Tip 125: Blog to shape baby's memory

A baby learns exponentially about languages and new experiences. After each experience, a baby would develop preferences for certain experiences, play or taste. Yet at a certain age, the baby does not know how to accurately express himself/herself on what preferences he/she may have to communicate with others. The baby may not even remember what are all options available and the language term for each option. Only when the baby experiences it a second time, the baby would recall the preferable experience and smile or laugh doing the activity. Yet, blogging together with the use of camera and videocamera is a powerful tool to reinforce a baby's memory and teach the baby the different language terms for each activity and experience and further increase the speed of learning. As the activities are participated by the baby, the baby has greater interest to participate in the learning compared to reading a book that is not personalized. The baby thus would not mind going through a blog, video or camera over and over again with daddy teaching him/her the many names of activities in the blog. This could be the solution to recapturing childhood memory, many of us adults have loss. More than memory of activities, a blog can recapture the memory of the relationship parents share with their babies/children.

Like many, I do not have a strong memory of my baby or toddler days or the involvement of my parents being there for me. As my mother is a baby sitter, I could guess that my parents would have been as caring to me, as they had to the other babies I witnessed them caring. While my parents did capture a few photos of the many activities we were involved as a family during our childhood, these were not digital and some may not have been kept well. Also, there were less efforts to be taking photos of every activity and to capture as many special moments in each activity since the speed and cost of photo taking was higher previously. The power of digital photography and video making creates a whole new world of recapturing memories of the past and reinforcing new meaning to them. It further adds possibilities to what a daddy can do for his children and potentially creating a gap between parents who have done, and those who have not. While I observe that consumers are beginning to be more demanding of the services and products they expect from manufacturers, so I foresee children to be expecting more and more from their parents in this consumerist society as children compare what other parents are offering their children. Besides just joining a potential rat race to be the best daddy, I have found that blogging and capturing my child's development is an effective means of teaching. Whenever I am free, I would show Haruka my blog and would tell her the story of her life through all the blog posts and photos. She would begin to learn the different language terms of them. For instance, she would know that she likes to go to a bird park and in the bird park, there are many different birds. As her understanding of experiences advances, she may even be able to differentiate between a bird park in Malaysia, Singapore or a bird park in Hong Kong. I am also glad that I have spend a lot of time capturing photos and videos and in my free time, I play it over the TV and Haruka could recall the activities we do together as a family. Technology has advanced as such that it is simply a plug and play effort and does not involve any complicated steps. One day, when Haruka can read, she will also be able to understand my sentiments and ideas behind parenting and would appreciate the time and effort I spend on my children because I love them very much. This again reinforces the importance for a daddy to blog.

Have you also used a blog to teach your toddler/children? Do share.

(Photos show a relatively small but well designed bird's aviary in Hong Kong park, a footbridge nearby, taichi at Victoria park and a marriage registry at Hong Kong park.)

Tip 124: Serving the graveyard shift duty

I got this message from a friend and its my pleasure to blog on topics of interest to my faithful readers.

"Hi Philip ! You've been traveling round the world heh? I love hong kong as a holiday spot, been there twice but dunno about living there though. Hey, I find your postings on parenting tips, keep it coming yeah ! Did you post anything on how to survive night time feedings and getting back to work the next day?"

To be honest, I never really done too much graveyard shift duty. Usually, at least one of the parent needs to wake up at night to attend to the needs of the baby for 3 reasons: 1. to feed her. 2. to put her to sleep again and calm her down from her crying as she is ill. 3. to calm her down from her crying as she had a nightmare. It may come as a shock to many, but Haruka is still breastfeeding after 1 year old as my wife is a keen believer in attachment parenting. Will blog more on this, probably when Haruka has weened herself of breastfeeding, and I can provide an objective reflection of the pros and cons of breastfeeding for extended periods of time. The plus point here is that daddy need not be waking up at night to feed the baby. Actually, another practice in attachment parenting is that the baby sleeps next to the parents, instead of in a separate bed to promote closeness in the family relationship. Though I end up sleeping like a log when I do sleep, as I spent a lot of my few waking hours with productive activities (or try to do so). That leaves me only waking up 10% of the time when Haruka is crying. There were only 2 occassions when Haruka fell ill with fever and I recall, Haruka has never ever vomitted and caused too much of an unpleasant night for us to have to clean up the mess. If she does wake up at night because of a nightmare, it would be just a brief 5 seconds as either mummy takes her to comfort or Haruka would be quick to seek her mother's breast. I probably have many blessings to count as a daddy for having to care for a baby with little tantrums and my wife for doing most of the graveyard shift duty that has probably adjusted well to her sleep rhythm.

