Tip 116: Understanding the networking habit

I wrote about networking previously, but thought of sharing more as I read a helpful article entitled, "Tracking the habits of elite networkers". The term "Networking" does have some ill perceptions to certain people, who may equate them to multi level marketing habits, or the habits of ultra extroverted individuals who have nothing better to do than spend time away from their families to meet their obsessed emotional need for companionship, or idealistic dream to know every human on this planet. In this sense then, daddies with different priorities need not be networking. But I beg to differ and would state instead that effective and efficient networking is part and parcel of today's age of mass production, digitalization and globalization. While knowledge is an important asset of transaction, so is the ability to leverage on human social relationship through massive networks. If we believe in the power of internet and blogging, we need to learn to understand and inculcate the power of mass networks. The world has integrated so much that you simply would be keeping a huge gap from the rest of the world if you are determined to keep a private life. This is what I term the social divide, being not so different from digital divide or knowledge divide quoted from wikipedia. In other words, you would be no different from someone who believes that the Internet is evil, or that education is unnecessary, or that having a car or travelling on planes are not necessary in this life. I know that these are strong statements, but I hope I can convince you further through my sharings. If you feel more comfortable as an introvert, you need not be changing to an extrovert but simply need to know the power of networking and inculcate a networking habit that you are comfortable with. The bottom line is that you need to keep track of the people you have known and make attempts to nurture these relationships and preferably use technologies on the Internet to maintain them, if not enlarge the network further. Some may argue that big is not necessarily better, but larger networks mean you leverage across more people who could present you with more opportunities. Sadly (to some), the world has gotten into this mass production psyche that big, quick and efficient is always the better route. Daddies thus need to be open to the idea that networking is not only necessary for scouting job opportunities, but to learn to like the idea and habit of networking, being no different than the habit of being on the internet.

I must say that I am surely not an ultra extrovert. I thank God each day for the many opportunities He has granted me, many of which I do not deserve. I am far from sophisticated, even if I have traveled or worked in a few countries and speak a few languages. There are still so many areas I need to improve in, and habits that I need to inculcate to match the expectations of the people who have given me these opportunities. Even when I have 8000 contacts on my LinkedIn profile, I only started this account in 2005, but had previously spent a lot of time to add contacts by writing polite messages to people I do not know, or through gathering lots of business cards in networking events. LinkedIn is such that it is less personal than facebook, and focuses more on leveraging professional contacts and many in the networking habit know that the larger your quality network, the more opportunities you could get. Let me give you an example. A few days ago, I got an email from McKinsey research in Boston who emailed me that they were conducting a research on document management systems and wanted to get my opinion by paying me USD$100 for 1 hour of my time over the phone. I am surely far from being an authoritative voice in this domain (though the interviewer seem to know not too much either). Yet, because I took the efforts to specify as much details in my resume on LinkedIn, people could easily locate me and offer me opportunities such as this. It does make a difference that I did not say no. Same goes for the freelance market research work that I undertake on countries such as Japan and Malaysia. It helps to have a strong network on LinkedIn to be able to contact people from different industries including the sciences, arts or whatever there is in this world. The more specialized the field, the higher the wages for such projects. Do we necessarily need to get into many unnecessary projects? Maybe its no different than the question of do you necessarily need to blog or be on facebook? Opportunities and extra projects are certainly useful in recessionary periods such as now. It certainly does not hurt to have another acquantaince or friend in another country and if you spend the extra minute to keep in touch, it may not necessarily be a waste of time. Sometimes when you make that extra effort to network, you think to yourself, are you kidding yourself to write an email or message to someone whom you have not contacted for a while, or even to a stranger you have not met to establish networks because you believe such positive efforts could only bring goodwill. Just do it. You would never know, if you never try. And if you did not get good results, do not dismay. The current mentality of mass production is to make the effort and possibly 1 in 10 or 1 in a 100 attempts, would bear good fruit. The networking habit is to cherish that fruit and continue on. Some do it because it is a competitive market today which necessitates such habits, some do it because they have tasted the fruit and loved it.

