Tip 190: Reasoning your way to a 1 year old

After 1 year old, the child grows bold to express his/her feelings and begin to be stubborn and always quick to yell "No!" or cry. Why did the child do that? Because they wanted their way and thought that playing tantrums can control the outcome and probably had succeeded on some occasions in the past. It is quite natural for parents to feel their authority challenged and feel that it is important to teach the baby as early as possible that tantrums do not pay. Depending on the child's personality, some would yield to such stern teaching. Some children however would want to wage a battle with daddy or mummy till both tire out. I blogged previously about motivating using positive words and actions that a 1 year old could understand. The next step is to tailor this approach through a story the child can understand which forms the reason the child would accept. When done often, the child would learn to think about what is right and wrong and be reasonable. Discipline is necessary, but there is a place for reasoning if you have some patience. It can be fun in fact. Communication when satisfying both parties is always fun. It is always Win Win! Daddy and mummy win, Baby wins.

I am amused that Haruka enjoys watching the kids program where a shoe, cup or other objects has eyes and mouth and can talk and smile. It does not alter her reality and she probably knows that it is just cartoon for entertainment. Yet, it captivates her attention to learn. Similarly, the way we reason to our 1 year old with lots of animation and positive and fun words can command more attention and maybe even obedience. Barney can be our role model! Don't you think so? What can we learn from Barney - his gentle and enthusiastic tone of voice, his animated and energetic body language, lots of smiles and lots of stories. Here is how I persuaded Haruka to sleep early at night.

Daddy: It is time to sleep, Haruka.
Haruka: No! (yells)
Daddy: Do you know where you are going tomorrow? (attention grabbing and stimulates 2 way conversation)
Haruka: Playcenter?
Daddy: Yes. Do you like to play with your friends?
Haruka: Mmm. (yes but silently knowing daddy has not ended the sleep topic yet.)
Daddy: Are you going to sleep early now?
Haruka: Ok.

Daddy switches off light and Haruka did not cry or yell. In the dark, she continued to play and talk to herself. But at least, the TV and light is already off. This scene could have changed between two people shouting Yes and No. Also, this scene could be innovatively altered such as "Wow, all the boys and girls in Barney show sleeps early. Do you want to be a Barney girl?". It could be a childish reasoning, but one which a 1 year old would be happy to accept.

(Photos show the Yokohama Hakkeijima Sea Paradise we went on the same day the family outdoor portrait were taken. A whole day entrance passport of 4900 yen to this amusement park may not be worthwhile, but the entrance to the vast aquariums is just 2700 yen).

Tip 189: Do not give up going church

Hebrews 10:25,"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Its not easy as new parents living a new life, having to be independent and to care for more than our ownselves for the first time. The baby introduces many new difficulties such as falling ill, or just the very fact that we can be tired and moody with all the housechores and stress. Sometimes, church can even be a baby unfriendly place so you do not fit in well after being a young parent. There could be other challenges such as disagreements with our spouse, the extra burden to carry an extra child to church and many others. We may feel the need to rest during the weekend or to use it to renew loving bonds with our spouse and want a break from church. Yet, it is honorable that we choose to go to church and avoid sticking to the habit to skip church too often.

I can understand the challenges. I was constantly adapting to a new place in London or Hong Kong and seeking to settle down in a new church. My wife felt uncomfortable in some of the new churches and it did give us stress. Add the stress of needing to master a new environment and to know where to shop, where to find places to eat. So, it is very tempting to give up on church. Yet, His grace is sufficient for us always. At times of such stress, God is there to offer us a double portion of rest and blessing. By not giving up, we could finally find joy in God's teaching in church, as well as the love offered by the fellowship of God's people. We need not judge ourselves too harshly or judge others who do not attend church due to such family challenges. Yet, when we seek to honor God, we will find rest. Its the rainbow of hope after the storm. A pleasant refuge that we did not expect, available to those who are faithful. Rather, its God's faithfulness to us than our own efforts lest we should boast. Look past the problems, step into the promised land and let go off our burdens.

(Photos show the final photos of our outdoor family portrait taken with a Nikon D700).

Tip 188: Yearn to breathe clean air

I have lived in different cities and begin to cherish clean air as I compare the different cities. Before working in Tokyo, I was told that Tokyo is a cramped, busy and polluted city. Of course, no one can deny that if witnessing for the first time the crowd at Shibuya crossing in Tokyo. Yet, I find Tokyo to be pleasantly green and offering quite a lot of sights of clear blue skies, as well as personal space. It is of course no where near the perfect blue skies of Hawaii where I was staying for 1 year when undertaking my MBA. Then, one level down is Ishigaki, Okinawa where I make my yearly pilgrimage to meet my in laws. So, when my family came to Hong Kong, we did find the air quality quite a shock. It made us appreciate clean air more.

I probably haven't seen the worst of air pollution. Wikipedia lists Cairo, Delhi, Calcutta, Tianjin, Chongqing and Jakarta to be the most air polluted cities in the world in 2004. I could only imagine as I have experienced the haze in Kuala Lumpur originating from the forest fires in Indonesia and the daily smog in Hong Kong coming from the factories of Shenzen and Guangzhou. It just feels unhealthy when your throat is dry after walking in the open air and your mood is affected by the cloud of smoke in the skies.

