Tip 208: To love is to Remember

As I reflect on life and on my relationship with God and others, I realize that the act of remembering has life changing and powerful impact in one's life. Sometimes, even if the act of remembering does not result in significant good actions on our part to recipocrate and do good works to repay the debt we received from the giver, it is fine to just remember. I blogged once about the importance of remembering God while we were young. I am beginning to inculcate this to Haruka even as she is just 2 years old. Though, the concept of remembering may have little to do with how strong our memory is. It helps to have good memory to remember the details of location, time and date and people involved in our history who have helped us. Yet, it takes more than contemplation, as gratitude may be a function of how we value kindness.














I would always talk to Haruka and ask her if she remembers a certain person and relates the incident and location. Then, I would ask her what that person did and if she loved that person.












It is the lunar Chinese New Year soon. I am preparing red packet 'angpow'. When I was away from the chinese community in Tokyo and London during Chinese New Year, there were fewer friends and relatives that I would need to prepare an angpow for. So this coming Chinese New Year will be an exciting one for me and for Haruka. It will be Haruka's first time receiving angpows as we somehow got distracted with travelling or were busy with work during the previous new year. After all, it is not a holiday in Japan. As I prepare angpows, I remembered my church members who would look out for me during church services during Chinese New Year as they have prepared a RM10 angpow for me. It may not be a big amount now, but its a generous amount for non relatives to be giving a RM10 angpow to a church member and I remembered everyone of them for their dedication, generosity and love shared many years during my childhood. Now that I attend a Japanese church in Singapore, I realized that there aren't too many children who would find a SGD10 or even SGD20 angpow as meaningful to be remembered for, even if I would stick to a routine of doing the same every year. Probably most churches in the city would face the same situation. So what do we do? Do I make a trip to a poor neighbourhood village or to the aborigines at Cameron Highlands to give out angpows every year? Or do I keep a prayerful eye for a needy family in a Malaysian church to share this ritual of love?

Somebody asked Abba Antony (St. Antony the Great of Egypt), "What shall I do in order to please God?"












He replied, “Do what I tell you, which is this: wherever you go, keep God in mind; whatever you do, follow the example of Holy Scripture; wherever you are, stay there and do not move away in a hurry. If you keep to these guidelines, you will be saved.”












We are living in a fast paced results oriented materialistic society. It is becoming harder to pass through the eye of a needle and appreciate the love that God has for us and share that same love to others. Yet, we need to remember. Sometimes, it may mean not being in a hurry always. Find time to remember.

(Photos show Haruka at the Singapore Botanic Gardens and a shopping mall lantern display).

Tip 207: Save first, enjoy later

The story of capitalism has seen many enjoy great material comfort and luxury, only to lose it within a day.















I watched The Oprah Winfrey Show which showcased a TV anchorman who lived a celebrity life only to suddenly lose his job after 26 years when his TV station closed down abruptly. The next month, the anchorman had 0 income, but 2 mortgages to pay off and a lot of other installment plans such as holiday hotel timeshare plans, 24 month fitness gym subscription, kids' university fees, insurance plans, regular savings investment plans and many others. From a life of cocktail parties every other night, he had to resort to search for a job instantly and decided to take a 80% pay cut to be a part timer at a pet shop.















He had to surrender many of his investment plans and incur losses, sell off assets at a loss and resort to rent a home and car instead. All the years of hard work to build his wealth results to nothing when he incurs great loss when selling his assets and investments abruptly.















Unlike Asians, many do not keep large savings for rainy days. The solution: save 1 year of income before committing to any new mortgage or large ticket expense.















As I look back, I can understand the temptations to enjoy or over invest beyond our means. The sales person who want get you to spend on gym expenses, will sell you a 24 month plan and share with you the discounts you may enjoy. Yet, you may later find yourself moving to another city or country and not utilizing the membership after all. Similarly, insurance agents or investment brokers may give various incentives that may tempt customers to invest beyond their means.















What is the optimum path to manage money to live a good life? God first, people second, then money, then things. Delay our craving on things till we manage money well for a good sustainable future in today's volatile fast changing world. After a while, we may realize things can matter very little.














(Photos show Haruka a little unhappy to pose with a Black Pete (Zwarte Piet, Sinterklaas's helper) during the Dutch Christmas event Sinterklaas feast at the Hollandse Club, at a playground at the Harbour Front mall, along the Christmas lights at Orchard Road and a Christmas party at a home of a Japanese Christian of the church we are joining now in Singapore).

