Tip 215: Coaxing new habits in a baby

I watched a program about animals and how they cared for their young. A baby seal was with the mother seal on the icy surface, already independently moving around without needing the warmth of the mother. The mother knows that this is the right time to teach the baby to swim in the icy cold water under the ice surface. A hole was made on the ice. The mother seal feels the cold water and dives into the water. Then, it surfaces to look for the baby. It made constant noise for the baby to follow her. Then, it pushes the baby into the cold water and follows it. This is natural parenting. The mother did not think that the baby can swim without persistent coaxing. How else will the baby learn to swim and search for food without her mother teaching it and patiently coaxing the baby the habits needed for survival and living? Who else will the baby learn from? Even if the animals live in packs, they would only follow after their mother. Of course, there are always instances where babies separate from their parents and is cared by another female in the pack, but such is out of the ordinary.














Society has progressed that we think kids can learn on their own. We think others can do the job of caring for our babies. Yet, kids learn best from their parents. Good habits need to be learnt early in childhood, or even while the baby is 1 or 2 years old. Habits such as keeping your toys after play, learning to wait patiently and silently while someone is making a phone call, sitting attentively and listening when others speak instead of playing and distracting other children, saying good morning to everyone even when you are not in the mood, greeting everyone when you enter the home and putting back your own shoes, giving thanks for the food before eating, taking pride in keeping busy such as reading or playing independently or helping mummy in kitchen, smiling when someone looks at you (if the person looks pleasant and safe), knowing what is safe and what is dangerous before doing something or going somewhere. The list goes on and yes, it can be learnt and practiced by a 2 year old. Children may learn all these things by themselves. Yet, if the parent can share them lovingly to the child, the habits stamp a more lasting impact in their lives. If we have time for them, we need not lose our patience and instruct them or scold them. We instead can patiently coax or motivate them to inculcate these values daily. If we feel our children are just not as obedient, then it is ever more a case to spend more time with them. The mother seal definitely would feel anxious if her baby is not learning how to swim. Children will definitely catch this earlier in childhood if they caught it from their parents, instead of from their maid or from their teachers at school. Teachers play an important role as children do look up to certain teachers. But, what if they are none that they look up to or if the children seem to adore TV characters more than exemplary caring adults around them. We, parents need to play that role. If the mother seal can do it due to her God given role, why can't us? Let's do it and make this world a better place.

(Photos show Haruka in Malaysia during the Chinese New Year holidays to visit her grandparents. An uncommon beautiful large well maintained park with wild monkeys at Taman Tun Dr. Ismail, Kuala Lumpur with aunt Oy Mooi who came back from USA and heading to Sabah for good and Haruka's first lion dance).

Tip 214: Enjoying weekly church routine

Haruka now looks forward to going to church. She would ask us at night whether she will be going to church tomorrow. I attribute this to a routine that we inculcate in her early that she enjoys following. Also, the role of caring teachers in the church that made Haruka feel happy going to the church.

From age 2 years old, children begin to develop preferences and routines that they enjoy sticking to. For instance, they may be unhappy if their parents do not read to them at night, if such a routine has been started. The babies have discovered that they can decide which are the activities to fill their lives. They discovered the power of saying no and the power of saying "please, papa". They begin to value certain food and certain activities more than others. Yet, it is at an early age at 1 year old, that they developed these preferences and how to value the different experiences in their lives. Hence, exposing kids early to praise worthy activities, healthy food and noble deeds can yield good returns in the future.

I observe the kids around me. As they grow up, they may prefer to stay home to play playstation or computer games. They may prefer to not step out of the comfort of their homes to go to church. They may find Sunday School and church boring as they may not have developed an appreciation of such activity and not enjoyed a church routine.













Hence, parents play a role to develop such a love in their kids early. Hopefully, this love will continue to blossom such that the foundation will never be shaken should the child be exposed with other competing pleasures and wants in this world, as well as when the child moves to a new place where such familiarity and routines are different.













