Tip 139: Building baby's courage on the swing

I was spending time with Haruka in a playground when I saw a mum with a 4 year old daughter. Her daughter was healthy mentally and physically, but somehow she was afraid to sit on the swing. Her mother put her sitted on the swing and the little girl began to call out to her mother in a frightened tone, to take her down. Then, the mother calmed her by holding her hand and talked to her. She stopped her tantrums and just sat calmly. Slowly, the mother pushed the swing gently while holding her hand. She was getting a little nervous, but tried to stay calm as her mother's hands were firmly holding her. It probably took quite a while to get this girl swinging. And even then, her mother did not want to let her swing too much that day. But, a historic milestone was made. The daughter overcame her fear slightly with the aid of a patient mum. This probably could have been avoided by exposing a child early to play and to some safe adrenalin rush at the playground. Yet, at every step, a parent's presence can make a huge difference in a child's development. Most of the time, its through playing with your child.

I took Haruka to a playground even when she was less than 1 year old. She just sat in my arms and watch the other children play, plus turn her heads around to notice for the sparrows flying around. I would also sit on the swing with her in my arms and slowly swing up and down so she would feel the swinging movements while still stay close to daddy. Later, we found some enclosed swings with a secure box where Haruka could sit aided and swing. She liked it even at a young age. When she could walk and climb stairs, we were amazed at how quickly she got acquanted with the slides and other play items in the playground. I truly think an outdoor playground is good for children, even if they have been playing various toys indoors. Nothing beats the joy of swinging and sliding and falling down on a patch of grass or sand. These are simple pleasures that we ourselves as children enjoyed, yet nowadays there are so many amusement parks and playrooms that children could play at. Location may matter less and can not be a substitute to having parent's presence in those crucial moments. Nothing beats a parent holding a child's hand to reassure her that all is fine at the swing.

How often do you take your child to the playground?

(Photos show Haruka at Discovery Bay playground at a man made beach and Hong Kong park playground overlooking Hong Kong concrete skyline. I must say that I am quite impressed at the good playground facilities in large playgrounds in Hong Kong).

Tip 138: Never be embarassed by family

This blogpost is inspired by the movie,"Last Chance Harvey" watched on the plane to Singapore recently. Starring Dustin Hoffman (playing Harvey), the father of a soon to be wed daughter, the movie offers a rollercoaster ride of emotions felt by Harvey who realized he has nothing left and has lost everything: his marriage, his daughter, his esteem when he is on the verge of losing his supposedly permanent job. The climax to me, was when his daughter told him that another man will replace him as dad, to walk her on the aisle. What can be more shocking than that? That has its roots in a father who felt he embarassed his family all the years and begin distancing himself away, thereby creating a vicious cycle of more distance and lost of trust. Yet, that's a very common scene in any family. Unless we admit it and do something about it, we all can be blamed one time or another for feeling embarassed by our family members. In this competitive world with high standards where we can constantly compare families, we subconsiously demonstrate how we are irked by the many things our parents and family members do. Yet, these negative responses are the very seeds that can ruin our relationships and cause more rift and more embarassment upon ourselves. Rather, we need to consciously remind ourselves to affirm those we love since they are the ones we have the tendency to feel most irritated by. All is not lost- while our parents and family members are still alive, we can undo our previous negative responses and takes steps to reaffirm our parents' esteem and demonstrate we are not embarassed by them. Love heals. It starts by making bold steps to undo past negative actions.

I am glad to admit that there is nothing to hide, that I have been embarassed by my dad since young. This is the first step to make attempts to do something about it. Unless one is conscious of the need to be sensitive with one's actions, any subtle subconscious behavior over the years will continue unnoticed. I was embarassed by my dad's inability to manage his finances, thereby creating a poverty cycle surrounding my family, before both me and my brother started working. Further, as I grew up, I felt embarassed by his manner, his thinking, his speech, his relationship with others and myself as would how Harvey's daughter and wife felt about Harvey. Yet, I did nothing to support my dad but to further my distance, thereby further hurting his esteem. A dad's esteem is further damaged when even those close to him could not lend support, even as the rest of society treats him far worse in this competitive society. Few years ago, I began realizing that I am not in the position to judge my dad. All of us are made different, and face different circumstances in life. The fact that he has not given up in life through the many challenges he faced and contributed the little he did, means a big deal actually. Instead of feeling ashamed of his little contributions, I began to feel proud and spend more time talking to him. Everytime, my dad uttered a careless phrase, I see it in the light that we are all similarly vulnerable to shortcomings. I invested more time to give him opportunities to expose to different experiences so that, he may be a better person. I am even considering to move closer to home, so that my parents could spend more time with Haruka so they would feel more a part of me and my family. Yes, it is not easy to accept someone and even endorse that person that we are proud despite their shortcomings. But, if it will make their life meaningful and build his/her self esteem, it is a loving contribution we bring to our family who loves us and has no one but us. Furthermore, our example towards our parents will be seen by our children.

