Tip 115: I was there for you

These are the magic words necessary to keep the family engine moving smoothly. A family is no different from a car that needs regular servicing. (This is spoken to the male audience as daddies need to think in such practical terms). In fact, most families will either need a daily, weekly or monthly servicing. It is necessary to check if the engine and brake oils are sufficient, else on long journeys, the car would break down suddenly causing immense inconvenience, loss and even possible disastrous accidents. Regular servicing entails checking the emotional, physical and spiritual state of the family to know that no built up frustrations of unmet needs could cause major arguments which can be avoided in the first place. Most of the time, it is daddy’s fault for not playing by mummy’s rules. Some of the times, it is mummy’s fault for getting too emotional to forget that daddy did try his best or that both mummy and daddy are not perfect beings and each need time to understand new perspectives in life. All families have their squabbles and frustrations. We live under pressure each day chasing after a dream lifestyle that is broadcasted live through the mass media and literature. Technology, knowledge and wealth have grown so much over the centuries, enabling longer distances to be travelled, mass production and customizations to be performed across different countries, increasing learning and understanding of different cultures and different peoples’ lives. The immense productivity and improved standards of living have created huge gaps between different family income patterns, increasing expectations for a good life not just in terms of material possessions, but also the kind of happiness we see on TV soap operas of the ideal family we wish to have, instead of being happy and thankful for what we have. Hence, the need for regular family communication to realign expectations back to reality and work together through a common understanding. That’s a big word for many daddies and we shall just call it regular servicing. I have found that one key method in this servicing job is to constantly spend time to reaffirm your wife and children that you were there for them by giving them examples and will be there always as have been. You may have spent time going shopping or even on a beautiful holiday with your family, yet you still need 15-30 minutes a week to have time for regular servicing.

Yes, women can be forgetful. Or they pretend to be forgetful to feed their emotional need. Yet, to function well as a family, the car needs servicing. Sorry to reemphasize this always as it sounds more technically feasible when you see it as an important man job to do. So, every week, I remind myself to remember the times when I was thoughtful, the times when I fill the gaps in childcare when my wife is not feeling well, the times when she has a family affair or friend situation that she needed to confide in me. Then, I would find a quiet place and a suitable time to have a good chat with my wife to remind her that I was there for her and will be there for her as always. During this servicing time, besides replacing the engine oil, I also try to check the condition of the car if there are any other problems that need further servicing by asking my wife how she was doing. Is she coping well in a new country, in the new home, in making new friends or in taking care of Haruka? Maybe she would say the kitchen light needs fixing and she told me last week but I was busy then. Or there was an interesting development in Haruka that she wanted to tell me. This give her an opportunity to speak to me instead of feeling frustrated that whatever she says to me, always goes to deaf ears or that she has no time to share any frustrations to me. If I know I will be busy in the coming week and possibly miss a car servicing session, I will tell her in advanced so she would understand or know that she would need to interrupt me if she needs to talk to me instead of expecting me to take the proactive step to stop my work and talk to her. Then, the next day, I will get a good dinner. That’s because the car is functioning well now with the new oil replaced.

Don’t you daddies need to make it a point to put in your calendar that the car needs servicing? Ladies, any other points to note during the car servicing session?

(Photos show Greenwich town featuring the Royal Observatory (up the hill where the Greenwich Prime Meridian line starts, the Royal Naval College and National Maritime Museum)

Tip 114: Remain vigilant A.L.E.R.T. as recession bites

Vigilant is not such a common word and I looked it up and it means to be watchful, alert, observant and attentive for danger or trouble. It was a good advice by Allister Heath in his article entitled, "A tough year looms as recession bites', 23/12/2008 in City A.M., a free daily I got each morning at Canary Wharf. Allister, the editor said, "We must remain vigilant and not assume that the government will make the economy better. It is just as likely to make it even worse." Allister said that governments could be saddled with lots of bad debts, forcing them to print more money and cause inflation even in the midst of a recession, leading banks to charge high rates for lending, causing the whole credit system to crumble and the government to step in to regulate currency and credit in socialist style. He did admit that many of his views could be too pessimistic, but there is much need for vigilance and to expect 2009 to be a tough year and not to underestimate the severity of the recession. I did not want to highlight this earlier, so that this blog post now will gain more acceptance, together with the other posts I blogged before the full blown nature of the recession about the need to S.A.V.E. (17/9/2008) and to be cautiously optimistic (7/10/2008). Even when things look up slightly, one should ensure that the right principles govern our actions such that we do not fall into any trap that we should regret. Such traps such as stock market rebounds, purchasing properties without sufficient savings, making large investments in business without adequate capital or studying the market well, making large financial commitments such as moving to a new country by spending a fortune in children education and accomodations without subsidy from the company. The bottom line is do not be greedy and excessively ambitious without sufficient savings. But, what are practical steps to be vigilant to ensure we are safe? They are actually the same advice that Jesus and the apostles gives to Christians to be vigilant against the enemy Satan, against temptations and against false teachings which is to have sufficient knowledge, be always prayerful and guard against our excessiveness and sinful nature, knowing ourselves well, be contented and not chase after the unnecessary and knowing dangers to avoid. I have coined another acronym A.L.E.R.T. (Acquire knowledge, Learn about ourselves, be at Ease with what we have, Reflect and act slowly, stay clear from the Tempters).