I thank Mariko Tanzawa-sensei for being caring for all her students in her class. Haruka looks up to her for teaching her every week. She mentions the teacher's name at home and I am sure her stories will continue in length as she becomes more and more talkative and spends more time to reflect on her past day as she grows up.













It is not easy for daddy to find a church that would suit mummy and baby. It is probably less important for daddy to find a church that fits him as he feels happy as long as the whole family is well grounded in a weekly church routine. I thank God that He has given me a strong foundation in my youth, so I can lead my family to do the same.













(Photos show Haruka practicing as a sheep in a Christmas play and a Kid's party/camp at church member's condo on labour's day holiday)

Tip 213: Regular exercises at playground

Like adults, babies and kids need to exercise. We assume our kids are usually active and running around when we are not with them. We assume they have full of energy and is so youthful like we were when we were much younger. Yet, kids these days may prefer to watch the TV, watch youtube on the Internet on our computers, draw and write, read their books or simply play their toys at the comfort of the home. Even if they go to kindergarten or play school or to the babysitters, there is no guarantee that they are interested to run around and play. They may prefer to sit at the side and watch others run under the sun or simply stay indoors. It may seem unnecessary to be in control of our child's activities all the time. We assume they will develop an interest later for activities that most kids their age will enjoy. Yes, they would. But, it is also necessary for parents to keep a close eye on their kids physical and athletic
development. There is a role for parents to motivate their kids and expose them to the different types of play and exercises. Probably, boys may develop their own sense of play and exercises better than girls. Hence, a dad needs to show his daughter how to climb and how best to utilize the different facilities at the playground. For instance, when Haruka was playing at the slide, I just needed to suggest to her that she can put her hands on the railingand swing. She tried it out and enjoyed it. Sometimes, some of the facilities requires climbing and Haruka is unsure if she can do it. She is unsure of how to step certain climbing railings. I guide her legs and hands when I encourage her to climb. I stand behind her to catch her if she loses a grip. Or I do it in front of Haruka like a big daddy monkey and gives Haruka a glimpse of how it can be done. It is up to her if she takes up my challenge to do it. Else, I will wait for her to gather enough courage to do it at her next play time. What if daddy was not there? I think it will be less motivating and less supportive for Haruka to do her own exercises. Our presence do make a difference. Some kids may be more independent and creative than others. Some kids may depend on our presence to guide them to make the most of the facilities, toys and books around them to learn and maximize their full potential.

(Photos show Haruka at her first hand swing exercise at 2 years old with daddy clapping at the background)

Tip 212: Kids stage shows at malls

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It is amazing that these days, you can bring your kids to stage shows of their favourite cartoon or kids program character such as Barney or Spongebob. It can even be a free 30 minute show event at a shopping mall holding a sales event to attract shoppers to their shopping mall simply to entertain their kids. Most of the time, these shopping malls will not restrict entrance to kids to watch the shows for free. Some malls may have priority seating or photo taking with the characters if you purchase a certain shopping amount. But, this is still so much cheaper than a paid USD$80 ticket to a 2-3 hour show that the kid will find too long anyway. Why waste the money when you can get it for free?













As parents, we sacrifice the luxury of watching stage shows or cinema movies, especially if we have few people to depend on to babysit our kids. This is mostly true if you are living abroad, far away from family or even is new to a place and is unsure of how to locate reliable and trustworthy babysitters.














When I was at London, I was so looking forward to catch a musical theatre of Phantom of the Opera or Cats. But, kids under 12 years old were not permitted. We were even looking out for stage shows that were suitable for kids and even then, most shows were only open for kids above 4-6 years old.