Are you on LinkedIn? If yes, add me if you have not already done so. If not, try opening an account and leave a comment when you do taste the fruit one day through patience.

(Photos show St Paul's Cathedral, London. Can you find Haruka in any sections of this monstrously large cathedral?)

Tip 115: I was there for you

These are the magic words necessary to keep the family engine moving smoothly. A family is no different from a car that needs regular servicing. (This is spoken to the male audience as daddies need to think in such practical terms). In fact, most families will either need a daily, weekly or monthly servicing. It is necessary to check if the engine and brake oils are sufficient, else on long journeys, the car would break down suddenly causing immense inconvenience, loss and even possible disastrous accidents. Regular servicing entails checking the emotional, physical and spiritual state of the family to know that no built up frustrations of unmet needs could cause major arguments which can be avoided in the first place. Most of the time, it is daddy’s fault for not playing by mummy’s rules. Some of the times, it is mummy’s fault for getting too emotional to forget that daddy did try his best or that both mummy and daddy are not perfect beings and each need time to understand new perspectives in life. All families have their squabbles and frustrations. We live under pressure each day chasing after a dream lifestyle that is broadcasted live through the mass media and literature. Technology, knowledge and wealth have grown so much over the centuries, enabling longer distances to be travelled, mass production and customizations to be performed across different countries, increasing learning and understanding of different cultures and different peoples’ lives. The immense productivity and improved standards of living have created huge gaps between different family income patterns, increasing expectations for a good life not just in terms of material possessions, but also the kind of happiness we see on TV soap operas of the ideal family we wish to have, instead of being happy and thankful for what we have. Hence, the need for regular family communication to realign expectations back to reality and work together through a common understanding. That’s a big word for many daddies and we shall just call it regular servicing. I have found that one key method in this servicing job is to constantly spend time to reaffirm your wife and children that you were there for them by giving them examples and will be there always as have been. You may have spent time going shopping or even on a beautiful holiday with your family, yet you still need 15-30 minutes a week to have time for regular servicing.

Yes, women can be forgetful. Or they pretend to be forgetful to feed their emotional need. Yet, to function well as a family, the car needs servicing. Sorry to reemphasize this always as it sounds more technically feasible when you see it as an important man job to do. So, every week, I remind myself to remember the times when I was thoughtful, the times when I fill the gaps in childcare when my wife is not feeling well, the times when she has a family affair or friend situation that she needed to confide in me. Then, I would find a quiet place and a suitable time to have a good chat with my wife to remind her that I was there for her and will be there for her as always. During this servicing time, besides replacing the engine oil, I also try to check the condition of the car if there are any other problems that need further servicing by asking my wife how she was doing. Is she coping well in a new country, in the new home, in making new friends or in taking care of Haruka? Maybe she would say the kitchen light needs fixing and she told me last week but I was busy then. Or there was an interesting development in Haruka that she wanted to tell me. This give her an opportunity to speak to me instead of feeling frustrated that whatever she says to me, always goes to deaf ears or that she has no time to share any frustrations to me. If I know I will be busy in the coming week and possibly miss a car servicing session, I will tell her in advanced so she would understand or know that she would need to interrupt me if she needs to talk to me instead of expecting me to take the proactive step to stop my work and talk to her. Then, the next day, I will get a good dinner. That’s because the car is functioning well now with the new oil replaced.

Don’t you daddies need to make it a point to put in your calendar that the car needs servicing? Ladies, any other points to note during the car servicing session?