I am not an expert in religion, nor business. Though, I believe we learn more and receive more when we strive to give the little we have, hence this humble attempt to provide tips I find helpful as I reflect. In times of recession, the decisions that we make are especially important since a wrong move causes a greater fall, a slight mistake incurs a larger loss, a bad business strategy would not invite any small profits as would in a boom economy. Hence the need to Acquire knowledge and not trust a single source or from what people say (including my blog). Spend time to read about economics, your work industry, global business, how interest rates and currency would affect your financial decisions, why its important to check on rental yields before buying a property. This will ensure you make decision based on good principles and sound research and not just by following the herd or by your own emotions. It is equally important that we Learn about ourselves and remember how we perform in good times and bad times and be confident about our roles and identity. This will help us to prioritize on what is important taking account of our strengths and weaknesses, understand that we are not the same as others and should not necessarily follow the example of others if we are not ready. The Christian would remember that there is only one example to emulate which is Christ Jesus and that we are sufficiently loved by God that we need not be worried and be making any decisions to receive love through other means. It is hence important to be contented and be at Ease with the things that we have. In fact, we should always be thankful and count our blessings and not chase after unnecessary pleasures. This will ensure our decisions are made without greed or a desire to have more, but on an objective basis. We should instead be slow in making decisions but to spend more time to Reflect on the outcome of the decision so that we may not fall into any excessiveness. Dangerous times are certainly not times to make rash decisions, to gamble in currencies and stocks or any financial instrument without first assessing the options carefully. Last but not least, the need to be in the right crowd of people with a careful outlook of life and to steer away from those who could or would Tempt us to make incorrect decisions or vices. For the Christian, it is certainly times to be praying more, to read the bible and adhere to the teachings to avoid all kinds of vices and sinful habits, to be contented with God and seek to discover the purpose He has for us which is to be a blessing to others. Difficult times are meant for us to consolidate ourselves to reflect, trim away excessiveness and question the need for them, reprioritise based on a better understanding of ourselves and if possible seek after the right path that we may reap blessings when the time is right. It may be a time to think about being a good daddy and husband and how to lay good foundations so we can move forward even in better times. It may seem like a strong message, but the bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5:8) There is a time for extra vigilance against temptations and the time is probably now, though ideally we should of course be on guard at all times.

Don't you think each of us need to put extra efforts to be vigilant? In this age of excessiveness, vigilance is less exercised than the instinct to consume lavishly and act quickly. My faithful readers, what do you think?

(Photos show Buckingham Palace, Royal Exchange, the Gherkin and Bank of England, symbols of power, wealth and financial strength of England. Soli Deo Honor Et Gloria, the coat of arms at a gate to St Helen's Place meaning All glory and Honor to God alone, used by a 16th century Spanish mystic and poet St John of the Cross).

Tip 113: Understanding learning languages

It’s a joy to see a baby grow up learning how to communicate, picking up new languages and understanding communication. Many people often ask me whether my baby would grow up as a bilingual baby since Tomomi, my wife speaks to Haruka in Japanese and I would speak to her in English. Actually, such communication patterns aren’t so different from many other families where they have a maid or baby sitter who speaks in a different language from the language spoken by the parents. If an Indonesian maid speaks in Bahasa, the baby knows how to communicate in Bahasa with the maid, while communicating in the mother tongue with the parents. I reflect on my own language learning experience in learning Japanese and questions what is key in mastering languages. Just last week, I smiled when I was watching a Japanese movie that I could understand some of the Japanese conversations even without looking at the English subtitles half of the time. The key is to satisfy our human need to understand and not feel overwhelmed with a new language. There is certainly a need to memorize vocabulary and grammar patterns. Though, successful learning always means we do not overwhelm ourselves and get discouraged, but we progressively understand step by step so that we are interested to learn more. Same goes with communicating with your baby. Do not attempt to use difficult vocabulary unless the baby can understand half of it. Most of the time, you need to accompany communication with lots of body language, sound effects, smiles, enthusiasm and speaking slowly. Then, communication and learning the language becomes fun when the baby plays a part in the communication and understands as well as is understood, at least half of the time.