Such kids shows do increase the curiosity, imagination and ambition of a child. To a certain extent, it does expand their wants list and daddy is trying now to teach Haruka to be content and patient. At a young age, if the kids are exposed to the variety of possible shows and fun they can see face to face, their concept of reality expands and they will dream bigger dreams. I tell Haruka to dance well since SpongeBob was giving out free souvenirs to kids who raise their hands up and dance. She did not win anything that day, but now she has a higher motivation to learn new skills everyday.

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(Photos shot around Christmas 2009 showing the family at a free photo session with free printed photos of SpongeBob Squarepants and friends from the Bikini Bottom at my office building mall during lunch, Astro Boy/Mighty Atom and Uran at a shopping mall catered for Japanese shoppers; and Barney and Friends singing all the favourites that Haruka was singing along and relating to the character names she knows well).

Tip 211: Apply for something & document your life

I just had time to relax after a busy day filling forms. That's the life of a daddy who runs the family abroad and relocates his beloved wife and daughter from their familiar territory. I guess I can't complain too much as my daughter is growing up well and mummy is taking good care of her. I just finished documenting all of the information I have entered in the forms I filled earlier into my personal library. I looked into my folders and see tonnes of scanned documents in folders named Malaysia, Japan, Hong Kong and Singapore. All of this forms part of my wealth of experience and knowledge. It defines my life. I reflect back and can only attribute this to the act of applying. It can be for a new job, a university course, a contest, a home loan, a scholarship or even for entry into a country.














Only by applying, will you seek for information and if you are diligent like me, you could document them. Then, the next time, a form requires you to answer your Student ID and addresses of all your universities, or your previous company addresses and salary amounts, or your children birthcert numbers, you have them all ready. Unlike some, I never need to go back to search for my passport for its expiry date because I have them all at my finger tips.














I can say that I am quite an application guru now. To a certain degree, applications can cause some stress when you have not established a base where you started gathering information since young. For instance, do you keep information about your vaccination history during childhood on the types and dates of vaccination? The less you have tracked since the start of your education, the more likely it may haunt you one day when you start making applications.














We live in a mobile world these days and different countries have different information requirements we thought unlikely. Even if we do not start documenting our own life records, we may want to do that for our children to keep thorough records of everything. Or would we want to disappoint our grandchildren one day simply because we are not as savvy in keeping track with our life records and unable to stay with our children to care for their children? :)














Ok, I do think too far ahead for my age. Its hard to suddenly start documenting. As mentioned, make more attempts to apply for something. It can be for a new credit card, an exam for a new language or a new club association if we think that further education and migration are for the adventurous. It is because when we do start applying, our life grows and it may never stop growing as we document and reflect whenever possible. Of course, God is behind our every longing to grow as we seek after His grace in such applications.














(Photos show Haruka sitted at a sofa at church having her photo taken by pastor Keigo Ohtani, her latest fan and second photo showing Haruka with sunglasses at the Marina at Keppel Bay, and next along Clarke Quay riverside admiring a cute dog and being admired by the dog's owner).

Tip 210: Discover quicker better options daily

I blogged previously about the need to learn crucial business processes when moving to a new place. There is just so much to do these days that daddy can benefit when doing things quicker and getting faster and better results. Many would criticize of the approach to search for shortcuts in life. Yet, when you are already working hard and doing many things, it does help when you know shortcuts, so you can accomplish more in life. Of course, it is necessary to also know what the long route is and visualize it, so one has a better understanding of others and appreciation of the benefits of finding better options. One such example is how I could get my Permanent Resident (PR) status in just 2.5 months, when others who do not know better, may take up to 5-8 months. This has less to do with qualification, but how to be on top of the bureaucratic and online application system.