I do understand what the graveyard shift duty entails and the stress of needing to tend to the many tantrums of different babies, especially when they are ill at night. When I was young, my mother used to be a babysitter and when I was back from school, I did assist her sometimes. Or there were a few occassions when the baby's parents went on holiday and the graveyard shift had to be served by my mother. But, the dynamics of such a situation changes when you are married, do not have access to a babysitter (or do not believe in the need for one) and has full responsibility to attend to the needs of the baby. The wife needs to know that her husband cares and does not shirk off this responsibility to the wife alone. Hence, my previous post about the importance at least on weekends to do more housework to affirm the wife that the husband is trying to do his best to share the responsibility, eventhough he may have work demands during weekdays. Daddy also needs to be wise to balance between effectively contributing towards lightening the load, and letting mummy handle it if she has many preferences. A mother's instincts is always ahead of daddy's in terms of understanding the baby's needs and how to attend to it well and often times, daddy gets in the way by being clumsy (according to mummy) or simply not doing so well as he already had a long day at work. Daddy thus only needs to listen, acknowledge and suggest humbly what can be done (most of the time, the suggesting part can wait till the day time during a nice meal or at an outing when mummy is more receptive) to make mummy happy that she is doing everything well. Then, go to sleep.

I remembered one occasion when Haruka had fever, Tomomi asked me to fill the water pillow that we got for Haruka to reduce the temperature. I filled it and came back to the bedroom and Tomomi complained that it was still rather damp as I did not wipe the exterior dry enough. I came back and she said that Haruka does not need it anymore as I may disturb her sleep. So I went to sleep. My duty as a daddy probably became effective the next day when I had a chat with Tomomi about how Haruka was doing and affirmed her that she did well caring for her. Graveyard shift duties ,,, do them when you are really doing it effectively, else wait till next day to finish off the job.

Any pleasant or unpleasant stories to share about such graveyard shift duties? Please do, as it does encourage parents who are reading this blog.

(Photos show view from the Peak, Hong Kong, the litmus test of whether we should enter Madame Tussauds, the Peak by posing next to the free display of Bruce Lee, the many varieties of fish ball sold at Gresson street, Wanchai and Cheung Kong park, a small park next to St. John's Cathedral.)

Tip 123: Understanding cultural norms

Speaking the language of a country, do not necessarily mean you would have learnt all the cultural norms pertaining to common lifestyles of the people. This include how ordering tea could differ. It was a fairly hot day in Hong Kong and a tiring one after carrying Haruka around, so I ordered iced chinese tea at a coffee shop. Chinese from Malaysia would relate to this habit since its pretty common to have chinese tea with ice in a hot weather. The waiter frowned and asked me in Cantonese if I wanted iced lemon tea instead. I said, "no, I would like chinese tea with ice." The waiter then begin to get irritated so I relented to stick to the cultural norm, and said hot chinese tea please. This Chinese cultural norm stems from the belief that brewed tea leaves in hot water would lose their antioxidants when chilled. This in fact is proven, but it seems that chilling hot brewed tea is still more healthy than the cultural norm of conveniently buying a cold can/bottle of processed tea from a vending machine. If in Japan, carrying a bottle from home daily would seem silly since you can conveniently buy a drink from a vending machine at any corner of the street or office. Breaking such cultural norms leaves the impression of being less sophisticated. Same goes to deciding how you want your tea served in England. It would be polite to be decisive and eloquently specify whether one prefers Earl Grey as opposed to English Breakfast, as well as the number of sugar cubes and teaspoons of milk you would have in your tea. Hence, why James Bond looks sophisticated by decisively choosing to have his martini shaken, not stirred. I am sure a Malaysian looks sophisticated in front of a foreigner at the mamak when ordering Teh O kosong (no milk, no sugar), Teh O ais (no milk, cold tea with sugar), Teh O ais limau (lime tea - not lemon!), Teh See (Tea no sugar but evaporated milk). Now, let's have a movie where James Bond orders at a Malaysian mamak stall.