The first stage of communication is to use natural sounds that the baby can remember distinctly. Before 1 year old, when the baby is not moving about, the baby has always been observing the environment, the noises, sounds, tones and even common words. So, when a distinct sound is heard such as the sound of a dog barking, a cat purring or a bird chipping, it amuses the baby. To teach language, to the baby, we can of course overwhelm the baby with a sentence like “Oh Haruka, can you hear the dog barking?”. The baby has no clue what any of those words mean and thus is frustrated at how to learn the alien language that adults speak. Instead, we can say “bow wow dog” imitating the sound of the dog. After 1 year old, the baby can even repeat after you and say “Dog” whenever she sees a dog. Now, if mummy says “bow wow inu-san” (Japanese for dog), Haruka would try to make associations such that she knows dog is inu-san. It helps when daddy and mummy sometimes say “dog inu-san” at the same time. For instance, Haruka is excited everytime she sees flowers and say hana (Japanese for flower), probably because mummy likes flowers and mentions that to Haruka frequently. I would then nod and say Hana flower when she says hana. After a while, Haruka understands the association and wants to impress me by saying hana flower or even just flower whenever she sees a flower because she knows flower is the word I prefer using. When that happens, it is time for Haruka to learn more vocabulary. So I would say, wow so many flowers by counting the flowers or by sweeping my hands across the large area of flowers. Sometimes, I would also speak in Japanese after speaking in English, in case Haruka remembers any phrases in Japanese that her mother spoke to her before so that she would understand what I am trying to communicate to her. Interestingly, Haruka is always listening closely to conversations between me and Tomomi. Her attention would be drawn to words they have heard before such as their own names and other words they hear always. All babies do, so be careful when you are raising your voice to someone else, or swearing when you are watching television. Speaking 2 languages do not necessarily confuse the baby. In fact, it could possibly reinforce memory to allow associations. If the child would need to learn a whole new language later through a teacher and not through a parent/maid/friend, it would take extra efforts. What is important is not to overwhelm the baby with words and sentences that he/she cannot understand. Like all communication, listening and observations are key. Communicate and do not talk down to a baby by seeking to understand if you are understood. I am looking forward to Haruka learning some Cantonese as we move to Hong Kong soon. Can she learn to be a trilingual?

Most of the readers of my blog are at least bilinguals, even if you do not profess to speak a second language well. So have you taught your baby the second or third language? It does take some extra efforts to be a teacher, but encouraging learning at a young age yields Do share.

(Photos show Haruka's first snowman making experience and snow at Canary Wharf and Regent Park. It was the worst snowstorm in London since the past 18 years. It usually does not snow in London. Took daddy 2 hours to complete the large snowman alone, despite nags by mummy for not having dinner sooner, but it was also a first snowman making experience for daddy. There was not enough of snow in Tokyo to make such a tall snowman. Haruka recognizes yuki (Japanese) and snow and would shout with enthusiasm when she sees them.)

Tip 112: Making a point to pray for company employer

I thought I would share a testimony of a friend from Japan that inspired me. It was actually not so recent that I heard this testimony, around 6 months ago while I was still working in Tokyo. With all the recent busyness of transition and family concerns, excitement of travelling, extra work/opportunities I did not say no to, these distractions have somewhat tamed my convictions I previously had after hearing my friend’s testimony. I met Kyoshi through a Christian lunch fellowship held once a month at Akasaka, Tokyo. It’s a small group where usually half a dozen Christians who work at the Sanno Park Tower and surroundings would turn up for lunch if their work day has not been too busy. Through the gathering, I got to know Kyoshi better and we had a few other lunches together where he shared his personal convictions to me. Kyoshi is actually a Malaysian with a granddad who was from Japan. He got a scholarship to do his Masters in Japan and have worked in Japan ever since. At one point in his life, he spent more than a year in suburban Japan on a work placement and while it was boring and lonely, it somehow led him to pray more and nurture his faith in God. After being relocated to the Tokyo main branch office into a department he likes, he begins to see the act of God in his life more and more through reflections during prayer. He begins to spend more time in prayer such that he designates a different day praying for different areas of importance, as he felt he needed to establish a routine and structure that best suit him. He then shares how he would pray for his company regularly at least once a week that the company would take care of its staff well, earn good profits and make a difference in the community. On certain days during work, when he goes to different floors of his company, he would utter a silent prayer for the different departments, for his company CEO and other top management of his company. He believes that God has placed him in his company for a reason, to be the light in the midst of all the indifference and secular work. He is very passionate in his job. This has rendered him performing well, yet he believes that there is more to career and being happy with ones work and that is, making a difference by loving God and loving others and in praying for the company.