Tip 206: Stir child's curiosity

As a dad, nothing makes me happier than to see my child grow and develop well to her fullest potential. Haruka is only 2 years old, but she can speak and understand 2 languages, memorize new phrases that she hears for the first time and learn new methods of doing things by following instructions. The other day, I taught her how to greet someone in Korean, and after 10 minutes she could remember the phrase "Anyeong Haseyo", which means good day in Korean. I attribute all this to constant communication with Haruka by me and my wife. One particular method of communication is my constant excitement and enthusiam that I share with Haruka when we have our regular walking sessions.

Children are by nature curious. A baby with good vision after 2 or 3 months is constantly looking around her surroundings to observe new faces and new moving objects. Like a kitten, a baby would be playful with various objects. As they grow taller and walk, they try to play with the door knob, the telephone or the computer. When they finally operate something like how their mum or dad operates it, they feel a sense of accomplishment that they are as smart as the people around them. Yet, at a younger age around 1 year old, parents can assist by pointing out various interesting phenomenon happening around the baby. This would sharpen the baby's observation skills, which in turn increases curiosity and the desire to answer the many Why questions which leads to learning.

I would for instance constantly point to the leaves that are moving in the midst of strong wind. Or to the twinkling star on a clear night sky. Or point to a dog faraway which we would see later as we walk on that path. When I noticed Haruka could understand more, I begin to ask her why would the leave move. And Haruka answers "because the wind is strong". If she does not give me an answer, I would give her the answer, which helps her to repeat this form of response the next time. As Haruka gets more observant as she turns 2, she in turn points to me all these phenomenon and explains to me what is happening. Many kids may only do this when they turn 3, but because of the constant communication I have with Haruka, she could do it much earlier and in turn learn much faster than many children. It is true that kids these days are much more talented and smarter due to the many opportunities the parents expose their children to. They join art and music classes when they are much younger than their parents. One thing that a parent can do besides taking them to all these classes is to stir the child's enthusiasm level. When the child is excited to learn and understand reason, they can absorb more when they go to school and other training.

(Photos show Haruka with Santa, at a clown session along Orchard road, at the best dressed building of Christmas 2009 showcasing Tanglin Mall's decoration made of recycled items, near a large mooncake exhibit near to Chinatown, with a glued giraffe fugirine at a Lego shop and at an interesting ball fountain outside a restaurant that Haruka was fascinated with).

Tip 205: Identify the wisdom in traditions

Haruka was back in Malaysia for the Christmas holidays. It was the first time she met her great grandmother who is 86 years old. I thought it was good for Haruka to build relations with her extended family, yet later I realized it could not be as ideal as I hoped for. There was the language barrier. My grandmother was born in Malaysia before getting married to my grandfather who hailed from Guangdong. Eventhough, my grandmother had less Chinese roots since she lived her whole life in Malaysia, she did not attend school as girls then were barred from going to school by their fathers. So, my grandmother could not speak English to Haruka and she thought it would be difficult to play with Haruka. That was until I saw photos of Tangyuan in the local newspaper announcing that the next day on 22 December 2009 was the Winter Solstice Festival. It was an opportunity for Haruka to knead Tangyuan with her great grandmother.

Traditions have been introduced by the elders for many decades or centuries with careful thought on how traditions can instill noble values and bring people together. Societies in the past do not have so much convenience and mobility to keep in touch easily. Traditions such as the Dongzhi is a good time for many to make the effort to travel the distance to knead rice flour together to make as many round dumplings as possible as flour was not expensive previously. It also instills patience as a good dumpling is knead with love and lots of attention to detail to ensure its round and chewy. The glutinous rice flour needs to have just the right amount of water, else it will be too dry for kneading or too wet to hold a smooth round shape. If hundreds of balls are made, patience is required and a desire to want to maintain good standards may warrant kneading the balls over and over by reducing the size and rekneading if its too large or too small. Like the Japanese, the Chinese too had many traditions emphasizing the need to put attention to detail.

Nowadays, we can easily ready made Tangyuan knead by factories or vendors in the market, but nothing beats participating in the traditions and reaping the benefits if we identify with the wisdom behind it. Do it - it takes effort, time, inconvenience and unnecessary stress, but there is good in many traditions.