(Photos show Greenwich town featuring the Royal Observatory (up the hill where the Greenwich Prime Meridian line starts, the Royal Naval College and National Maritime Museum)

Tip 114: Remain vigilant A.L.E.R.T. as recession bites

Vigilant is not such a common word and I looked it up and it means to be watchful, alert, observant and attentive for danger or trouble. It was a good advice by Allister Heath in his article entitled, "A tough year looms as recession bites', 23/12/2008 in City A.M., a free daily I got each morning at Canary Wharf. Allister, the editor said, "We must remain vigilant and not assume that the government will make the economy better. It is just as likely to make it even worse." Allister said that governments could be saddled with lots of bad debts, forcing them to print more money and cause inflation even in the midst of a recession, leading banks to charge high rates for lending, causing the whole credit system to crumble and the government to step in to regulate currency and credit in socialist style. He did admit that many of his views could be too pessimistic, but there is much need for vigilance and to expect 2009 to be a tough year and not to underestimate the severity of the recession. I did not want to highlight this earlier, so that this blog post now will gain more acceptance, together with the other posts I blogged before the full blown nature of the recession about the need to S.A.V.E. (17/9/2008) and to be cautiously optimistic (7/10/2008). Even when things look up slightly, one should ensure that the right principles govern our actions such that we do not fall into any trap that we should regret. Such traps such as stock market rebounds, purchasing properties without sufficient savings, making large investments in business without adequate capital or studying the market well, making large financial commitments such as moving to a new country by spending a fortune in children education and accomodations without subsidy from the company. The bottom line is do not be greedy and excessively ambitious without sufficient savings. But, what are practical steps to be vigilant to ensure we are safe? They are actually the same advice that Jesus and the apostles gives to Christians to be vigilant against the enemy Satan, against temptations and against false teachings which is to have sufficient knowledge, be always prayerful and guard against our excessiveness and sinful nature, knowing ourselves well, be contented and not chase after the unnecessary and knowing dangers to avoid. I have coined another acronym A.L.E.R.T. (Acquire knowledge, Learn about ourselves, be at Ease with what we have, Reflect and act slowly, stay clear from the Tempters).

I am not an expert in religion, nor business. Though, I believe we learn more and receive more when we strive to give the little we have, hence this humble attempt to provide tips I find helpful as I reflect. In times of recession, the decisions that we make are especially important since a wrong move causes a greater fall, a slight mistake incurs a larger loss, a bad business strategy would not invite any small profits as would in a boom economy. Hence the need to Acquire knowledge and not trust a single source or from what people say (including my blog). Spend time to read about economics, your work industry, global business, how interest rates and currency would affect your financial decisions, why its important to check on rental yields before buying a property. This will ensure you make decision based on good principles and sound research and not just by following the herd or by your own emotions. It is equally important that we Learn about ourselves and remember how we perform in good times and bad times and be confident about our roles and identity. This will help us to prioritize on what is important taking account of our strengths and weaknesses, understand that we are not the same as others and should not necessarily follow the example of others if we are not ready. The Christian would remember that there is only one example to emulate which is Christ Jesus and that we are sufficiently loved by God that we need not be worried and be making any decisions to receive love through other means. It is hence important to be contented and be at Ease with the things that we have. In fact, we should always be thankful and count our blessings and not chase after unnecessary pleasures. This will ensure our decisions are made without greed or a desire to have more, but on an objective basis. We should instead be slow in making decisions but to spend more time to Reflect on the outcome of the decision so that we may not fall into any excessiveness. Dangerous times are certainly not times to make rash decisions, to gamble in currencies and stocks or any financial instrument without first assessing the options carefully. Last but not least, the need to be in the right crowd of people with a careful outlook of life and to steer away from those who could or would Tempt us to make incorrect decisions or vices. For the Christian, it is certainly times to be praying more, to read the bible and adhere to the teachings to avoid all kinds of vices and sinful habits, to be contented with God and seek to discover the purpose He has for us which is to be a blessing to others. Difficult times are meant for us to consolidate ourselves to reflect, trim away excessiveness and question the need for them, reprioritise based on a better understanding of ourselves and if possible seek after the right path that we may reap blessings when the time is right. It may be a time to think about being a good daddy and husband and how to lay good foundations so we can move forward even in better times. It may seem like a strong message, but the bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5:8) There is a time for extra vigilance against temptations and the time is probably now, though ideally we should of course be on guard at all times.