These are certainly times for prayer for companies that we work in, and the managers that we work for that they would be granted wisdom to manage the company out of challenging times. I have to admit that I am not a prayerful person and do not adhere to any strict prayer routines. In fact, often I get too tired with all the unnecessary work I undertake and the ambitions I entertain that I pray lesser than I should. Yet, many of these times, God has been gracious to me to point me to the right direction again that He is interested in my life and He would want to guide me every moment if I remind myself to seek after Him and pray more. Often, we would pray passionately, at times of crisis, at points of difficulties or when we need to seek God to resolve certain problems or meet certain pressing needs that we have. But, it is when we spend more time with God that we realize that many things do not matter so much after all, and we need not be anxious about our needs as God cares for us more than we care for ourselves sometimes. The more we trust God and look outside ourselves, the more effective we can be in this world in making a difference. And that is why praying for our companies and our managers can change us for the better. There is always a danger to overvalue work or even to undervalue work and I have gone through both phases in my struggle to establish my work identity. It is never easy to achieve balance in what we do and prayer is the key.












Any testimonies to share on prayer for your companies? Let us encourage one another to pray more.












(Photos show Tower Bridge (nope, its not London Bridge as thats just a common looking old bridge) and Southwark Cathredral).

Tip 111: Winning contests

I finally had time to blog again. It was premature to previously target 10,000 blog posts in my life time, but I am sure such endeavours are honorable. I still believe that a blogging daddy is a reflecting daddy, plus you are leaving behind a documentary of the labour of love in parenting that one day your kids can read about. I currently prioritise my blogging such that its something I do after finishing all my work, including any freelance project work I undertake. Having contacts in Japan and knowing how to look for research resources in Japan, have opened a door of opportunity and I have been doing 4-6 market research projects a year and one just ended after 2 months of tedious work with my highest payment so far of USD$15k. Its quite taxing on time where I have to put in extra hours after my day job and time in the weekends, but I reckon its always good to work a little harder while you're young (before 40?50?) and save more for unexpected expenses, children's education and retirement/holiday, plus learn something new through additional projects. Nevertheless, I still find time to bath Haruka my daughter every night, go out with my family on both weekends, have lunch with my wife near my workplace once a week, join cell group/bible study once a week after work, attend church service on Sunday and enter competitions. Its certainly not easy to balance what's important in life and most of what I am doing is probably not important enough to sacrifice a proper 8 hour sleep a day and the luxury of lazing around. (Though I gain in having productive sleep and not turning around in bed at all). It is hard to resist the opportunistic instinct in me and that's keeping me tuned in to joining contests wherever I go. The desire to win. Recently, I did win a few contests in London and that makes me satisfied. It's a kind of hobby for me and I think anyone can do it if they have a desire to win. I wrote a guide to winning contests in my previous website, but this tip will contain more insights after 8 years has passed. This is from someone with a track record of winnings of over a hundred contests (including small ones). In my previous guide, I concluded with the line "The bottom line is hard work reaps results". I said the more applications, the higher the chance of winning and be as creative, funny and catchy with your slogans as possible. The tip still holds true as judges of contest wants to see such efforts. Yet, in today's world of global competition, you compete with thousands of contest enthusiasts and you may feel that your labour is in vain. Putting your whole heart into a contest, then feeling worn out that you have not seen any results in all your applications can be disheartening. The solution is to mass produce good results and search for more avenues to submit the good results. Usually, when you are used to joining contests, you somehow would be able to think of slogans quickly. It would be good to keep a record of some of the good slogans you have written on a document in your computer where you can refer to them whenever you are looking for inspirations. You begin to build a slogan databank after a while of all things that rhymes. You can also take it one step further to post in on your blog or website, to crystalize these sentimental slogans, so it could amuse you one day of your slogan writing prowess. After a while, it begins to be effortless to mass produce good results, write poems at a blink of an eye and enjoy doing what you are good at. You then need to know where to look for contests. These days, newspapers especially the free ones that depend on advertisements are littered with most contests. Search for their website as its easiest to be entering contests through websites, since you need not be sending any applications through post. Plus, you may also want to join using a few User IDs submitting different answers to increase your chances. Even, while travelling to London, I have recently won a few contests including a nice lunch overlooking a horse race. Priorities change over time and the key to living is balancing what's important. But, for now, winning contests do provide joys that I can give thanks for.