How do you think we can best deal with being embarassed by our family members?

(Photos show the romantic Paris in the evening, at the Arc de Triomphe and the Pantheon Court overlooking Eiffel Tower and the Pantheon itself).

Tip 137: Uttering a foreign word when heard

I often get impressed parents curious at how Haruka could understand both Tomomi and me speak to her in different languages. Actually, all babies and children pick up languages easily. It all boils down to constant communication with parents. I did not speak too much with my dad, otherwise I would have picked up the Hakka dialect. Same goes for my mum who did not take the initiative to speak with me Hokkien since she grew up in Penang and was conversant in it, eventhough her mother tongue is the Cantonese dialect. I ended up only being able to speak Cantonese, even without formally learning it from a teacher as I grew up hearing and speaking it. Even if a language is not spoken entirely, a foreign greeting alone suffice in the right context. For chinese educated parents who are not fluent in English, just start by greeting Good morning and speaking simple sentences to certain neighbours who are fluent in English in front of your child. If you see a Malay or Indonesian, get into the habit of greeting them,"Selamat Pagi" (Good morning in English) in front of your child, and before long, the child will be able to contextualize the use of different foreign greetings and words.

We were in Paris for just 6 days. When we came home, there is French girl who was staying in another room in the apartment swap we took. We would encourage Haruka to greet her "Bonjour!" She only did it sparingly. Whenever we went to any patisserie or restaurants, the shop attendants would start by greeting Bonjour and I would return the greeting while carrying Haruka in my arm. Whenever any stranger approaches Haruka to just pat her, we would encourage Haruka to greet them Bonjour even if she does not want to do it. To our amazement, many months after we are back, Haruka could identify foreign kids who have blonde hair and white skin and greet them Bonjour if she likes them. Most of the time, the kids are not French, but she learnt that white people would greet each other Bonjour. That's the power of repetition and encouraging your children to be friendly and to speak with others. Even in a foreign tongue. This proves that its not too difficult to start your child young to speak a foreign word. Just require parents to show the example and lots of listening to the same phrase being spoken at the right context.

How about having a friend wear Kimono always and greet Konnichiwa in front of a 1 year old baby? If it works and your baby learns a new language even if just a few phrases, leave a comment here.

(Photos show Cathedral Notre Dame, Paris).

Tip 136: An observing eye and smile towards animals

There are many simple pleasures in this world. As I observe the different animals that roam freely in the neighbourhood with Haruka, I too catch the same enthusiasm that Haruka has towards these beautiful creatures of God. It started during my weekend walking strolls with Haruka when she was just around 4-5 months with an eye towards any moving object around her. I would give Tomomi a break to the Japanese bookshop, while its just daddy time with daughter. We walk around the neighbourhood with Haruka in my arm and we would see the different cute poodles taken out by elderly neighbours who also long to greet Haruka. A perfect encounter where Haruka could have a longer stare towards these cute playful creatures, giving her an amusing smile and probably shaped her friendly disposition to want to emulate the playful animals. Animals have little stress in an environment where they are shown love instead of ill treatment and its these content and joy that we can each emulate. Nowadays, children begin to lack these simple content and joy of life that children centuries ago enjoyed without the presence of material attractions, mass media and intense competition. Maybe there is a need to take the children out of their usual environment to gain an observing smile towards how animals smile at life.