This does not stop there. Match the following combinations of breakfast to the right citizenship and see if you get it wrong, the guest would feel offended. (Rice, miso soup, natou, green tea), (Fish ball noodles, milk tea in a glass), (toast, cup of tea), (naan/roti canai, curry), (porridge, hot chinese tea). It would definitely not make sense to a British for having curry during breakfast since it is a food reserved for lunch or dinner, or to a Korean for having porridge when one is not sick. Does following these cultural norms make for more pleasant conversations and better acceptance? As subtle as these examples sound, they could mean something to different people. If we are getting more mindful that we should not serve Muslims pork, then these subtleties count in the coming global age. Paying an extra attention can gain favor and less frowns. I look back to a breakfast interview I had a long while ago with a Vice President of a company at the executive lounge of a hotel. My interviewer filled his cup of coffee, while I conveniently took a glass of orange juice and somehow I could feel later that it would have been more pleasant at this important first meeting to have similar matching cups at the table where we would be spending an hour of close discussion.

Any other ways to order tea? Any other peculiar breakfast habits of countries you have visited? Do enlighten everyone by leaving a comment. I have also compiled a list of blogposts from my blog on Japanese cultural norms.

(Photos show my first week in Hong Kong with my family at the Hong Kong Zoo overlooking the Hong Kong skyline and the cheapest bowl of prawn wonton noodle that I found at Wanchai during breakfast priced at HKD11 or USD1.40)

Tip 122: Midweek spiritual nourishment

I look back and recall,
My 5 month stay at Canary Wharf, London,
Memories I cherish were not the modern buildings standing tall,
But from a barge, a peaceful refuge, a drinking well,
Every midweek I could return.













Canary Wharf, London is a pleasant place to be working at, with large open spaces, serene waterways and state of the art intelligent buildings. Yet, if I have not discovered St. Peter's Barge, a floating church that aims to serve the office workers nearby, I would not have taken the time to take lunch time strolls to appreciate the beauty of this place. I thank God for providing the vision in 2003 to the church leadership to purchase a Dutch freight barge so that it could be at a near location for city workers to go to. The church has since grown in numbers and now holds 3 midweek sessions and 2 Sunday services. The idea that it is merely a boat, made me doubt that it would hold enough people, have an efficient program and be a pleasant experience, but as I step in for the first time, instantly I felt at ease with the beauty of its interior and the comfort the heating facilities and its furniture provided for an encounter with God. Its a reminder of how 5 loaves and 2 fishes is enough to feed 5000 people. The needs in this life can be met by the most simple solutions that need not require too much worry, but only trust in God.













These days, most office workers are stuck in their office with little time to catch the sunlight. When they do, it is to rush to grab a meal, to meet someone during lunch time or to accomplish an errand in the space of a short time. Some even have their meals in front of their computers everyday. I discovered that a 3o minute midweek service is a good refuge from such a meaningless routine as we constantly need to challenge ourselves to pause and reflect on our work and our purpose. Its hard when you are on a conveyor belt of appointments or string of tasks to be completed. Yet, a 30 minute break to walk away, listen to the Word of God, reflect and pray may bring us closer to the simple solution of meeting the urgent demands of our work. It has for me, as God uses the midweek service at the Barge to challenge me, of how I need to be more kind to my colleagues, of how I can always depend on Him even in the nitty gritty details of my work. Its a refreshing reminder that God is in the midst of my work and when I return to my desk at my office, I have received a new perspective to carry on. Its even more effective than a cell group meeting that you attend after work which probably meets family needs more than work needs, since our mind may easily forget the lessons the day before. Yet, reading the bible in the middle of the day can steer us in the right direction, and so would a morning devotion for many.