Don't you think each of us need to put extra efforts to be vigilant? In this age of excessiveness, vigilance is less exercised than the instinct to consume lavishly and act quickly. My faithful readers, what do you think?

(Photos show Buckingham Palace, Royal Exchange, the Gherkin and Bank of England, symbols of power, wealth and financial strength of England. Soli Deo Honor Et Gloria, the coat of arms at a gate to St Helen's Place meaning All glory and Honor to God alone, used by a 16th century Spanish mystic and poet St John of the Cross).

Tip 113: Understanding learning languages

It’s a joy to see a baby grow up learning how to communicate, picking up new languages and understanding communication. Many people often ask me whether my baby would grow up as a bilingual baby since Tomomi, my wife speaks to Haruka in Japanese and I would speak to her in English. Actually, such communication patterns aren’t so different from many other families where they have a maid or baby sitter who speaks in a different language from the language spoken by the parents. If an Indonesian maid speaks in Bahasa, the baby knows how to communicate in Bahasa with the maid, while communicating in the mother tongue with the parents. I reflect on my own language learning experience in learning Japanese and questions what is key in mastering languages. Just last week, I smiled when I was watching a Japanese movie that I could understand some of the Japanese conversations even without looking at the English subtitles half of the time. The key is to satisfy our human need to understand and not feel overwhelmed with a new language. There is certainly a need to memorize vocabulary and grammar patterns. Though, successful learning always means we do not overwhelm ourselves and get discouraged, but we progressively understand step by step so that we are interested to learn more. Same goes with communicating with your baby. Do not attempt to use difficult vocabulary unless the baby can understand half of it. Most of the time, you need to accompany communication with lots of body language, sound effects, smiles, enthusiasm and speaking slowly. Then, communication and learning the language becomes fun when the baby plays a part in the communication and understands as well as is understood, at least half of the time.

The first stage of communication is to use natural sounds that the baby can remember distinctly. Before 1 year old, when the baby is not moving about, the baby has always been observing the environment, the noises, sounds, tones and even common words. So, when a distinct sound is heard such as the sound of a dog barking, a cat purring or a bird chipping, it amuses the baby. To teach language, to the baby, we can of course overwhelm the baby with a sentence like “Oh Haruka, can you hear the dog barking?”. The baby has no clue what any of those words mean and thus is frustrated at how to learn the alien language that adults speak. Instead, we can say “bow wow dog” imitating the sound of the dog. After 1 year old, the baby can even repeat after you and say “Dog” whenever she sees a dog. Now, if mummy says “bow wow inu-san” (Japanese for dog), Haruka would try to make associations such that she knows dog is inu-san. It helps when daddy and mummy sometimes say “dog inu-san” at the same time. For instance, Haruka is excited everytime she sees flowers and say hana (Japanese for flower), probably because mummy likes flowers and mentions that to Haruka frequently. I would then nod and say Hana flower when she says hana. After a while, Haruka understands the association and wants to impress me by saying hana flower or even just flower whenever she sees a flower because she knows flower is the word I prefer using. When that happens, it is time for Haruka to learn more vocabulary. So I would say, wow so many flowers by counting the flowers or by sweeping my hands across the large area of flowers. Sometimes, I would also speak in Japanese after speaking in English, in case Haruka remembers any phrases in Japanese that her mother spoke to her before so that she would understand what I am trying to communicate to her. Interestingly, Haruka is always listening closely to conversations between me and Tomomi. Her attention would be drawn to words they have heard before such as their own names and other words they hear always. All babies do, so be careful when you are raising your voice to someone else, or swearing when you are watching television. Speaking 2 languages do not necessarily confuse the baby. In fact, it could possibly reinforce memory to allow associations. If the child would need to learn a whole new language later through a teacher and not through a parent/maid/friend, it would take extra efforts. What is important is not to overwhelm the baby with words and sentences that he/she cannot understand. Like all communication, listening and observations are key. Communicate and do not talk down to a baby by seeking to understand if you are understood. I am looking forward to Haruka learning some Cantonese as we move to Hong Kong soon. Can she learn to be a trilingual?

