This blogpost is inspired by the movie,"Last Chance Harvey" watched on the plane to Singapore recently. Starring Dustin Hoffman (playing Harvey), the father of a soon to be wed daughter, the movie offers a rollercoaster ride of emotions felt by Harvey who realized he has nothing left and has lost everything: his marriage, his daughter, his esteem when he is on the verge of losing his supposedly permanent job. The climax to me, was when his daughter told him that another man will replace him as dad, to walk her on the aisle. What can be more shocking than that? That has its roots in a father who felt he embarassed his family all the years and begin distancing himself away, thereby creating a vicious cycle of more distance and lost of trust. Yet, that's a very common scene in any family. Unless we admit it and do something about it, we all can be blamed one time or another for feeling embarassed by our family members. In this competitive world with high standards where we can constantly compare families, we subconsiously demonstrate how we are irked by the many things our parents and family members do. Yet, these negative responses are the very seeds that can ruin our relationships and cause more rift and more embarassment upon ourselves. Rather, we need to consciously remind ourselves to affirm those we love since they are the ones we have the tendency to feel most irritated by. All is not lost- while our parents and family members are still alive, we can undo our previous negative responses and takes steps to reaffirm our parents' esteem and demonstrate we are not embarassed by them. Love heals. It starts by making bold steps to undo past negative actions.
I am glad to admit that there is nothing to hide, that I have been embarassed by my dad since young. This is the first step to make attempts to do something about it. Unless one is conscious of the need to be sensitive with one's actions, any subtle subconscious behavior over the years will continue unnoticed. I was embarassed by my dad's inability to manage his finances, thereby creating a poverty cycle surrounding my family, before both me and my brother started working. Further, as I grew up, I felt embarassed by his manner, his thinking, his speech, his relationship with others and myself as would how Harvey's daughter and wife felt about Harvey. Yet, I did nothing to support my dad but to further my distance, thereby further hurting his esteem. A dad's esteem is further damaged when even those close to him could not lend support, even as the rest of society treats him far worse in this competitive society. Few years ago, I began realizing that I am not in the position to judge my dad. All of us are made different, and face different circumstances in life. The fact that he has not given up in life through the many challenges he faced and contributed the little he did, means a big deal actually. Instead of feeling ashamed of his little contributions, I began to feel proud and spend more time talking to him. Everytime, my dad uttered a careless phrase, I see it in the light that we are all similarly vulnerable to shortcomings. I invested more time to give him opportunities to expose to different experiences so that, he may be a better person. I am even considering to move closer to home, so that my parents could spend more time with Haruka so they would feel more a part of me and my family. Yes, it is not easy to accept someone and even endorse that person that we are proud despite their shortcomings. But, if it will make their life meaningful and build his/her self esteem, it is a loving contribution we bring to our family who loves us and has no one but us. Furthermore, our example towards our parents will be seen by our children.
How do you think we can best deal with being embarassed by our family members?
(Photos show the romantic Paris in the evening, at the Arc de Triomphe and the Pantheon Court overlooking Eiffel Tower and the Pantheon itself). 
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