A BBC article in 2006, wrote,"In London and Tokyo, air quality has improved over the last 50 years. In Shanghai and Kuala Lumpur, it has gone down, though there are signs of improvement elsewhere in the developing world. It has happened in Delhi, for example, where there has been a huge improvement in air quality by substituting liquefied petroleum gas [LPG] for diesel in vehicles. Partly it is just that as cities become richer they can clean their act up, but it's also how vocal the middle classes become, which in India counts in a way it doesn't yet in China". So, we all can do something indeed and not just let city mayors breathe down our necks with polluted air! As I prayerfully consider where my family would settle down for good (for the next few years at least), I yearn to breath clean air again.

(Photos show more of our outdoor family portrait in clean air. In the BBC report, Tokyo ranks 57th most polluted city despite having the highest population among the other cities, while London and New York sits at 91st and 96th place, respectively.)

Tip 187: Hum a tune and guess the song

Some people hum more than others. I do hum in my solitude if I do not prefer to sing while cycling or walking. I find it helps to sharpen my senses. As I googled, I found that Mozart hummed when he composed. Many others attest that humming make a positive difference in mood and memory.

While carrying Haruka, sometimes I hum without realizing it. Haruka has also gotten to the habit of humming to entertain herself. I think that's great as it can instill creativity with the raw ingredient that each of us has - our voice and sounds our body can make. As she orchestrates her way to make music or to recall songs she has heard, she is entertaining herself and developing her mental abilities.

One evening when it was getting late while we walk, there was little conversation that I could initiate to point Haruka to her dark surroundings. So while carrying her, I hummed 'Happy Birthday'. Then, I asked her "what song is this?" Amazingly, she guessed it right.

Parenting can be full of joy when you discover new heights and developments in your baby for the first time. Its always a pleasure to hear your baby's first words or to witness your baby's first steps.











I was so excited that I hummed a few other nursery rhymes Haruka would know and she guessed some of them correctly. For those she forgot, I reminded her. This got her a little more interested in singing nowadays. I am sure it's good for improving memory at an early age. Plus, I hope she finds joy in discovering the beauty of music.

Nowadays, Haruka is making different noises as she repeat words or tunes to herself. She has discovered that one way to quick memory is through audibly vocalizing them repeatedly. Hope I have not started her on a bad habit, but maybe she can learn other new ways later.

(Photos show Haruka in her Okinawan jinbei, in additional to the other outdoor family photos).

Tip 186: Outdoor family portrait

Next to words, photos conjure a powerful image of reality. I am glad to have captured beautiful memories at my wedding studio photos, Haruka's 100 day photos and Haruka's 1 year old photos.











Yet, another opportunity arose recently. With time on my hands, I volunteered to a budding photographer who wanted to have profile photos for her website. She offered her photo taking services, in return that I granted her permission to use the photos. (Tokyo is not such an expensive city after all.) I thought - its no different from the studios who would also be keeping the negative of the photos and yet charge you for them.











I never had an outdoor family portrait. I didn't know it can be so refreshing and natural. Green and flowers can make any family photos bright and warm. Plus, the photographer had an eye to snap the many photos we liked. I got to know her from online classifieds. Yeap, the power of Internet to bring people together these days. This photographer probably did not want to be in an awkward position seeking volunteers among her friends. Especially in Japan where little requests made would add less complicacy to relationships. On the Internet, one can easily find a good demand and supply match.











I may be bias but I think foreign photographers are more bold to request for good poses from their subjects which makes for better photos. Japanese photographers can be too polite sometimes. Different angles and positions can make a big difference to photos.

That of course also means more time spent which can test one's patience or wakefulness. Glad Haruka was wide awake and in fact, very excited being in a park. In fact, we even went to a sea park with dolphins before the photo shoot. Haruka timed her nap perfectly during the train journey in between. We also tried to ask Haruka to sleep early, telling her there was a dolphin show the next morning, but she only relented to please us by a few minutes earlier than her usual schedule. Hope she appreciates all these photos daddy has put up in the blog. A place where daddy can be remembered, even as children has less attachment to daddies usually. So at my blog, I document the unseen acts and good intentions of daddy.

(Photos show more family shots at Namiki-chuo park, Kanazawa, Yokohama. More in the coming posts).

Tip 185: Claim your free Skype call

I am a late adopter of Skype. By now, most people know that Skype allows you to make free phone calls using the internet if both the callers have installed the free skype software onto their computer.











But like many others, I did not install it on my company laptop. Nor my personal laptop as I avoid installing unnecessary applications on it. Also, wanted to avoid unnecessary calls that would pop up on my laptop when I am already spending too much time on many distractive online activities as complained by my wife. I have too public a profile that if it cost nothing to call me, recruiters from everywhere would call me without even going through my resume thoroughly. When making overseas calls or calls home, I would buy an international call card whereever I am. It can be a hassle when you suddenly want to make a call and has an expired card. Some places like London or Europe do not have 24 hour convenience stores. So you end up buying spare calling cards for emergencies. There are some call plans that allow topping up call credit using the credit card. Though the best local call rates are not offered, but instead more expensive call rates from the country the call card was registered previously. If I wanted to get the local rates, I would need to register using a local credit card which I would not have. Sorry, to bore you with all the technicalities.