In my strolls with Haruka, I would point out to her the flying seagulls in Canary Wharf, the swift squirrels in London parks who would not mind approaching for food, the loving pigeons up above the electric lines pecking each others' cheeks, the koi fish and mandarin ducks swimming around the ponds in Kowloon park, the colourful butterflies enjoying the flowers grown by diligent residents and the toad out for a hop after rain. I would make different animal sounds when we could see them to allow Haruka to remember these animals better even when she would not know a single word then. Haruka smiles as the poodles jumped to lick her cheek. Or when the squirrels seem to want to say hello. As she grew older and knew how to walk, her observation has taught her to approach only friendly animals and only reach out to the animals when they are interested to play. Often times, she would have a quick eye even when the dogs are at a distance away and would stray from our walking path to walk towards others with dogs to be able to pat them for a few minutes. We probably do not intend to have a pet until we settle down in a larger home with a garden when the children go to school. But until then, anybody can make that effort to go to that park nearby or simply have an eye towards those loving pigeons. The lessons we learn from these beautiful creature are much more than the childrens' DVD that the child watches daily.

Do you have a pet at home or exposes your children much to animals? Do you think they make a difference in childrens' lives?

(Photos show Haruka warming up to a dog at Blenheim Palace garden, Haruka approaching a cat at Mudchute farm, pigeons, seagulls, ducks and goose at Regent Park, a squirrel approaching Haruka thinking she has some food to give at Crossharbour, London, a swan at Oxford river and Haruka intruding into a family picnic at Bleinheim Palace garden).

Tip 135: Apartment swap for holidays

Paris is one of the most expensive cities to go on holiday. Besides the high cost of accomodation, you will be tempted to splurge on good French restaurants, nice patisserie at every street corner, entrance fees into nice museums and palaces or even to go up the Eiffel Tower via lift. Though, every single money spent gives you the highest satisfaction into the romantic world of Paris. Yet, you could save quite a lot if you do an apartment swap. Then, you could stay a little longer and take your time to enjoy the sights, cover more attractions and soak in the ambience. I am glad I did just that and could afford to spend 6 days of stay in Paris. I was then in London and another French executive who make frequent trips to London was wanting to have an apartment exchange with a reliable trustable person. We invested trust in another human being and gained in both having not to pay a single rent. Assuming USD$200 per night, both of us have saved a combined USD$2000! All it takes is a leap of trust and some basic tips to search for like minded individuals and check their credentials. So daddy felt a little more relaxed to splurge on restaurants and French wine, knowing he has also saved much on the cheapest train fare.















There is an idiom, "penny wise pound foolish". It is true that many times when we try to save the little, we end up risking to lose much more. For instance, inexperienced people who do apartment swaps face the risk of being cheated by hoards of online scammers. In fact, I found a few in the process as well and can share my experience and how best to go about trusting people you have not met on the internet. Firstly, to do an apartment swap, you need to use various internet community website such as gumtree or craigslist or apartment swap websites. Some websites that specialize in this task, would even allow the netizens who have done an apartment swap to rate the people and apartment they have encountered. Then, you need to be communicating with the owner of the property. Especially for European apartments, there are a host of online scammers who would post beautiful apartment photos they do not own. They would then ask you to transfer money into their account as a deposit. Most apartment swaps do not collect deposits. They do it based on trust and common sense. Some may ask you to sign a document to accept liability of anything damaged. But, others simply rely on the other to pay up if they have spent any considerable amounts. So just stay away from people who are seeking to receive money in return else just pay a legitimate hotel. Next, ask for the person's work email or work/personal website to validate his identity. This would give you some security that the person has a valid job and is generally a responsible person. The final thing is to have a back up plan. If the swap does not work, at least you know where to book your alternative accomodation plans. That way you have nothing to lose if the person does not turn up or the apartment turns out to be less than desirable compared to the photos. It seems like a hassle, but you could end up with a good experience no hotel could offer for the price of just trust and some enthusiasm. I got oriented on my trip by a local French person with good restaurant recommendations and had the same on a different apartment swap when staying for 2 days at Oxford.















Any of you done an apartment swap before? Any positive or negative experiences to share?















(Photos show the many sights at Eiffel Tower on clear blue skies. Its simply not just another tower like Tokyo Tower. Photos show views from the first and second level which offers different stunning vantage points of Parc Du Champ De Mars and Jardins Du Trocadero. Also the long queue to enter and the lift experience being a slanting diagonal ride).