are not in perfect alignment cannot get pregnant! They do every day, but if you're having problems with conception, consulting a chiropractor may help you. Many of us carry our tension in our shoulders, for example and this translates throughout our bodies. Stress, in general, is not helpful for conception because, as stress leads to increased release of cortisol. A study was published in the Journal of Vertebral Subluxation Research by Dr. Madeline Behrendt that examined 15 women who were attempting to become pregnant. Fourteen of the women became pregnant spontaneously following the start of chiropractic adjustments.

There is a chiropractic technique called the "Webster technique" that specifically addresses the position of the baby in the pelvis and optimizing that position for a successful vaginal delivery. Chiropractors do not adjust the baby, per se, but rather by adjusting the mother's alignment and working on relaxing the pelvis, babies can move into the correct position on their own. With the high caesarean rate in the United States, helping women and their babies to be ideally positioned for delivery is important. Equally important is post natal chiropractic care that helps the mother to relieve the stresses put on the body by the rapid growth of the baby. As her belly gets bigger, the woman's center of gravity changes. The growth is so quick that it is often difficult for the low back and pelvis to adjust to this change. As her baby grows, her musculoskeletal system must adjust accordingly to accommodate the growing uterus and prepare for delivery. Many pregnant women experience low back pain, hip pain, and pubic symphysis. I hope this short blogpost gives you a glimpse of the possibilities of chiropractice.














(Photos show Haruka playing lantern with her neighbour during the Mid-Autumn festival and with her church friends in water play at the Science Centre Singapore).

Tip 234: Never pay credit card fees

The credit card market in countries like Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore is getting competitive. New foreign banks entering the market is putting intense pressure to incumbent established banks to participate in various incentive giving, contests and constantly motivating their customers to spend.

I had always requested for my credit card annual fees or late fees to be waived and been successful. I have realized there is no exception. No matter what reasons the officers give when they persuade me to pay the charges, they would willingly waive it when they know that I would not accept the fees whatsoever. If I have a good track record of spending, the credit company would relent to absorb any fees if I say I would cancel the cards.

For my Malaysian credit cards, upon knowing that the government is imposing an annual service tax of RM50 in 2010, I cancelled most of my cards and only maintained my Citibank credit card. I told the bank that I would cancel it if they would not absorb the fee. Initially, they would give excuses that the fee is charged by the government and they could not absorb it. When they knew they would lose a customer, RM50 seems like a reasonable amount to pay to keep the customer. So I continued using the card since there is no fee involved, but only rewards gained from using it.

In Singapore, the government does not impose any fees and I have more than a dozen cards with various shopping outlets. AMEX Krisflyer told me that they would be able to waive my annual fees, but not the SGD60 administration fee for converting my points to air mileage every month. The eloquent officer explained that the fees are imposed by the airline company and that this card was the only card that allows me to earn mileage instantly upon spending and that the fees are justified. I spoke with her for 20 minutes but did not want to accept her reasoning and maintained that I would cancel the card considering it is more expensive to maintain this card compared to my other cards. The officer did not want to agree to offer me the waiver either. I told her it has taken too much time and I had to hang up the phone. Later, I checked my statement and the fee was waived. I am probably the only customer in Singapore who did not pay my administration fee and still get to use its benefits.

It may seem unreasonable to ask for so much. Yet, by knowing that you have the bargaining power, then it is pointless to be paying fees when you can avoid it. The opposite can be true in Japan. Rules and law cannot be bend for the customer. When I was beginning to complain about my annual fees, the bank was quick to cancel my card when I was late to pay even once. This would not have happened in any of the other countries above.

(Photos show Haruka acting as a sheep for the nativity play. She was so bold that she was playing with the baby doll in front of everyone on stage).

Tip 233: Learn new languages, be global

The call to be global is starting to be stronger. Companies need to expand profits to different markets and not depend on their existing strong markets due to increased risk of volatility in markets. Even countries with strong cultural and language traditions are going to change. Can they? Yes! Hiroshi Mikitani, CEO of Rakuten Japan is one of them. The mandate is clear. Employees not proficient in English in 2 years will be fired.

This trend will certainly be followed by other courageous and ambitious CEOs, as well as forward looking world leaders. First, the need to master English, then Chinese, then a third language if not more. Rakuten CEO's reason is simple. In 10 years, the market will be very different and we need to be prepared.

The CEO walks the talk. In a press conference to Japanese reporters, instead of using Japanese, he used English even when its unnecessary. It takes a leader to courageously own up to his shortcomings and be ridiculed for falling short of perfection, so that those under his care will be willing to follow. Same goes for daddies. Are we walking the talk?

I am starting to see the need to learn as many languages as possible. One does not require to be proficient in all languages, but to be brave to utter the first few words confidently and clearly. Only fear need to be conquered. Imperfect pronounciation and poor vocabulary can be corrected through practice and love of the culture and language.

Parents often discuss about whether to send their children to study in a schools that use another language as its medium of instruction. For instance, for Malaysian parents, should they send their children to a Chinese school when the parents themselves are not proficient in the language.

By walking the talk, parents need to make efforts to learn languages together with their children. It can be fun when we show interest in a new language and tackle the difficulties together. It does not matter if our kids are much smarter than us in learning the new language. It is fine if they could master the vocabulary faster. What matters is that we maintain the global outlook like Hiroshi Mikitani and hopefully set tough goals for ourselves to improve. It is fine to falter and look silly in our newly acquired accent, but we should try and work hard at improving ourselves as global citizens of this world.

(Photos show Haruka at her first Christmas stage show singing a few Christmas carols in Japanese and English at the International Japanese Church of Singapore IJCS. The day before she sang at Orchard Road, Singapore in front of the Mandarin Gallery for 30 minutes from 7pm).