Recently, I had to call someone while the person was on vacation and he mentioned that the line could be clearer through skype using the Internet than through his cellphone. So I installed skype. I did not expect it to be so hassle free, quick and the additional software did not add burden to my PC. The call was surprisingly clear as well.











Plus, the kiasu in me was delighted with the offer by skype of a free phone call to any non-skype users within 30 days of the software download. So I got a free 14 minute phone call to Malaysia to my mother's LAN line at Petaling Jaya. Skype me at philchlee if you know me, but please leave an introduction message and email address in case I could not identify you by your ID.











(Photos show more photos taken with Nikon D 700 at my first family outdoor portrait).

Tip 184: Earthquake preparedness in Tokyo

There were two earthquake incidents recently in Tokyo in just a span of 3 days, measuring a magnitude of 6.5 and another at 6.9. It didn't feel scary but it would be when we compare it to the destruction caused by the Great Hanshin or Kobe earthquake in 1995 that measured 7.3.











Thank God that our apartment unit survived with everything intact. Actually, the whole of Tokyo metopolis was little affected by the tremor. Most buildings and structures there had already undergone seismic retrofitting and comply to earthquake resistant standards. In fact, tall buildings were fitted with Malaysian natural rubber blocks to absorb shocks based on advanced Japanese earthquake engineering principles. When previously selecting an apartment unit, I followed Tomomi's advice to get a ground floor unit that is by the side that allows for quick escaping. It is good that Japan, especially Tokyo has a high degree of preparedness, but as daddies, there are other household seismic safety and preparations to be aware of. Previously blogged briefly on typhoons and earthquakes here, but this post contains more tips.











First, is the preparation of an emergency kit. It can be simple comprising mainly bottled water, battery powered torch and radio, whistle and some first aid supplies. This probably is more important for countries like America where convenience stores and vending machines are far away. For Japan, this kit would only be useful while you are being trapped in the building, God forbid that happening.











Next is to train the family through earthquake drills. If the child has not already undergone such training in school, many centers in Japan have earthquake simulations of the different magnitudes. Then, when the actual incident happens, everyone would be quick to duck and cover under a table. Most fatalities occur due to broken bones caused by falling objects or shattering glasses. Hence, arranging furniture with this in mind and securing high objects carefully can prevent such dangers.

Next, is to wear shoes and do a house check of potential dangers within the house of falling objects and fire. It may be safer to stay within safe distances to the exit while waiting indoors if the building is secure, than to panic and be crushed by human stampede or be injured by falling bricks elsewhere. By following government announcement, head to the designated earthquake evacuation center for supplies and shelter till the situation is declared safe.

It can be that straightforward and the rest would depend on circumstance and common sense to tackle them. Our life and death are after all in God's hands. I left out many specifics, but feel free to add other tips to the list.

(Photo taken with a Nikon D700 camera by an experienced photographer shows Haruka at a park near Namiki-chuo station, Kanazawa-ku, Yokohama. More family photos to come).

Tip 183: Explain while doing in front of baby

Haruka is already getting "too talkative". She repeats after whatever we say, ask questions, talks by herself, points at pictures and advertisements and alerts us to have a look. She has gotten confident of talking and do not mind speaking loudly so that others can listen. She would express what she wants without reservation. Previously, we realized she was only talkative when speaking at home, while only offering smiles and bye-byes to strangers. Now, she has gotten bolder. We have gotten comments that she is quite advanced in her speaking considering she is just 1 year old. Girls usually speak more than boys. Though, I think our constant communication with Haruka aided the learning process.












One method of communication with babies is to simply explain what you do in front of the baby. The baby is curious and eager to learn. So, just show and tell whenever its convenient. If you are opening the curtains, tell the baby, "papa is going to open the curtains". Sometimes, I even add, "papa is going to turn on the TV now, ok?" I realized by doing this often, Haruka now follows the same conversation pattern by asking permission when she wants to do something. The baby feels involved in whatever you do. The baby values the respect we give her and knows that we are teaching her patiently. In turn, she wants to learn quickly so she could communicate well. Each time her vocabulary improves by listening. Sometimes, I would test her by questioning if she remembered. "What was papa doing?" Haruka would repeat the previous vocabulary heard. Often times, the vocabulary has stayed even after many days due to an early revision.












Though, too much talking can be annoying in some cultures like Japan. I am not sure what happens next and whether at a certain stage we should teach Haruka to be exercising discretion in her speech. For now, she just loves to talk and learn as much. We fuel her passion as much as we can.

(Photos show Haruka playing at Tokyu Kiddy playland, Shibuya at the roof of the building with a new friend she met. It is summer and we can hear the cicada/semi in Japanese blaring whenever we walk on the streets. There are just too many cicadas around that there are just not enough children to catch them all).