(Photos show Haruka with her Malaysian great grandmother at our home in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia and Haruka with her Malaysian grandmother at the Singapore zoo and Clarke Quay riverside when she came to visit my new Singapore home. Also, Haruka's first hawker center food. The best we tried in our first 2 weeks in Singapore was the Zion Road hawker center opposite Great World City, Tiong Bahru which is clean and has lots of food variety).

Tip 204: Year End greeting cards bring good tidings

In Japan, there is a tradition to send postcards with photos of the family to all relatives and friends at the end of each year. The greeting card is personalized as the recipients could see faces of the sender if they have not seen the person for 1 whole year. It is also very convenient since the cost of postage is merely the cost of a postcard. The Japanese post office even offers a service of providing a few graphic images or postcard design frames on their do-it-yourself postcard computer for the sender to customize the cards before they upload a photo and specify the number of cards they want to purchase. The cards come with stamps readily printed, so there is only the need to write the address down and put it in the post box.

I did exactly the same recently. Though, it was less convenient when done outside Japan. One year ago, I have gathered a list of a few hundred addresses of relatives, church members, ex colleagues and classmates. This was actually not such a difficult task since I compiled a list when delivering wedding invitation cards. The hard part was finding a printer that could print a postcard with customized designs. There were none. The closest I found was a photoshop that printed photos with customized design, but the photos were not water resistant. Then, I found a photo with water resistant features, but the printer had limited design for the card. I decided then to spend 1-2 days customizing the design using a graphic software and finally, got 100 cards printed after negotiating the price for it.

The results: Splendid! A card is a proactive way to connect with people after not staying in touch for a while. It allows people to remember our names and the names of our family members (especially when it is a foreign Japanese name). It is a simple way to show appreciation to the people who have previously touched our lives, without spending too much to make the recipient guilty or indebted and thereby causing an awkward situation. My major high of the day was when an 85 year old church member called me up when she received the card. She said the card made her feel happy. I told her that I would see her this week at church and we could talk more. She shared that she would be at home instead, since she had a fall 2 weeks ago. If I am free, I would pay her a visit with Tomomi and Haruka and nothing beats the joy of having a toddler in the home. Even if I could not make the visit due to the many people I intend to meet this week in Malaysia, I know that my card has already touched one soul.

(If you did not get a card from me, just wait for next year. You are in my thoughts. Photos show Haruka at Singapore Zoo and ION Orchard shopping mall).

Tip 203: Understanding phobia, then reassure

One evening, while walking along a slippery floor beside the swimming pool, Haruka fell with the back of her head hitting the floor. She cried and later I was able to distract her. It was not very painful, but she learnt her lesson. The next day onwards, whenever we went out in the evening, Haruka wanted me to carry her instead of walking by herself. I kept coaxing her to walk by herself, but she kept crying asking me to carry her. It did not matter if it was in a bright shopping complex or out in the streets, she wanted me to carry her. I thought she was being spoiled and cranky. I left her crying, pretended to walk away, but she would not want to walk and I had to carry her.

Another evening, while walking by the same spot where she fell, I noticed she was very insistent for me to carry her. My hands happen to be full, so I gave the excuse that I could not carry her. She cried. I reassured her that if she walked slowly, she would not fall. She thought she had no choice, so she did try to walk slowly and later I carried her after a while. The next evening, she again cried and wanted me to carry her when we were walking at the spot she fell. Then, I reassured her and reasoned to her that it will be fine if she walked slowly. I reminded her that she did well last evening. Haruka uttered to herself that she needs to walk slowly. I praised her that she did well and there is nothing to fear. She did not cry anymore and was her fun self when she walked away from that spot.
















This episode taught me that phobias can easily develop through any of our life events. Yet, at those crucial moments, someone need to be there to reassure us. We may need to make baby steps slowly and someone needs to be patient with us. Yet, it helps to have someone encourage us that we are making progress. We begin to turn our attention away from the fear, but to be realizing that it is not so difficult after all. We begin to build our self esteem that we can do it and we can be proud of ourselves for overcoming the fear. It helps to have someone praise us for our efforts. That someone can be Daddy. I feel good that I can be there for my child to avoid a phobia from developing.

(Photos show Haruka at the Singapore Zoo).