When I go for a midweek service, I would bring a sandwich along or buy one at the Barge. Its however not a staple lunch time food for many Asian countries unlike in the Western world. The eating habits in Asia have gotten more demanding that it maybe difficult to forego a proper meal at a restaurant during lunch. There also seem to be more errands to run in Asia compared to Europe. I do hope that I would find and fit in a midweek session when I am in Hong Kong. A thought came to mind that I can find a quiet spot to just pray and read the bible, though that seems harder to do than listen to a message from the bible given by a pastor. Yet, there is a great need to pause, reflect and seek after God who alone can meet our needs.













Do you join a midweek Christian service? Where is it, how is it organized and how has it benefited you? Do share and encourage everyone.

Check out another blog I write: http://lifenewcreation.blogspot.sg to find about building taking charge of your health and pursuing longer life span.












(Photos do not show Canary Wharf, but photos of Oxford, Castle Mill stream, church of St Mary Magdalen, Martyr's Memorial).

Tip 121: Best deals from online travel booking

Would you want to pay 10 times the amount when you can always get a cheap ticket by knowing the right methods? Read on. Online travel bookings are used extensively in many places nowadays such as in England. It does not only cover flight tickets, but also train, bus and car rentals. In Japan on the other hand, most train and bus tickets are either booked at the station or at a travel agency. There are no discounts for booking them during non-peak periods, since it is always busy throughout the year and competitors in the transport business do not aggressively cannibalise each other’s business. This is different in England. There are various independent travel websites that offer online booking facilities and partner with travel and train companies to offer different competitive travel packages. Through research on the internet, I have found a few helpful tips to get the cheapest tickets even if you are booking the travel just a few days before your journey. Book early, split your tickets and book at the right sites.

Getting cheaper fares does involve a little patience and a little more time. But, I do not see the rationale for paying 10 times the amount without following these principles unless it’s a very urgent and unavoidable trip. Booking early can be risky as we may or may not have to cancel the trip later. Yet, sometimes even booking earlier just 5 days before the trip can make a lot of difference in cost. While I have been travelling more frequently lately, I only travel when it is not too expensive since I regard it as non essential expense. As far as possible, I try to use free travel milleage or book in advanced so I enjoy the cheapest or at least relatively cheap fares. My Eurostar return ticket from London to Paris was the cheapest fare ever at only £59 per person, while my train ticket to Oxford from Paddington, London was just £10 per person. Sometimes, it involves a little more attention to detail by checking the schedule meticulously, checking the difference between single journey trips and return journey tickets. An online booking system has many inbuilt system rules on peak periods, but when combining a return trip, the cost may vary and it is not necessarily cheaper to buy 2 tickets instead of 1. By splitting the tickets to buy separate single trip tickets or even splitting the tickets in between the journey to commute between less popular stations while still commuting on the same train route can save quite a lot of cost. Being new to a new country, many tourists also do not know which websites belong to the travel provider such as the train company itself and which websites are merely online booking sites that earn a commission for selling tickets online. Through a little effort to find this information on the internet and compare the fees of each site, one may save a few extra fees. Sometimes, other websites may offer better search features to identify the cheapest fare which then allow booking the right tickets at the original train company website. Seem very tedious, yet saving 10 times the cost can be very handy in these recessionary times.

Do you feel good saving money? Sad to say, with so much trade going on, saving money can be another means to boost your self esteem.

(Photos show cherry blossom at the University Church of St. Mary the Virgin, Oxford, England.)

Tip 120: Persevering through the 15th hour

I received a message from a reader of this blog whom I know, which gave me inspiration to share a precious journey of my life, one of difficulty and triumph through the guiding hand of God.