Most of the readers of my blog are at least bilinguals, even if you do not profess to speak a second language well. So have you taught your baby the second or third language? It does take some extra efforts to be a teacher, but encouraging learning at a young age yields Do share.

(Photos show Haruka's first snowman making experience and snow at Canary Wharf and Regent Park. It was the worst snowstorm in London since the past 18 years. It usually does not snow in London. Took daddy 2 hours to complete the large snowman alone, despite nags by mummy for not having dinner sooner, but it was also a first snowman making experience for daddy. There was not enough of snow in Tokyo to make such a tall snowman. Haruka recognizes yuki (Japanese) and snow and would shout with enthusiasm when she sees them.)

Tip 112: Making a point to pray for company employer

I thought I would share a testimony of a friend from Japan that inspired me. It was actually not so recent that I heard this testimony, around 6 months ago while I was still working in Tokyo. With all the recent busyness of transition and family concerns, excitement of travelling, extra work/opportunities I did not say no to, these distractions have somewhat tamed my convictions I previously had after hearing my friend’s testimony. I met Kyoshi through a Christian lunch fellowship held once a month at Akasaka, Tokyo. It’s a small group where usually half a dozen Christians who work at the Sanno Park Tower and surroundings would turn up for lunch if their work day has not been too busy. Through the gathering, I got to know Kyoshi better and we had a few other lunches together where he shared his personal convictions to me. Kyoshi is actually a Malaysian with a granddad who was from Japan. He got a scholarship to do his Masters in Japan and have worked in Japan ever since. At one point in his life, he spent more than a year in suburban Japan on a work placement and while it was boring and lonely, it somehow led him to pray more and nurture his faith in God. After being relocated to the Tokyo main branch office into a department he likes, he begins to see the act of God in his life more and more through reflections during prayer. He begins to spend more time in prayer such that he designates a different day praying for different areas of importance, as he felt he needed to establish a routine and structure that best suit him. He then shares how he would pray for his company regularly at least once a week that the company would take care of its staff well, earn good profits and make a difference in the community. On certain days during work, when he goes to different floors of his company, he would utter a silent prayer for the different departments, for his company CEO and other top management of his company. He believes that God has placed him in his company for a reason, to be the light in the midst of all the indifference and secular work. He is very passionate in his job. This has rendered him performing well, yet he believes that there is more to career and being happy with ones work and that is, making a difference by loving God and loving others and in praying for the company.












These are certainly times for prayer for companies that we work in, and the managers that we work for that they would be granted wisdom to manage the company out of challenging times. I have to admit that I am not a prayerful person and do not adhere to any strict prayer routines. In fact, often I get too tired with all the unnecessary work I undertake and the ambitions I entertain that I pray lesser than I should. Yet, many of these times, God has been gracious to me to point me to the right direction again that He is interested in my life and He would want to guide me every moment if I remind myself to seek after Him and pray more. Often, we would pray passionately, at times of crisis, at points of difficulties or when we need to seek God to resolve certain problems or meet certain pressing needs that we have. But, it is when we spend more time with God that we realize that many things do not matter so much after all, and we need not be anxious about our needs as God cares for us more than we care for ourselves sometimes. The more we trust God and look outside ourselves, the more effective we can be in this world in making a difference. And that is why praying for our companies and our managers can change us for the better. There is always a danger to overvalue work or even to undervalue work and I have gone through both phases in my struggle to establish my work identity. It is never easy to achieve balance in what we do and prayer is the key.












Any testimonies to share on prayer for your companies? Let us encourage one another to pray more.












(Photos show Tower Bridge (nope, its not London Bridge as thats just a common looking old bridge) and Southwark Cathredral).