Anyone else who is a contest buff? Share your tips and your winnings at my comment section. (Photo shows Kempton Park Race Course, London with my family, Richmond Park and Horse Guard Arch)

Tip 110: Knowing what women feel they want L.A.S.H.

Thought I would attempt a crucial life changing tip, yet a controversial one if not presented right. Wondered why the bible did not touch on this as its key in defining the quality of life. I watched the movie What Women Want starring Mel Gibson who suddenly received the gift of hearing the thoughts of every woman he came in contact with. The actor then had the revelation that women have loads on their mind all the time, thinking a variety of different concerns at any one time. Since a woman needs to entertain many concerns at any one time, they would want to think of how to best address all of them in a most sensitive and thoughtful manner. Most of the time, the women know they cannot realistically have all these wants and solve all the problems of this world. Having so many different wants, the women actually cannot decide what they really want. When they finally get to decide, their emotions and feelings would control their thought process such that new wants emerge, creating guilty feelings for abandoning previous wants which then create a vicious emotional cycle of unmet wants. There are of course women who can control their feelings well and prioritise what they want which then sometimes leave them feeling guilty for being less sensitive and thoughtful than their other girlfriends. To take away these guilty feelings, women usually create further wants by pampering themselves with things, which usually leave them unsatisfied when they start to dwell on their previous wants and concerns. Men on the other hand can control their emotions by will power such that they need not feel a sense of immense emotion and guilt when making decisions. This post is not meant to belittle women as I will get into a lot of problem. The simple yet essential tip for any men, son, husband, daddy is just to value women that they are thoughtful and understand that they have valuable emotions. Its a simple trick called Listen, Acknowledge, Suggest Humbly (L.A.S.H.). Another one of my original acronyms and this time lash, being meant negatively as an aggresive and impulsive action could be turned into a sensitive reflex that any men can adopt once they practice this quick and easy response.















Most daddies would already know the above briefly, but stop halfway and merely come to the conclusion that women are their weak counterpart. They would sigh in disbelief at why their wife need to go through all the unnecessary stress. They would utter sarcastic remarks or at best pass snide jokes like why the women would drive them crazy. Now, women on the other hand cannot understand why men can be so heartless, thoughtless and emotionless. If they have not been taught not to judge, they would view this insensitivity to their complex emotional make up as a selfish trait of a man or at best a commonly acknowledged trait of men being M.C.P. Men have of course heard of the need to listen to their wives, but many give up as they cannot handle the emotional diarrhea from their wives which could end up either into an argument or at best in them being the losing party and having to give up their views. Yet, listening is the first step for men to gain control of the situation. Not for 10 minutes or even 30 minutes, but just 1-5 minutes to understand the gist of the emotions. Trust me, we men are not as intelligent and cannot fully fathom the complex emotional process at work and should not be entangled in a web of emotions in a 30 minute listening discourse. If it does not reveal our lack of intelligence, it would reveal out short attention span. I wonder if God listens to a women for longer than 5 minutes? :) So, just stop after a brief moment and acknowledge your wife's thoughtfulness. Praise if you may or just nod to give a variety of responses so it may be received as a genuine response. The next response is probably the hardest, since men usually get egoistic when they can think of a contribution that will solve the complex women problem. How can they not since its such a simple problem, yet the women can not figure the most simple solutions that are usually very straight forward. Yet, by presenting it as a humble suggestion that it could be wrong and not match the complex situation at hand, the women find the solution irresistably packaged in a nice emotional presentation. Didn't they teach men that presentation and packaging is all that counts in any present? Even the most stubborn of women will then agree to calm down and possibly at least consider that solution at a later period of time. That would be the most effective L.A.S.H. a men can have on his woman. Hey, but women would love to receive it gladly calling it love. As Bette Midler in that movie said, "If Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and you can speak Venusian, the world can be yours."














Ok, I am not so experienced in this yet, since this wisdom is still at the theorethical stage. But hey, it sounds like good theory that can do some practicing. The more feedback and reflection of its effectiveness, the more refined this can be. So please try it and leave a comment to encourage my lashing. :) And to my women audience, sorry for such a detailed account, as men need such methodical explanations if you have not already known as understanding women can be complex to our low level technology minds and hearts.














(Photos show Big Ben, the London Eye, Westminster Abbey church and the Houses of Parliament/Westminster Palace)