“Hi Philip,How are you and your family doing? Your baby is so cute! Are you still in London or have you moved to HK? I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know your Blog always inspires me and refreshes my perspective. It has been a very crazy and hectic 6 months, including relocation. I have been here in X city officially relocated. Felt vey homesick probably because I joined a department going through turbulent times and i have been just working 15hours a day. I think God sent me to your blog cause I recalled reading your blog once and I could "see" God's presence in your writings. I am also looking forward to Haruka learning Cantonese. Language is really essential and a beautiful means to communicate. Continue to be a great dad! :)”














15 hour work days are never easy. The question is whether one should persevere or retreat. I would draw lessons from my life, Jesus and even John Nash that persevering with a guiding hand can be very fulfilling despite the initial pain through the difficult moments. More often than not, such persevering endeavours may be necessary for us and if we see it in this perspective, we may even be thankful of the current recession.














Before my current job that has given me the opportunities to post beautiful photos of Hong Kong, Macau and England, I took up a new responsibility in a Japanese insurance firm. I was elated at first at the opportunity to delve into the minds of Japanese and be immersed in Japanese work culture. Before that, I was only working in foreign multinational companies with offices in Japan and being a foreigner, prevented me from the necessity to participate fully in the Japanese culture.














Yet, in that Japanese company and being the only two foreigners out of the whole company, there was pressure to conform fully to all standards of the company even if my Japanese language skills will never be on par with the rest. I was thus pressured to take a professional Japanese life insurance exam and when I saw the sample exam papers I had to study in 3 weeks after work hours, I could only read less than 1% of it. I begin to question the very reason I was in this company, yet deep inside me, God encouraged me that it was Him who placed me there.

So after finishing work around 8-10pm each night, I got the help of Tomomi to put a hiragana over each kanji on the sample exam paper so I could type it as a softcopy document to translate it using online tools. Then, I memorized all the sample answers and tried to understand the logic of all the answers. The passing mark was 70% and since most who take the exam in the whole of Japan were either Japanese or those who could read the exam paper, the passing rate was close to 100%. I prayed for a miracle in my final week of study. It was just too overwhelming for me. This stress not only affected me, but also my wife. God began to sharpen my senses as I study and I began to understand the reasons for each answer and to only study the important areas as I looked through past year exam papers. The result was a stunning 73% passing mark (even when I guessed my way through many questions)! My Japanese language skills and knowledge of Japanese life insurance increased exponentially after that.














Yet, how do we know the difference between persevering and killing ourselves in the process. I saw that recurring issue in John Nash’s live as portrayed by the movie A Beautiful Mind. Persevering could mean fighting delusions without the help of psychotic medicine, overcoming fears of rejection and failure, bearing with a husband who could harm you, persisting to do good deeds in the midst of evil and danger or even merely to tell ourselves we can write a good blog by trying to be as accurate as possible and be humble to correct ourselves when we are wrong. Most of the time, we need someone’s guiding hands and support, like Jesus who was hoping to rely on his disciples’ company to pray with him in his final hour. Yet, when all seems gloomy, when even the people we love seem to have little hope in us, God loves us. Persevere and leave your life unto the hands of your Creator. The answer may even appear as God may take that “cup” of trial and difficulty away from you if you cannot bear it and if it was not appropriate for you to take it in the first place. Yet, persevere and pray. I was touched by how John Nash could never see the day when his colleagues who were saner than him, honoured him for his contributions. Yet, most of them saw the fight of perseverance he fought. Today, I have told the story of one such fight of perseverance which is precious to me as a miracle in my life. One day, you may tell the same story and may you disciple others and not give up doing so. It gives me as much joy reflecting on my life and thanking God for it, as it would have benefited any of my readers and I wish the same for you.














"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5















Please do persevere in reading and leaving more comments and make this dead blog alive.















(Photos show Oxford city a labour of love featuring Christ Church, University College, Alice in Wonderland shop, Magdalen College and Botanic Gardens and a garden inside one of the many colleges.)