When I first applied for my PR, I realized that one has to book an appointment online and the calendar showed that the next available appointment to just submit the application and documents was in 3 months! I was surprised by the number of applications and then figured out that probably some people would have missed their appointments and the online system ought to show the new available earlier time slots. Yet, I checked and could not find them. So I wrote to the PR officer and he informed me that the system does replenish earlier time slots and I just need to look for them. Then, it dawned on me that I needed to search them at night after the system batch job replenishes those time slots that has been cancelled by other users online. I checked at 9pm and found an appointment in the next 2 days. I wrote to thank the PR officer after 2 months and said I am looking forward to be a PR soon and probably got a quicker approval by highlighting my application. Again, there was a need to book an appointment to collect the Identity card when the approval letter is received and the next available appointment date was again 2 months in the future. I followed the same method and checked the calendar at night and found the next available appointment in 2 days time. I figured out that there must be many immigration agents who start booking appointments when they start work at 8am and did not do so when the IT batch job replenishes the appointments in the system around 9-12 at night. If a typical applicant would just select the next available appointment each time which would be roughly in 2 months time ahead, the applicant would already have taken 4 months plus the time necessary for approval which could be 1-4 months, making the whole application period to be 5-8 months time. Then, there is the possibility of having clashing schedules since such an advanced date may welcome new events in life that may require canceling this appointment to fulfill PR duties. Besides this, it is also necessary to get the right photo types and be prepared to make medical check ups quickly upon receiving the PR approval letter. It just shows that when you do the right steps, you can save so much time. Time is money because when I got my PR, I got additional CPF contribution from my employer as well as subsidised rates at government hospitals/clinics.














These are probably some of the things our children may not realize that daddy can do to make things better for them. There are many things a daddy does that does not get mentioned on father's day.














(Photos show more Singapore zoo trips that Haruka enjoys).

Tip 209: A vision of achievements

At 2 years old, Haruka is growing up well. She has interest to learn and has the attention span to concentrate on minor lessons. I am sure part of it is due to her intelligence and ability to observe and grasp new lessons. Another part is due to her dad providing her a vision of her achievements. When kids play, they begin to learn how to play, understand the objectives of play, derive satisfaction from it, imagine role play and envision different outcomes from the play time. The child observes daddy, mummy and others close to their heart and want to be as clever and as strong as them. They believe that by reading picture books or by playing toys, they not only amuse themselves, but also learn to be like daddy or mummy. They begin to develop a vision or ambition to achieve something more each day.



















A child learns through play. But it is through communication with others during play that the child learns better what to expect out of play. For instance, a child may have learnt how to combine lego blocks together to form a larger block. But unless the child is exposed to the different designs and construction possible, the child may be limited in his/her vision to see what the possibilities are. It is not about pampering the child with too much time spent together. At some point in time, the child needs to learn to play alone, learn independence and to think on his/her own. Yet, just 5-10 minutes during each play, it can be worthwhile to point the child in the right direction. To provide a vision of possible achievements, to communicate ambitions and examples of good values and admirable deeds. These are powerful images that would assist the child to dream and to imagine. Then, the child will learn how to create such visions on their own. I would for instance build a new lego design and structure at the beginning of Haruka's play and create a story behind this design and structure. If I have the time, I would point to Haruka the new type of design I tried, so she could review such new design concepts. After a while, she prefers to play on her own and feels daddy is imposing his designs on her. Then, it may take just daddy's presence to play by her side to praise her for her new creations and suggest to her what she can do to make the lego structure more interesting without doing it for her. The vision is painted and it is fun to admire it together and creatively consider the different possibilities.



















I do the same when encouraging good behavior in Haruka. I create a vision that Haruka will be praised by her teacher and students at Sunday School. I remind her of how it felt when she stood on the stage in front of the church and recognized as a member of Sunday School with applause from everyone. I praised her on how well she smiled when she stood on the stage and she should increase her good deeds and well manners, so that she will have that pleasure again on stage. When she was younger and could not envision such grander ambitions, I would just point her to a fun role of being a Barney girl. I am sure all this impacts her creative thinking .

(Photos show Haruka at Singapore Botanic Garden, the only botanic garden with many awards that opens the longest hours, yet not charge any admission fee.